Love that started online - Part 3

I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning.

"You moron. Told her you are not romantic, you siao ah? You have disgraced me man. How can you make such a big mistake?"
"....I...I..."

Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing.

"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a girl... One, don't forget to be romantic; Two, don't be too honest; Three, don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech. In mandarin, we say '男人不坏, 女人不爱', you should know this."
"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that, cheap"
"So why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me?"
"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic. Those 'nice guys' are usually, dumdums. So she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums. In math we call this 2C1, understand? dumdum."

Oh, Tye is talking about math! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf.

"In another words, gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall... if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts... can forget your stupidity... but they can never forgive if you are not romantic..."
"Come on, this is so exaggerating."
"Hey, most women have a 'knot' for romance, just like most men have a 'knot for virginity. To women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men. Same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance."
"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."
"The key word is 'knot', if you can untie it, fine. But how many had actually succeeded in that. Practically none."
"Ok, fine. Now I've done it. So what should I do to remedy the situation?"
"Face it. You are hopeless already. I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over."

You SON OF A BXXCH. Midnight. I am trying to concentrate on my physics notes... F=ma, v=u+at... It's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science. Then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitions? Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that it's unreal....

Close to 1 am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there.

"Slorr, you here."
"Finally, good night to you "

'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again.

"Yes, it is fate that brought me to you at this moment."

I am trying very hard to convince her that I am a bit romantic.

"Slorr, nothing to do with fate. I waited for you for one hour liaoz..."
"Sure or not? For what?"
"Talk to you mah or else I can't sleep."
"You sick is it? Go see doctor lah "
"Slorr, let's continue our topic. What do you think of relationships that began from the Internet?"

Oh my god, how should I answer her now?

"It's... it's very... romantic..."

Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.

"Slorr, you bluffing. You not romantic one mah."

GAME OVER. I am finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.

"Slorr, you lagging? Or just daoing me?"
"No, I am wondering why is the sky so chio tonight?"
"No no no. Don't try to shift the topic, Slorr."

Sigh. I give up. I asked for it myself.

"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, cos romance gives people an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."
"Slorr, that's interesting."
"Surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of people are produced in this way. The first type.... The first type are those who present themselves on net with their secondary personality'. Usually all of us consist of multiple personalities and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So Internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."
"Is it true? What about 2nd type?"
"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. There's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that you particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldn't be found in you. Cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."
"Slorr, you blowing cow, is it? Type 3 leh?"
"I am not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES magazine! Type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life. For example, if you are a girl, you may act as a man on net. You may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if you want."
"Hmmh.. That's pretty amazing."
"The first type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.
The 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others always forgets his own strong points.
The 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."
"Slorr, then you belong to what type? Me leh?"
"I don't wish to believe you are type 3, 'cos I am not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think you are special. Being able to attract you, I think I am at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2."
"Type 2, then who you wish to become? Slorr.."

I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are what I am lacking of.

"Slorr, what about me?"
"you? I don't know. you want to FLY and DANCE, probably that means you wish to fully enjoy your youth while you can. But if this is something you wish yet you can't achieve, then there's 2 possibilities: 1, you are aging, 2, you are leaving the world."

I think I said something wrong, cos she didn't sent me anymore message after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things? I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. Damn that TIMES magazine! Poisons my mind. Maybe she lagging. So I waited... and waited. Girl, its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start, until she sent me this message:

"Slorr... let's meet..."

Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'. I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of McDonalds the one beside YMCA. That's the best time and place to meet a girl you have never met before, according to Tye, 'cos they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mac and have some fries and coke.

She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification. She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not Brad-pitt either. Then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.

喜欢

喜欢。。。。

不知道从什么时候开始，
开始之后渐渐变成习惯，
习惯之后慢慢变成等待！

Love that started online - Part 2

Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message.

"Hey Slorr, so late liao haven't sleep ah?"

Now what? Now what? Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath. Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humor, which has gone stale.

"Slorr, me in a foul mood today. Can't sleep, you leh?"

MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what Slorr Slorr... Now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows, it might attract some innocent gals in talking to you."

"I am not feeling very good too. So let's sad together."

Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I am not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all. And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:

"Since you are feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"

I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHINESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP." And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her.

"Ok, but you haven't greet me leh."

DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me MR COURTEOUS' in school. If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lose all my female fans.

"Nice to meet you, miss long-hair."
"I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.

Tye said that: "FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn’t has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.."

"Eh? How you know I got long hair?"

BINGO! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yes!

"Not only that, I also know you seldom wear skirt."

I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever.

"Err... I guess you are right lor. But how you know one?"
"Just guess."
"Ok lor. Hey Slorr, tell you what, me tired liao, you coming online tomorrow morning?"
"Ya, why??"
"Please please please say the you coming too, if not I am going to kill myself for letting you go tonight. I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then. Good night."
"Er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too."

I just blurted out a last sentence ....Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now. But is the season of spring really arriving for me?? I wish...............

"Slorr, what a coincidence ahh"
"Yeh, I am not late."
"Ya lor, so qiao."

Girls are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not. They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life.

"Slorr, you talking nonsense lah."
"NONSENSE? Ok, let me tell you what is nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter. Then he will call out loud the name of the girl, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."
"Slorr, you siao liaoz ahh?"
"I siao? Ok, let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and you can see birds stop over at his side admiring his work. And there will be a girl whose the model, most probably naked."
"Slorr, but these all very romantic mah."
"ROMANTIC? Hello miss, romance only survive in novels and movies.

In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the girl may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles. Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the girl because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."

"Slorr, you hate romance?"
"I hate romance? Nope, I am just using my knowledge of statistics to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! Some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object, because I am not tall."
"?Slorr.... objection overruled..."

I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon.

"Slorr, are you hungry?"
"Ya, you leh?"
"Yes, guess its time for lunch...Slorr.."
"Then do you think we should?"
"Slorr, I am just asking. I don't intend to have lunch with you."
"Ok, good. I am not romantic, neither are you."

Love that started online - Part 1

I met her on the net, how? I can't remember but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.

If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. do I have a million? No. That's why I don't have a house.
If I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly.
If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. That's why I don't love you.

That's me, a typical science student. First you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion. If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.

But she is an exception. she actually mailed me and said that I am an interesting' person. 'Interesting'? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this girl must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.

Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad -FLYNDANCE- that's quite a unique one. But I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.

Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise. The only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore but, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special. So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.

Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in AJCRR. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.

She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction. Actually what interested me the most is this paragraph she wrote in one of the mails....

'I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd. Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't going to stop my rhythm. Because it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'

I simply cannot relate this girl to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill. Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this.

"HELLO! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk?? Maybe she' is a guy!"

I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Secondary 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'. As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".

In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make them into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.

Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he has had. I went online that night, log onto channel AJCRR and yes!

She is there.

Treasure what you had!

Chinie is a typical college girl who enjoys life to the fullest. She loves her boyfriend so much and texts him every now and then.

JM is Chinie's boyfriend who works in a call center in Ortigas. He's always busy doing so many things. He only manages to reply to Chinie's texts when he got off from work.

One time JM receives a message from Chinie:
"Hi baby! how r u? miss u! call me when u come home k?! tc! love u!"

JM ignored the message because he always received the same message whenever it is time for him to go home from work.

"Baby,i miss u already! did u eat yet?! Take care when u go home! ill be w8ing 4 ur call. lov u!"
"Baby,where r u?! u're not replying to my msg. Well,ill b here w8ing for ur call! lovu!"

JM reaches home and lay on his bed. The last time he knew is tha he's reading Chinie's text. He was so tired he fall asleep and wasn't able to return Chinie's call. He can still hear his phone beeps but he's too tired to take a glimpse on the message.

When he woke up the next day, he remember that he needs to call Chinie. He ignored the messages and dialed Chinie's #. No one's answering in her house. He called up her cellphone and he was surprised that her father answered the call. In his voice you can feel his tears and hear his heart tearing apart.

"JM,why'd u call just now? Chinie's been waiting for u!"
"Dad sorry.i was tired so i fell asleep. I called at home but no one answered. Where are u now?."
"Just wait for us at home"

JM went to Chinie's house and much to his surprised he saw a lot of people inside. The house were so lighted but you can see the gloom on every person you'll meet there. He was greeted by Chinie's mom on tears. She hug him tight and cried on his shoulders.

"Chinie was waiting for u. she didnt go out with us coz she was waiting for ur call. she was
killed las night by some robbers who came in here. she's gone JM, she's gone"
"Ma,Chinie texted me last night..how could that have happened?!"

JM can't look who's inside the coffin. He can't move and it feels like his whole body is stucked on the chair his seating. He wanted to cry but it seems that something is blocking his tears to fall down. He turn to his phone and read the messages of Chinie.

"Baby, ill be w8ing for u to call. i wont go out with dad anymore!"
"Baby, im scared. i think theres som1 downstairs. pls call me already!"
"baby, theyre here. wut f they kill me. pls call me. baby where r u? i need you here now. please baby i can hear them come..."
"baby.... i love you!..."

He wanted to shout and cry so loud. It's true that Chinie is waiting for his call. Up to her last breath she only thinks about him. He stare at Chinie inside the coffin. Suddenly tears starts flowing down his cheeks. He can't say anything. The only words he uttered...

"My baby,i'm so sorry! I could have known, i could have fight for you! i'm really sorry! I love you so much!"

Treasure what you had!

Promises

Long time ago..there was a princess who lived in the palace. She was a very beautiful and wise princess. Many prince has come to ask for her hand but all of the princes was rejected. Finally,she decided to get married, many competition was held to choose her husband.

Finally, only 5 prince was left, she thought of a plan, she hide her hand and stick out a finger. Each of the prince get to guess which finger it was.

The first princes show her his thumb.
The second prince show her his 2nd finger.
The third prince show her his index finger and was slap by the princess.
The fourth prince show her his marriage finger.
Finally...
The last prince show her his last finger.

The princess looked at the 5th prince and took out her hidden hand. The princess also pointed out her last finger. She hooked it with him and they got married. They are very very happy together until one day, the prince had to go to war. The princess was sad and worried, so the prince hook fingers with her saying that he will come back alive for her.

Days past by, and soon 1 year has past. The prince have not returned. Rumours was spreading everywhere that the prince had died, many other prince came to ask for her hand to remarry. Reluctant, she continue waiting for the prince. Years past by and she knew she had to marry again.

She decided to do the same thing. She stick out her last finger infront of the princes but none of them know what she meant. They thought she wanted a ring on her last finger, so she marry none of them..

One day, a beggar wearing a hat came and wanted to ask for the princess hand, at first,the soldiers stopped him but the princess thought that everybody had a chance, so she let him in. The princess did the same thing and to her surprise, the beggar stick his last finger and hook it on hers.

Later, the beggar took out his hat, looking at him, the princess found out that he was her lost husband She hugged him and they were together again happily. Days past until one night, the prince woke up and walk out of his bed, disturbed by the prince, the princess woke up too. She followed him but after he walked out of the gate he disappeared and the princess was sad.

Later,she found out that the prince had died when he was on his way back from the war but in order to honour his promise he came back as a ghost in the 7month (ghost festivval). So 7X7=49. He could only be with her for 49 days and later, he would vanshed forever.

Finally,the princess found the prince body. She lied beside him,hook her finger with his and drank poison..so,that is how it ends..

Now , you know how the last finger was said to be made as promises..

How strong love can be

From the very begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her
voice.

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry, it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a
letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply and countless of phonecalls, all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying. The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy.

Oneday, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger.

The girl finally smiled.

Small theory about girls

1.	If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldnt take it anymore. If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; If you let her go, she couldnt go back to being herself anymore.
2.	A girl wont cry easily, except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak. A girl wont cry easily, only wen she love you the most, she put down her ego.
3.	Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
4.	When she cry rite infront of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling? Think. Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you?
5.	She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain,hurt,n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.
6.	Guys, think about it, if a girl cry her heart out 2 you and all because of you, its time to look back on wat u have done, Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it, coz one day, It may be too late for regrets, It may be too late to say "I'm sorry". To my friends... Ponder this message seriously. Dont do dis to a girl, you may regret for the rest of your life. Maybe in your life, she's the onli one that love YOU the most. Remember this lesson.

什麼是愛，什麼是付出?

我的家在一個偏僻的山村，父母都是面朝黃土背朝天的農民。我有一個小我三歲的弟弟。有一次我為了買女孩子們都有的花手絹，偷偷拿了父親抽屜裏5毛錢。父親當天就發現錢少了，就讓我們跪在牆邊，拿著一根竹竿，讓我們承認到底是誰偷的。我被當時的情景嚇傻了，低著頭不敢說話。父親見我們都不承認，說那兩個一起挨打。

說完就揚起手裏的竹竿，忽然弟弟抓住父親的手大聲說：

「爸，是我偷的，不是姐幹的，你打我吧！」

父親手裏的竹竿無情地落在弟弟的背上、肩上，父親氣得喘不過氣來，打完了坐在炕上罵道：

「你現在就知道偷家裏的，將來長大了還了得？我打死你這個不爭氣
的。」

當天晚上，我和母親摟著滿身是傷痕的弟弟，弟弟一滴眼淚都沒掉。半夜裏，我突然號啕大哭，弟弟用小手捂住我的嘴說，姐，你別哭，反正我也挨完打了。我一直在恨自己當時沒有勇氣承認，事過多年，弟弟替了我擋竹竿的樣子，我仍然記憶猶新。

那一年，弟弟8歲，我11歲。

弟弟中學畢業那年，考上了縣裏的重點高中。同時我也接到了省城大學的錄取通知書。那天晚上，父親蹲在院子裏一袋一袋地抽著旱煙，嘴裏還叨咕著，倆娃都這麼爭氣，真爭氣。
母親偷偷地抹著眼淚說爭氣有啥用啊，拿啥供啊？弟弟走到父親面前說，爸，我不想念了，反正也念夠了。

父親一巴掌打在弟弟的臉上，說：「你怎就這麼沒出息？」

我就是砸鍋賣鐵也要把你們姐倆供出來。說完轉身出去挨家借錢。我撫摸著弟弟紅腫的臉說，你得念下去，男娃不念書就一輩子走不出這窮山溝了。弟弟看著我，點點頭。當時我已經決定放棄上學的機會了。沒想到第二天天還沒亮，弟弟就偷偷帶著幾件破衣服和幾個乾巴饅頭走了，在我枕邊留下一個紙條：

「姐：
你別愁了，考上大學不容易，我出去打工供你。
弟。」

我握著那張字條，趴在炕上，失聲痛哭。

那一年，弟弟17歲，我20歲。
　
我用父親滿村子借的錢和弟弟在工地裏搬水泥掙的錢終於讀到了大三。一天我正在寢室裏看書，同學跑進來喊我：

「梅子，有個老鄉在找你。」

怎麼會有老鄉找我呢？我走出去，遠遠地看見弟弟，穿著滿身是水泥和沙子的工作服等我。

我說：「你怎和我同學說你是我老鄉啊？」

他笑著說：「你看我穿的這樣，說是你弟，你同學還不笑話你？ 」

我鼻子一酸，眼淚就落了下來。我給弟弟拍打身上的塵土，哽咽著說：

「你本來就是我弟，這輩子不管穿成啥樣，我都不怕別人笑話。」

他從兜裏小心翼翼地掏出一個用手絹包著的蝴蝶髮夾，在我頭上比量著說：

「我看城裏的姑娘都戴這個，就給你也買一個。」

我再也沒有忍住，在大街上就抱著弟弟哭起來。

那一年，弟弟20歲，我23歲。

我第一次領男朋友回家，看到家裏掉了多少年的玻璃安上了，屋子裏也收拾得一塵不染。男朋友走了以後我向母親撒嬌：

「我說媽，昨把家收拾得這麼乾淨啊？」

母親老了，笑起來臉上像一朵菊花，說：

「這是你弟提早回來收拾的，你看他手上的口子沒？是安玻璃時劃的。」

我進弟弟的小屋裏，看到弟弟日漸消瘦的臉，心裏很難過。

他還是笑著說：

「你第一次帶朋友回家，還是城裏的大學生，不能讓人家笑話咱家。」

我給他的傷口上藥，問他，疼不？他說不疼。我在工地上，石頭把腳砸得腫得穿不了鞋，還幹活兒呢……說到一半就把嘴閉上不說了。我把臉轉過去，哭了出來。

那一年，弟弟23歲，我26歲。

我結婚以後，住在城裏，幾次和丈夫要把父母接來一起住，他們都不肯，說離開那村子就不知道幹啥了。弟弟也不同意，說：

「姐，你就全心照顧姐夫的爸媽吧，咱爸媽有我呢。」

丈夫升上廠裏的廠長，我和他商量把弟弟調上來管理修理部，沒想到弟弟不肯，執意做了一個修理工。一次弟弟登梯子修理電線，讓電擊了住進醫院。我和丈夫去看他。

我撫著他打著石膏的腿埋怨他：

「早讓你當幹部你不幹，現在，摔成這樣，要是不當工人能讓你去幹那活兒嗎？」

他一臉嚴肅地說：

「你怎不替我姐夫著想著想呢？他剛上來，我又沒文化，直接就當官，給他造成啥影響啊？」

丈夫感動得熱淚盈眶，我也哭著說：

「弟啊，你沒文化都是姐給你耽誤了。」

他拉過我的手說：「都過去了，還提它幹啥？」

那一年，弟弟26歲，我29歲。
　
弟弟30歲那年，才和一個本分的農村姑娘結了婚。在婚禮上，主持人問他，你最敬愛的人是誰，他想都沒想就回答，我姐。

弟弟講起了一個我都記不得的故事：

『我剛上小學的時候，學校在鄰村，每天我和我姐都得走上一個小時才到家。有一天，我的手套丟了一隻，我姐就把她的給我一隻，她自己就戴一隻手套走了那麼遠的路。回家以後，我姐的那只手凍得都拿不起筷子了。從那時候，我就發誓我這輩子一定要對我姐好。』

台下一片掌聲，賓客們都把目光轉向我。

我說，我這一輩子最感謝的人是我弟。在我最應該高興的時刻，我卻止不
住淚流滿面......
　

葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。

倘若你愛上一個人，
千萬別裝作無所謂毫不在乎..
錯過了，就沒有了..
愛情，玩不起心理戰的...

~~樹~~
高中三年交過五個女朋友，有一個女孩子，我很愛她，卻遲遲不敢追，她沒有美麗的面孔，沒有姣好的身材，沒有撩人的魅力，一個再平凡不過的女孩子。 我喜歡她，真的真的很喜歡她，喜歡她的單純，她的直率，她的可愛，她的脆弱。

不追她的原因，也許是潛意識覺得平凡如她配不上我；也許是因為怕在一起後，一切好感都會消失；也許是怕外人的指指點點傷害了她；也許是覺得，她會是我的，不急著為了她而放棄一切。

最後這個原因，讓她陪了我三年，讓她看著我和別的女孩子廝混了三年，讓她心痛了三年。
她很想當一個好演員，但我卻像一個嚴苛的導演。我和第二個女朋友在廁所接吻，被她撞見，她尷尬的笑笑說：「Go on！」然後跑掉，第二天，她眼睛腫得像核桃一樣，我故意不去猜想是誰讓她哭成這樣，嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家後，在教室哭了起來，她不知道練球回來拿東西的我，看了她一個多小時。

我的第四個女朋友，一直很不喜歡她，有次她們兩個吵了起來，我知道依她的個性不會去惹事，但我還是護著女朋友，她被我吼了一下後，愣住，眼淚滑了下來，我無視她的眼淚，陪女友走出教室，第二天，她依舊嘻嘻哈哈的和我開玩笑，我知道她很難過，但她不會 知道我的心不比她好受。

當我和第五個女朋友分手時，我約她出去玩，玩了一天，我對她說：「我有事要對妳說。」她說：「真巧，我也有事要對你說。」「我和她分手了。」「我和他在一起了。」我知道「他」是誰，他追她也有一陣子了，是個蠻可愛的男孩子，活潑有趣，充滿了熱情，追她追得滿城風雨。我不能表現自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但當我回到家，心中的痛 楚強烈得令我無法承受，像有個千斤重的石頭壓在我胸口，我無法呼吸，想大叫卻叫不出來，眼淚竟然滑了下來，我掩面大哭，多少次，我也看著她為了那個不願承認的人掩面大哭。

畢業典禮時，我在手機上發現了一封簡訊，這是十天前，我掩面大哭時傳來的，只是我一直沒有去開過機。
「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」
　

~~葉子~~
高中時，喜歡蒐集葉子，why？因為我覺得，一片葉子要離開它長期依賴的樹好勇敢哩！ 高中三年，我和一個男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那種好，是好朋友那種好，但是，在他交 第一個女朋友時，我學會了一種不該有的感覺，吃醋，心中的酸，不是一顆檸檬可以比喻，那就像是100顆臭酸的檸檬，酸到不行，他們只在一起兩個月，當他們分手，我還得掩飾自己心中強烈的喜悅，但是一個月後，他和另一個女孩子在一起。

我喜歡他，也知道他喜歡我，可是，他為什麼總是不追我呢？明明喜歡彼此，為什麼不行動？每當他交一個女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打擊，讓我不禁懷疑，是我一廂情願嗎？不愛我，為什麼要對我那麼好？他對我的好，已經不是普通朋友可以做到。喜歡 一個人，好難過，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的習慣，唯獨他對我的感覺，我猜不透，難道要我這個女孩子去開口嗎？

儘管如此，我還是想在他身邊，關心他，陪他，愛他，也許算是一種等待的行為，等待他回來愛我，就像每天晚上等他的電話，等他的簡訊，我知道，就算他再忙，也會撥出一些時間給我。這樣的等待，陪了我三年，等待是難熬的，是令人想放棄的，但等到的那一剎那，讓人第二天會繼續等下去。這樣的煎熬，這樣的痛苦，這樣的幸福，這樣的矛盾，陪 了我三~。

直到三年級下學期，高二一個學弟喜歡上我，每天的熱情追求，令我從一開始的拒絕，漸漸願意挪出我心房的一些位置給他。他像一陣溫柔而持久的風，撩撥我這片搖搖欲墜的葉子，到最後，我發現我已經不想只留一點點的位置給這陣風，我知道這陣風，會帶我這片傷痕累累的葉子，到更幸福的地方。

於是我離開了樹，樹只是笑笑，沒有挽留。
「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」


~~風~~
因為我喜歡的女孩子叫葉子，因為她有一棵令她依戀的樹，所以我要當一陣風，一陣呵護她的風。

第一次看見她，是高二我轉來一個月後的事，個子小小的她坐在球場旁，一雙眼凝視著同和我在球場的學長，每天的社團時間，她總會坐在那裡，一個人，和朋友，她的眼光依舊凝視著他，當他和女孩子打打鬧鬧，她的眼中有淚，當他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的習慣，就像她愛看他。

有一天她沒來，我心中沒來由的焦慮與不安，我無法解釋那種感覺，除了不安，還是不安，而且那學長竟然也不在。我衝去他們教室，躲在外面，看著學長罵她，她的眼淚，他的離去。

第二天，她依舊坐在場邊，看著他，我走過去，對她笑一笑，拿了張紙條給她，她先是驚訝的看著我，然後笑笑地收下。

隔天，她拿著紙條出現在我面前，然後離開。
「葉子的心太沉重，風吹不動。」

不是葉子的心太沉重，是葉子根本就不想離開樹。」
我回給她這段話後，她漸漸會和我說話，收我的禮物，接我的電話。我知道她喜歡的不是我，但我還是有毅力一定要讓她喜歡上我，四個月內我告白了不下20次，每一次她都轉移話題，但我還是不會放棄，我決定要的人，我就一定會給它追過來！

一直到不知道第幾次的告白，出了口，雖然知道她一定會又說到別的事，但還是有一絲絲希望她的答應，沒想到她都不說話，「妳在幹嘛？怎麼不說話？」我對著話筒說。「我在點頭。」「啊？」我不敢相信自己的耳朵。
「我在點頭！」她大聲叫。
我甩掉電話，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了機車，衝去她們家按門鈴，當她開門的那一剎那，緊緊抱住她。

「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

一 碗 湯 麵

　　這個故事是十五年前的十二月三十一日，也就是除夕夜，發生在日本札幌街上一家「北海亭」的麵館裡。除夕夜吃拉麵條過年是日本人的傳統習俗，因此到了這一天，麵館的生意特別好，北海亭也不例外，這一天幾乎整天都客滿，不過到晚上十點以後幾乎就沒有客人了，平時到凌晨，街上都還很熱鬧的，這一天大家都早一點趕回家過年，因此街上也很快就安靜下來。

　　北海亭的老闆是個憨憨傻傻的老實人，老闆娘倒很古道熱腸，待人親切。

　　除夕夜，最後一個客人走出麵館，老闆娘正打算關店的時候，店門再一次輕輕地被拉開，一個女人帶著兩個小男孩走進來，兩個孩子大約是六歲和十歲左右，穿著全新的一模一樣的運動服，那女人卻穿著過時的格子舊大衣。

　　「請坐！」聽老闆這麼招呼，那個女人怯怯的說：「可不可以……來一碗……湯麵？」背後的兩個孩子不安地對望了一眼。

　　「當然……當然可以，請這邊坐！」

　　老闆娘帶著他們走到最靠邊的二號桌子，然後向廚臺那邊大聲喊著：「一碗湯麵！」

　　一人份只有一團麵，老板多丟了半團麵，煮了滿滿一大碗，老闆娘和客人都不知道。母子三人圍著一碗湯麵吃得津津有味，一邊吃，一邊悄悄地談著：「好好吃喲！」哥哥說。

　　「媽，您也吃吃看嘛！」弟弟說著，挾了一根麵條往母親嘴裡送。

　　不一會兒吃完了，付了一百五十元，母子三人同聲誇讚：「真好吃，謝謝！」並且微微了鞠了一躬，走出麵館。

　　「謝謝你們！新年快樂！」老闆和老闆娘同時這麼說。

　　每天忙著忙著，不知不覺很快地又過了一年。又到了十二月三十一日這一天；迎接新的一年，北海亭的生意仍然非常興旺。比去年除夕夜更忙碌的一天終於結束了，過了十點，老闆娘走向店門前，正想將門拉下的時候，店門又再度輕輕地被拉開，走進來了一位中年婦人另外帶著兩個小孩。老闆娘看到那件過時的格子舊大衣，馬上想起一年前除夕夜最後的客人。

　　「可以不可以……給我們煮碗……..湯麵?」

　　「當然，當然，請邊坐！」

　　老闆娘一邊帶他們到去年坐過的二號桌子，一邊大聲喊：「一碗湯麵！」

　　老闆一邊應聲，一邊點上剛剛熄掉的爐火。

　　「是的！一碗湯麵！」

　　老闆娘偷偷地在丈夫的耳朵旁說著。「喂，煮三碗給他們吃好不好?」

　　「不行，這樣做他們會不好意思的。」

　　丈夫一邊這麼回答，卻一邊多丟進半團麵條到滾燙的鍋子裡，站在旁邊一直微笑著看著他的妻子說：「你看起來挺呆板的，心地倒還不錯嘛！」

　　丈夫默默地盛好一大碗香噴噴的麵交給妻子端出去。

　　母子三人圍著那碗麵，邊吃邊談論著，那些對話也傳到了老闆和老闆娘的耳朵裡。

　　「好香……好棒……真好吃……！」

　　「今年還能吃到北海亭的麵，真不錯！」

　　「明年能夠再來吃，就好了……！」

　　吃完了付了一百五十元，母子三人又走出了北海亭。

　　「謝謝！祝你們新年快樂！」

　　望著這母子三人的背影，老闆夫婦倆反覆談論了些久。

　　這三年的除夕夜，北海亭的生意仍然非常的好，老闆夫婦彼此忙到甚麼都沒時間講話，但是過了九點半，兩個人開始都有點不安了起來。十點到了，店員們領了紅包也回去了，主人急忙將牆壁上的價目表一張一張往裡翻，把今年夏天漲價的：「湯麵一碗二百元」那張價目表，重新寫上一百五十元。二號桌上面，三十分鐘前老闆娘就先放上一張：「預約席」的卡片。

　　好像有意等客人都光了才進來似的，十點半的時候，這對母子三人終於又出現了。哥哥穿著國中的制服，弟弟穿著去年哥哥穿過的稍嫌大一點的夾克，兩個孩子都長大很多，母親仍然穿著那件褪了色的格子布舊大衣。

　　「請進！請進！」老闆娘熱情的招呼著。

　　望著笑臉相迎的老闆娘，母親戰戰兢地說：「麻煩……麻煩煮兩碗湯麵好不好？」

　　「好的，請這邊坐！」

　　老闆娘招待他們坐到二號桌，趕快若無其事的將那「預約席」的卡片藏起來，然後向裡面喊著：「兩碗湯麵 ！」

　　「是的！兩碗湯麵！馬上就好了呦！」

　　老闆一邊應聲，一邊丟進了三團麵進去。

　　母子三人一邊吃麵，一邊談著話，看起來很高興的樣子。

　　站在廚臺後面的老闆夫婦也跟著感受他們的喜悅，內心也跟著喜悅起來。

　　「小淳和哥哥；媽媽今天要謝謝你們兩個人啊！」

　　「謝謝！」

　　「為甚麼？」

　　是這樣的，你們過世的爸爸所造成八個人受傷的車禍，保險公司不能支付的部份，這幾年來每個月都必需繳五萬元。」

　　「欸，這個我們知道呀！」哥哥這麼回答。老闆娘一動也不動的靜靜聽著。

　　「本來應該繳到明年三月的，但是今天已全數繳完了！」

　　「哦，媽媽，真的呀？」

　　「欸，真的。因為哥哥認真的送報，小淳幫忙買菜做飯，使媽媽可以安心工作，公司發給我一份全勤的特別加給，因此今天就將剩下的部份就全部繳完了。」

　　「媽！哥哥！真是太好了，不過以後請讓小淳繼續做晚飯。」

　　「我也要繼續送報紙。小淳，加油！」

　　「謝謝你們弟兄倆，真的謝謝！」

　　「小淳和我有一個秘密，一直都沒有跟媽媽您說，那是……十一月的一個禮拜天，小淳的學校通知家長要去參觀教學課程，小淳的老師還特別附了一封信，說小淳的一篇文章被選為全北海道的代表，將參加全國的作文比賽。我聽小淳的同學說才知道的，因此；那一天我代表媽去參觀了。」

　　「真有這回事？後來呢?」

　　「老師出的題目是『我的志願』，小淳是以一碗湯麵為題寫的作文，還要當眾讀這篇作文。」

　　「作文是這樣寫的：爸爸車禍了，留下很多債務，為了還債，媽媽從早到晚拚命工作，連我每天早晚認真送報的事，弟弟也全部寫出來了。」

　　「還有，十二月三十一日晚上，我們母子三人共同吃一碗湯麵，非常好吃……三個人只叫一碗湯麵，麵店的伯伯和伯母竟然還向我們道謝，並且祝我們新年快樂！那聲音好像在鼓勵我們要堅強勇敢的活下去，趕緊把爸爸留下的債務還清！」

　　因此小淳決定長大以後要開麵館，當日本第一的麵館老闆，也要對每一個客人說加油！祝你幸福！謝謝你！」

　　一直站在廚臺裡聽他們對話的老闆夫婦突然失去蹤影，原來他們蹲下來，一條毛巾一人抓一頭，拼命擦著不斷湧出來的淚水。

　　「作文讀完了，老師說：小淳的哥哥今天代表媽媽來了，請上來說幾句話。」

　　「真的？那麼你怎麼辦？」

　　「因為太突然了，開始不知說甚麼好。我就說：謝謝大家平時對小淳的關愛，我弟弟每天必須買菜做晚飯，常常會在團體活動中急忙地回家，一定給大家添了許多麻煩，剛剛我弟弟讀一碗湯麵的時候，我曾感到很羞恥，但是看見弟弟挺胸大聲讀完一碗湯麵的時候，感到羞恥的那種心情才是真正的羞恥。」

　　「這些年來……媽媽只叫一碗湯麵的那種勇氣，我們兄弟絕對不會忘記…….我們兄弟一定會好好努力，好好的照顧母親，今後仍然拜託個位多多關照我弟弟。」

　　母子三個悄悄地握握手，拍拍肩，比往年都快樂地吃完過年的麵，付了三百元，說聲謝謝！並且鞠了躬走出麵館，望著母子三人的背影，老闆好像做個一年的總結束似地大聲說：

　　「謝謝！新年快樂！」

　　又過了一年。

　　北海亭麵館過了晚上九點，二號桌上又放了一塊「預約席」的卡片等待著，但是那母子三人並沒出現。

　　第二年、第三年、二號桌仍然空著，三個母子都再沒有出現北海亭的生意越來越好，店內全部都改裝過，桌椅都換了新的，只有那張二號桌仍然保留著。

　　「這究竟是怎麼一回事？」許多客人都覺得奇怪，這樣問。

　　老闆娘就講述關於一碗湯麵的故事給大家聽，那張舊桌子放在中央，對自己好像也是一種鼓勵，而且說不定那一天那三個客人還會再來，希望仍然用這張桌子來歡迎他們。

　　那張二號桌變成了「幸福的桌子」，客人一個個傳開去，有許多學生好奇，為了看那張桌子，專程從老遠的地方跑來吃麵，大家都特別指定要坐那桌子。

　　又過了很多年的十二月三十一日。

　　北海亭附近的商店主人，到了除夕這天打烊以後，都會帶著家眷集合到北海亭來吃麵，一邊吃，一邊等著聽除夕的鐘聲，然後大家一起到神社去拜拜，這是五六年來的習慣。

　　這一天過了九點半，先是魚店夫婦端來一大盤生魚片，接著又有人斷斷續續地帶酒菜來，經常都集合了三、四十個人，大家都很熱絡；每個人都知道二號桌的由來，大家嘴裡甚麼都不講，但是心裡卻想著那「除夕的預約席」今年可能又空空地迎接新年了。

　　有人吃麵，有人喝酒，有人忙進忙出準備菜餚，大家邊吃邊談，生意上的話。

　　連海水浴的事，最近了添了孫子……，無所不談，打成一片，像一家人，過了十點半，門突然再度被輕輕地被拉開。

　　所有的人都停止談話，視線一起朝向門口望去。

　　兩個青年穿著筆挺的西裝，手上拿著大衣走進來，大家鬆了一口氣，繼續恢復熱鬧的氣氛，老闆娘正準備說「抱歉，己經客滿了」拒絕客人的時候，有一個穿和服的女人走進來，站到兩個青年人的中間。

　　店內所有的客人都屏住呼吸，聽那穿和服的婦人慢慢地說：「麻煩…麻煩……湯麵.…三人份可以嗎？」

　　老闆娘的臉色馬上就變了，經過了十幾年的歲月，當時年輕母親和兩個小孩的形象，和眼前這三人，她瞬間努力想把畫面重疊在一起，廚臺後的老闆看傻了，手指交互的指著二個人，「你們….你們……」地說不出話來。

　　其中有一個青年望著不知措的老闆娘說：「我們母子三人，曾在十四年前的除夕夜叫了一份湯麵，受到那一碗湯麵的鼓勵，我們母子三人才能堅強的活下去。」

　　「後來我們搬到滋賀縣的外婆家住，我今年己通過醫師的檢定考試，在京都大學醫院的小兒科實習，明年四月將要來札幌的綜合醫院服務。」

　　「我們禮貌上先來拜訪這家醫院，順便去父親的墓前祭拜，和曾經想當麵店大老闆未成，現在在京都銀行就職的弟弟商量，有一個最奢侈的計劃…….就是今年除夕，母子三人要來拜訪札幌的北海亭，吃三人份的北海亭湯麵。」

　　一邊聽一邊微微點頭的老闆夫婦，眼眶裡溢滿淚水。

　　坐在門口的菜店老闆，把嘴裡含著的一口麵用力咯一聲整口吞了下去，然後站起來說：「喂、喂、老闆，怎麼啦？準備了十年一直等待這一天來臨，那個除夕十點過後的預約席呢？趕快招待他們啊！快呀！」

　　老闆娘終於恢復神志，拍了一下菜店老闆的肩膀，說：「歡迎，請……。喂！二號桌三碗湯麵」

　　那個傻愣愣的老闆擦了一下眼淚，應聲說：「是的，湯麵三碗！」

　

　　● 後記：

　　從現實的眼光來看，麵店老闆所付出的並不多，但是，即使那只是幾個麵團，和幾聲誠懇帶有勉勵，祝福之意的「謝謝，新年快樂！」卻使正受殘酷現實逼迫陷入困境的生命重獲生機，這個故事給我們一啟示：不要忽視自己對這個環境的影響力，也許你的一些真誠的關懷，就會給這個世界帶來無限的光明。因此，我們多麼熱切希望和企望。朋友，不要再吝嗇了，希望今後我們都能願意奉獻自己久藏的愛心，點亮它吧！即使那只是一點點的亮光而已，對寒冷的冬夜而言，卻也是真真實實溫暖和光明。

　　這個故事在日本發表時，感動了許多日本人，因此有了這麼一個說法：「看了這個故事的人，沒有一個不流淚的。」這個說法稍嫌誇大了些，但是看過這個故事的人的確有許多都為之感動落淚。然而他們流得不是感傷的淚，而是被那一份真誠的關愛，和那一片寬厚的心腸所感動的熱淚。
　

NUS Love Story - Part 12

The supplementary examinations came and went. We went out many times after our re-papers. The four of us: Ken, Yve, Lisa and me. Each time we went out, I would be extra careful not to see her directly into her eyes or touch her. Ken and Yve noticed that too but they did not tease me about it. They understood me. They are wonderful friends.The supplementary examinations results was released just before the new academic year start again.

Both of us passed. We went out to celebrate that very day, the three of us and Ken of course. That day also coincide with Lisa's twentieth birthday. Ken and Yve had specially arranged a bowling session in Marina South for the four of us.It was first time bowling for all of us other than Ken, the playful one. I saw a jukebox machine there. I dedicated the song Nothing is going to change my love for you to Lisa, with Ken's and Yve's support of course.

I even sang with the song to Lisa. She was quite touched and happy. Later in the evening we went to the Korean restaurant for a seafood buffet dinner. The food is ok and we had a great time. After dinner Ken brought out a cake. I brought out my present too. It was a handmade card and a framed-up sketch of her that I had drawn. She was a bit shocked to see it.

"I am really impressed Min. It's not exactly like me but I like it very much. Thank you."
After she said this, I gave a bouquet of 20 pink roses in full bloom. She looked at me sweetly and said, "This is the first time you gave me flowers."

It was quite remarkable how she remembers when did someone did what. I did not know how she did it but I guess she treasure every happy moment she has and remembers them. Ken and Yve arranged for the cake to be brought there by another friend. The friend came and joined us for dinner. That night, after cutting the cake Lisa made a wish. Ken asked her what her wish was but she shyed away.

Upon further prodding by Yve, she said, "I wish Min and I can start all over again."
I was so happy. It was quite hard to believe that she had agreed to give our relationship another try. Finally she had agreed. Ken and Yve gave her a present each. Suddenly an idea struck my mind.

"Lisa, I have one more thing for you."
"Ohh..what is it?"

She looked around, trying to find what I have for her.

"What I have is what money cannot buy. For this twentieth birthday of yours, I am giving you my heart and myself. Do you want it?"

I see a role reversal here. It was her who asked me that question about barely nine months ago.
She smiled sweetly and gave me a hug and a kiss. That was the first time I touch her after so long. It is really a 'warmth' one. I will remember every moment of it. Ken, Yve and the friend who sent the cake went back in that friend's car, deliberately leaving us behind.

I appreciated that very much. Like two new lovers, we walked clumsily to the bus-stop. I would seize any opportunity to hold her hand and she would withdraw hers after the 'obstacles' are cleared. Like new lovers who do not know what to do, we stumbled with words and actions. It was like falling in love all over again.

When second year started, we went out to the hop and jams as like last year. This time it’s the three of us. Ken, Lisa and me. Yve had gone back to NTU. Second year is busier than first year. There are more projects and most of our times are spent on tutorial and projects. We are quite busy but we still take time out to go to see shows and stroll in the parks, just Lisa and me.

One day in October we went to our usual weekend haunt and I asked Lisa, "Lisa, how much do you love me?" She was surprised at the question. She thought for a while and replied.

"When I first fell in love, it was with Roger. He left me for another 'better' person. I do not know how he measure better. But he thought he would be better with her. I see that he is someone who goes to where he thinks is better for him, quite selfish."
"The second one is the mugger I told you about. We could actually strike it off but he left me after he knew I cheated him. I guessed he must be pretty angry with me. I really have nothing against against him at all. it was me who fouled up everything."
"The third one sacrificed so much for me. He cared a lot for me too. But he died in his foolishness I think. I owed him and his family a lot. He was the only son you know. I can never forget him. "
"The last one was actually you. You had are the only one who I like right from the beginning. I sort of grew to learn to love them over a period of time. You are different. And all of them left me. But you are the one whom I left. Yet you still want to come back to me after a year. I am quite touched. You had shown me your love to be true and persistent, and I have known you more and more. More importantly, I find myself falling in love with you again. This time it's stronger and more assured. I am more confident of myself now. It is also you that I missed the most when I am not with you. Do you know?"
"Also, when I was with you, I did not think of the other guys at all. Except the one who died for me but I guess that was because of guilt.When Roger came to me again, I was happy. But I guess that was because I thought I had found a lost love again. And at that time, I was so sad that you said you want to wait. Do you know that I was very sad that you said that?"

I winced at her words. They pierced me right through my heart. I regreted what I did not do then.

"Anyway, Roger did treat me well at first. But he sort of became overly possessive and selfish later. Do you know that once he did not turn up at an appointment because one of his friend delayed him at the earlier appointment. He could have called me since he is picking me up but then he did not. I mean, if he can do that once, he could also do that again sometime later. He put his other friends before me and also he did not allow me to see some of my friends whenever our appointments clashed."
"The last straw came when I found out he cheated me again, the second time.
You know what happened after that. He made me leave him because he wants to leave me."
"In all those previous relationship, it was them who left me. I did not leave any of them except may be you. I was one who is quite contented to be loved."
"But for you, it is different. It is only after so long, almost a year for me to see that your love for me is true. That there is an assurance that you will stay with me in the long run. The chemistry between us is strong. Tell me, won't you be happy? Won't you love someone who cares so much for you? Won't you love someone who sacrificed so much for you? Won't you love someone who loves you so much?"
"Yes I will. Very much."
"Tell me, how much you love me?"
"How much? I have waited for a long time for you to come back to me. I have been through many things that teach me how to love. And I did things that only true love will do."

I stared at her. I know that this time, she has found her real love, and I mine, because in her eyes, I see true love.

The End.

NUS Love Story - Part 11

I took her cue and sat down beside Lisa. Yve was still standing beside us.

"Lisa, please don't cry. When you cry you made someone who still loves you very sad too."

Her sobbing reduced to sniffing immediately. She looked up at me with her wet eyes. They are even more beautiful this way. Those sparkling and penetrating eyes.

"You...I don't understand what you mean." she said weakly, trying to think clearly.

"Lisa, listen. After you left me, my heart almost went with you until Sally came along. She filled the void that you created. But still, I cannot forget you. I still think of you and that day when I wanted to discuss my relationship with Sally, she saw us and as you know, want me to choose between you and her. I chose you. I have always love you. I am bad in expressing my feelings and I want you to know now that I love you."

At this she seems to sober herself. She wipes her eyes dry and looked into my eyes. I fixed my gaze on her too. After a while she looked down. I am quite lost at what to say.

"Min, please excuse both of us. I want to have a talk with Lisa." Yve said.

I did not know what Yve wanted to say to Lisa but I went back to my table and sat there, eating the already cold food. I spied Lisa shaking her head a few times and Yve did most of the talking. Finally Yve came over and said

"Min, I tried my best. Go over to her now."
"What did both of you talk about?"
"Ask her. Go now. I'll be waiting here." I went over quickly.

Lisa did not want to look at me in the eyes. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact. She had become shy again.

"Lisa, what did Yve said?"
"She.....she told me about your true feelings towards me. I am quite grateful for that. I appreciate that. Thank you. She also asked me to consider loving you again. I..."

I was grateful to Yve too for communicating my feelings and helping me. I just hope Lisa would just say yes. I prayed silently inside me.

"I don't know what to do. Please give me some time. I need to think this all over again. I really need to. I am quite confused."
"Ok, I will wait for your reply. But remember this Lisa, I have never cheated you and my feelings for you did not change since the first day we met. It had waned a little here when you left but it is getting stronger and stronger. My heart will always follow you wherever you go. You know that."
"I...I know. But...." she cut herself short. We sent her back that night. Lisa was quite weak physically and emotionally. Yve supported her most of the time. I did not dare to hold her because I know if I did I would not let go.

The next day one of Lisa's friend called me.

"Min, Lisa tried to commit suicide. She had an over dosage of sleeping pills. The doctors are trying to cleanse her stomach in GH now. Hurry!"

I took a cab. It was eleven pm. When I reached there, I saw her parents and little sister with her friend that called me outside an emergency room. They looked worried. I went over and joined. I was very frightened the worst would happen. I prayed silently to the heavens to save her. She was just a victim of love. Ohh..please don't let her die.

After half an hour, a few hospital staff came out. One of them spoke to us.

"There is nothing to worry now. She is fine but quite weak. We had cleansed and flushed her stomach and removed the toxins already. By the way, who gave her those sleeping pills?"
"They are actually my wife's. Her doctor prescribed them to her when she complained of insomnia." Lisa's father replied.
"I see. Anyway, there is nothing to worry. She will have to stay inside the hospital for a few days to be observed. After that she can go home."

We were all so relieved. I advised her parents and Lisa's friend to go back home. Her parents were quite tired and old. I walked with her when the nurse pushed her roller bed to a ward. The nurse told me that I can go back too but I preferred to stay. I sat beside her. She was not conscious. I just want to stay a little while longer with her.

Just in case she needs someone there. Just in case I might never get to see her again if such things were to happen again. I realized that how precious time with another person you love is while we are still alive. A policeman came shortly. He was directed by the nurse to Lisa's bed.

"Is this the girl that tried to commit suicide?"
"Yes, but she is sleeping now. Can I help you?"
"I need to take a statement. What is your relation to this girl?"
"I..."

I pondered for a while. I had suddenly forgotten what my relation to her was. At the same time I do not want to make fun of myself in front of the policeman.

"I am her good friend." I replied.
"I see. Can you tell me exactly what you know about the facts of this
case? Wait...your name first, please"

After giving my statement, I stayed on. I spent the night with Lisa. She slept quite peacefully, except that she woke up once and asked for water. I gave it to her and she went back to sleep immediately. The duty nurse there was quite relief that she has one less patient to take care of.

The next day Lisa woke up at ten am. She looked a bit tired but after the nurse brought her to wash up, her face looked radiant again.

"The nurse told me you stayed here whole night." she said slowly and weakly.
"Yes. I just want to be with you."

She was silent for a while. She looked out of the window and stared at the buildings faraway. Suddenly she broke down and cried.

"Lisa, cry your heart out. I won't stop you. If you want to tell me anything, just say. I am here for you."

She sobbed louder. I sat on her bed and held her in my arms. She cried for quite some time. When her crying reduced to sobbing, I asked,

"Why do you do such a silly thing?"
"I just don't know. I just hate myself for being so naive to fall for him again he cheated me again. I just hate myself for being so worthless and stupid. I hate myself. I lost confidence in everything because it seems that it's always in a mess. I just wanted to die and let go of everything."
"No. You should not say that. Do you know if you leave there would be many people who will be very sad? Think about how your parents will react. Think about who will take care of them. Think about you little sister. Who is going to guide her?"
"I don't know"
"But most of all Lisa. If you leave, someone will be very sad because he loves you very much. Don't you see? Without Roger, you will still have me! And why do you make those who love you very much so sad? Your parents love you, and I love you too, very much."
"Isn't it too late that I know now?"
"No Lisa. We can start all over again."
"I....I need time to think over again. I can't answer you right now. I need to think carefully this time."
"I know. I also hope you don't foul up your next relationship. Whether with me or not. I will wait for you reply."

I don't know if what I said was correct. She started sobbing again. After a while, she stopped. She kept quiet for a long time. A short while later, her parents came to visit her. I had stopped my teaching temporary to be with her. Lisa also had a re-paper in a CS subject. We revised together in the hospital initially until she became fit enough to leave the place.

I went to her place to continue our preparation for our re-paper. Ken came to help once in a while. After every 'revision' day, I would stay for dinner. I think I had built a good rapport with her parents. Roger did not call her again. Perhaps Roger had made used of that night as a reason to dump her again. Yve was very supportive. She encouraged me and taught me how to win Lisa heart again, only this time it is harder.

NUS Love Story - Part 10

She is really sobbing now. When I first knew her she was a fierce and strong' type of woman. But now under such emotional strain she just broke down. Girls are still girls after all.

"One day I couldn't get through to him. I thought his phone is damaged so I went over to visit him unannounced. I was at the foot of his block when I saw that girl with him again. I was so angry. I ran over and stopped them right in their tracks. Both of them were quite shock to see me."
"She winced when she saw me raising my hand to slap him. He just stood there without moving. Then she said smugly,'David does not want you because you are too hot tempered. You are just not feminine enough. You cannot give him what I can. You are not fit to be his girlfriend.'"
"I was so angry that I slapped her as well. She looked so shock and then she broke down and cried. David slapped me back in retaliation. I was so humiliated, angry and sad. I stood there and cried too. No one has ever slapped me before. David stood there and looked at both of us. Both of us were crying. But he eventually went to her and pacify her, holding her in his arms. I felt so neglected, so unwanted and so unloved. I ran away from the place, from both of them. It was quite obvious that he has chosen her over me. From then on, I never hear from David or her again, even until now."
"If he wants to leave me because he does not like my temper, he could have told me. I could have changed. I am still thinking of what that girl said when she said that I cannot give him something that she could. I just don't know the real reason why he left me for her." So that was how she broke of with her boyfriend. She was quite right when she said that she does not know why her ex-boyfriend wanted to 'leave' her by going out with the second girl because she still cannot control her own temper. She also does not know that her temper can really make her lose out in this world. She is also quite independent person, a threat to some guys.
"I tried to change myself as much as I can but it was too hard. I want to learn how to tolerate others. I tried hard. The other day when you came over and played a prank on me, I was quite angry. The next day I tried to show you that I am 'forgave' you by accepting you treat. Please don't be angry. I think I have lost my first boyfriend this way. Believe me, I really want to change but...."

It was quite sad to see her crying. I did not know how to console her. I am not good with words. I just held her in my arms. She said later that she want to learn how to control her temper before she wants to control a relationship. There was once when we went to a hawker centre after lesson. She asked me more about Lisa. I told her how we met and why we were not together. I also told her about Roger.

"So she preferred you to Roger?" she asked.
"Must be. If not she would be with me."
"You have not really shown or showered her with concern. Roger did. Roger is willing to hunger himself for her and willing to change for her. Will you?"

That question really stumped me. I have never thought of that. I searched my mind and could not find any thing 'sacrificial' that I did for Lisa that I can boast about. I only realized this too late.

"If you really love her, then you should not mind her past mistakes. You should forgive her. You should even sacrifice your precious time and many efforts for her. You had been too stubborn. When you decided to put everything on hold, she must really felt unwanted and hunger for love. She hopes you will say yes but you did not."
"How would you know?" I asked.

I was half-regretting what I did not do then.

"Min, I am a girl. I understand how a girl feels. You...you are quite insensitive. You should have said yes if you really love her then." I regretted my action. I only realized that I really love her later but of course, all is too late then. And of course, there is no hope now.

"Roger came along and filled the void. Lisa is human too. As you said, she the emotional and passionate type. Someone who gives easily and receives easily. Such people are easy prey for others who make use of them." I nodded in agreement.
"She needs love, care and concern during that period. Roger came along and showed her he is sincere and she accepted it. You are just too slow in actions and realizing your true feelings."

I looked at Yve's eyes. They were sincere and true. I was grateful for her lesson in love but it was all too late.

"You can forget about everything now and start over a new leaf. Find a new person if you want."
"No, not now. Lisa is still very much alive in me. I still love her."
"If I could do it all over again I would change history. I really would. I still love her." I thought to myself.

The first year result was released. She did quite well. Ken passed well. I had a re-paper. I was actually quite happy considering my state of mental condition and the amount of work I put in. We went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate. It was quite expensive but we had earned ourselves a tidy sum and also this occasion really called for a celebration. Just when we were about to eat.

I saw Roger coming into the restaurant with Lisa tailing behind. Lisa saw me but Roger did not. We smiled at each other when they passed the sector where we were seated. They found themselves a place at another corner of the restaurant. I observed them but I did not tell Yve. I saw them talking with animated gestures. Lisa seemed to be angry with him but Roger did not seem to care.

At one point Lisa stood up and Roger motioned her to sit down fiercely. She obeyed and seemed to be sobbing inside her. I continued talking to Yve about how I intend to spend the rest of my holidays. I told her I would spend my second last week in Indonesia with Ken.

Suddenly I heard Lisa shouting "Then why do you lie to me again?". A few of those patrons of the restaurants looked at them for a while. Roger was embarrassed and he said something to Lisa, perhaps trying to cool her down. They talked for a while.

"You liar! You liar! You said that the last time. I would not believe you again. And I am going to leave you! You hear me? I am going to leave you and you are going to regret this." Lisa shouted again.

This time Roger stood up and left the table without even saying a word to Lisa. He was quite embarrassed. She was left crying alone behind at the table. It was quite a scene. I looked at Yve and told her

"Yve, that's Lisa over there. I think Roger and her had quarreled. Roger left already and Lisa is crying. I am going over to take a look."
"I'll come along."

We walked over to her table, ignoring all those curious stares around us.
"Lisa, what happened?" I asked. She looked up and shook her head.
"Tell me. Tell me what happened. Did Roger make you angry?" I asked. She nodded her head. Amidst her sobbing she said "He is seeing the rich girl again. I asked him to stop but he refused. He said it was only once but I actually had friends who saw them together a few times. He even said that it was his and the rich girl's business, not mine and that he is at liberty to do anything he likes."

Yve touched my hand and whispered "Now is your chance Min. Take it."

NUS Love Story - Part 9

I was quite pleasantly surprised.

"Do I have the honor to send you back?"

She smiled sweetly and we left the place together. I learnt that she really looked at my particulars and was satisfied that I come from a 'clean' background.

"So is this your permanent job?" I asked her.
"No. Like you I am waiting for my first year accountancy results."
"Oh, then we are on the same boat right?" She smiled.

We walked passed a hawker centre which is still bustling with life and vigour. The place is famous for many local foods.

"Hey, want to have supper or late dinner?" I asked.
"I had my dinner. Supper will do."

I treated her to one of the local delicacies. We talked on a wide range of topics and discussed many 'issues' at great length. I learnt that her father is deceased and her mother is supporting two children. Her elder brother is in Engineering in NUS. She needs to earn her own pocket money herself. She also has to pay part of her own NTU tuition fees. That was why she was working then. Quite a remarkable girl.

"Have you had any boyfriend?"
"Yes. Some time ago. We broke off one year ago."
"Oh I am sorry."

I was curious why they broke off. I asked her,

"Who initiated it?"
"Him." she said matter-of-factly.
"You are quite beautiful and nice too. Why does he want to break off from you?"
"I don't know. Ask him lor." I liked her reply.

Perhaps she does not want to reply me. Perhaps that guy really dump her for another girl, just like Lisa during her first relationship. Perhaps it was her who left him. After supper I volunteered to send her back. She agreed. We took a bus to her place. I also insisted to send her right to her door-step.

"Well, we have reached my door. Thank you for you treats."
"You are very welcome. I hope we can get together again. Can we?"

She did not say anything. She just smiled and opened her door and went inside. Before she closed the door she whispered,

"Tomorrow same time, same place. My treat. See you."

We went out a few times after my lessons. We got to know each other quite well. I learnt that Yve does not want to commit herself to another relationship. I also found out that my liking for her was quite superficial. It was a crush only. She was like a good colleague to me, a good confider, a good friend. A very good friend indeed as I learnt later on.

We would talk about our own experiences in love to one another. I told her about Lisa and Sally. She told me about her weakness. She said that one failure is enough for her. She does not want to experience another.

"Why are you so afraid to try again?"
"Because I do not want to fail again."

She was quite stubborn. She just refused to change. I tried to tell her not to shut herself out of this world.

"But if you don't try, you will never succeed!"
"But if I do not try, I will never fail!" she snapped back quickly.

Her eyes glaring at me. They were quite fierce and they burned deep into mine.

"You are stubborn and hot-tempered." I retorted.

I waited for her to cool down a bit before asking her

"How did you know him?"
"Who? Him?"

I nodded my head. I was really curious about him and her relationship.

"He was my JC classmate. We went steady in our JC first year. We were quite immature then. We believed in all the things that romance will bring when we don't even know what love is. Such were the days then. He was good to me. One day in the middle of our second year, a friend saw him going out with another girl. I questioned him about it and he admitted it. He lied to me earlier that he was going for his CCA. I forgave him. I was quite foolish to let him go like that."

Sometimes wisdom eludes me. I just do not understand why the guy would want to cheat her when I find her so wonderful and perfect.

"We went on as nothing happened. Then one day nearing the prelims, I discovered that he went out with the girl again. This time it was to a park near our JC. When I confronted him again, he said that the girl needed someone to help her in her school work as the exams are near. I was furious. I mean, she could have asked other guys for help, why must she ask him to help? I told him that we were finished and that he had used his only chance. We did not talk for many days after that."

I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she related the story. I pitied her for being cheated the second time.

"Just after the prelims, he asked me out. He said he wanted to give me back my things. I thought it was true and I agreed to meet him. We met at the park near our school and there he pleaded me to go back to him. He said 'I really can't live without you. I promise not to see her again'. At first I was not taken by his pleas. Then he went over to the middle road and stood at the bend. He said that unless I agree, he would not come back to the pavement. I thought he was joking. Just then, a truck really came by quite fast. I shouted to him to jump aside but he was too shock to react. Luckily the truck managed to stop in time and only knocked him gently. He was quite shaken. I was so touched by his sincerity to change that I forgave him immediately."

"We continued to be together as before and even grew closer after the 'A' levels. We indulged in light petting occasionally. Shortly he was due for enlistment. After his enlistment, I found work as a temporary relief teacher."

"Every weekend we would go out. Times were quite good, until after his posting to the NCO school. He would come back home and refuse to go out with me, saying that he is very tired. Sometimes I would go over to his house to see him. We would talk about his 'punishment' during training and about his unreasonable instructors. I would also help him to pack his 'barang barang' for his next book-in. Life was quite ok. Then one day..."

NUS Love Story - Part 8

Life was back to 'normal'. It was a silent and 'uneventful' Christmas week for me. A friend had tried to ask me to go to his church but I was too sad even to consider. I only want to spend some time alone, sorting out my thoughts and feelings. It was a difficult week to pass through. I wanted to call Lisa, but I know she has better company. I wanted to call Sally too, but I suppose she does not want to talk to me, at least for that week.

Many people had New Year resolutions. So had I. But will it ever come true? Will it be realized? I prayed silently that it will. When terms resumes in the New Year, I was even more miserable. It was very sad to see Lisa so happy without me. It was even harder when I saw Sally sad and sorrowful. She seems to be avoiding me. I felt so close to them, yet so far. Just too far to even talk.

I decided to call her after the first week. She picked up the call herself.

"To what do I owe this honour?" she said curtly.
"Why do you say this? Can't I just call?"
"I do not wish to talk to you or anything about this. Please don't call me."
"Wait...I really want to say I was sorry. Yes I really do like Lisa but that doesn't mean I don't like you."
"So?"
"Nothing. I also want to tell you that I was very sad at that time so Lisa consoled me. We talked about our relationship. About some problems I was facing."
"Problems? What problems? Please explain."
"I was confused as to whether I like you or your money. I hate to like you for your money but that could be true. But I must say I was very happy with you."
"Huh? Why don't you tell me this? Why can't you discuss this with me before you discuss with her? Am I second in your eyes?"
"No...It’s just that I find that I am better in relating my problems to her. I think she understands me a lot. I just wanted to discuss our problems with her."
"So what? Does she have to kiss your hands?"
"Why are you so possessive?"
"Possessive? Would any girl like another girl to hold her boyfriend's hand, let alone kiss it?"
"She and I were very close once."
"But that does not give you any reason to do that. If you really love only me, then you would not allow that to happen."

She was right. I love Lisa too. And I know she still have some affection for me. It's just that she love Roger more than me. The conversation did not last more than ten minutes. I have explained to Sally what happened. I do not expect her to come back. Perhaps I really like her, not love her. I was miserable for a long time. Life was just so boring. Somehow I do not miss Sally. But I kept thinking of Lisa.

Somehow I just hope that Lisa would know that someone is thinking of her every every hour, every minute. Would the heaven tell her please? She ought to know how I felt for her. But then it was no use. She was happy the way she was.

The examination was approaching fast. I found it quite hard to concentrate on my studies. Ken tried to help me too but each time I would decline his help. I just want to spend my time alone. I would daydream of my own princess whom I will meet someday and we would be happily ever after. It was very silly but that's better than reality. It is only in my dream that I have someone I love and someone who love me too.

Reality is always harder to take, harder to accept. It is also harsher and cruel. Somehow I learnt to believe only in dreams and learnt not to trust reality.I focused my attention on my studies and my dream. The examinations came quickly and passed even quicker. It was not before long that I found myself with so much extra time. I do not need to go back to serve my remaining time in the army like some of my poor classmates. I have a lot of time to myself, too much in fact.

However, the extra time also began make me feel very lonely. My mind began to work out of control again. Images of Lisa and Sally came flashing. I felt so bad and unable to concentrate on anything I do. Luckily it was after the examinations or else I would be in trouble. I tried to get my mind off from such BGR things by looking for a job.

I looked up the newspaper and found a job as a part-time tutor at a famous overseas educational centre. I taught O-level maths and physics. Life began to get better as my mind is off from BGR problems. I taught 5 times a week to 3 classes. It was only at night and I get to have the day free. During the day I would either stay at home or go out with Ken and his girlfriend occasionally. Life was slowly getting better.

One day I reached the centre earlier than usual. The staff who worked during the day has not gone off work yet. I noticed a particular attractive girl. She has long hair and an almond shape face. Her eyes were quite beautiful. Her skin is fair and shiny. Her legs are long and slender. She looks quite good. I approached her and sat at the customer chair. She saw me and started to speak to me.

"Interested in signing for a course?" she asked.
"Ehh...yes." "What level are you in?"
"O-level."

She stared at me for a while. She must be thinking that I am too old to be a O-level student.

"What subjects are you interested to be tutored on?"
"Ehh..A Maths and E. Maths."
"Sorry. The classes are full already. What about other subjects like Physics and Geography?" "Physics please."
"Your name please?"

I told her my name, She looked at me with furrowed eyebrow. She stood up and went over to a filing cabinet and took out a file labelled 'Employee Particulars'. She flipped through and then stopped. She looked at me angrily and walked back to the reception desk.

"Are you trying to be funny? You are an employee aren't you?"
"Well, I am. I only want to talk to you."

She was furious when she heard this. She looked at me sternly and said,

"You want me to complain to the manager?" I was startled.

I did not expect her to be fierce. I apologized to her and left for my lesson quickly, full of embarrassment. The next day I went early like the day before. I wanted to catch a glimpse of her and perhaps say sorry again. She was there at her reception desk as usual. I sat down in front of her.

"Want to take up tuition again?" she asked naughtily.
"Well, this time is different. Now I want to ask give you an apology and I want to treat you to dinner or supper."
She smiled and replied "You have already said sorry yesterday. No, I do not go out with strangers. I am very sorry."

She looked so sweet when she smiled again. She was being diplomatic but then her smile was great. Somehow her reaction was quite different from yesterday.

"You can read my particulars from the employees file if you want. Then we would not be strangers right?" I asked cheekily.

She gave a half-smile and said "No. Thank you very much. I am very flattered. Perhaps some other time."

Her body language gestured me to get lost. I got up from the chair with a bruised ego. She was so nice. She declined me so with style though not so gently. I like her style. I went ahead with my teaching. When lessons is over at nine pm, I bade the students goodbye and packed up my stuff... When I pass the reception, I noticed her sitting there. I walked over to the waiting area.

"Hi, aren't you going back?" I asked.
"I am waiting for you."

NUS Love Story - Part 7

The next day I decided to apologies to Sally. I sent her a mail saying I was sorry. I was quite confused as whether to carry on the relationship. I also began to wonder whether I was 'living off' my girlfriend and whether I really love her or her money. Quite absentmindedly I talk to Lisa although I did not know if she was logged on. To my surprise she replied quite quickly.

"I am fine. How are you?" she asked.
"Sad. Very sad."
"How come? I thought you are happy with your new girlfriend?"
"That's the problem. It’s the relationship that's the problem"
"Tell you what....wait for me at the usual central place half an hour later. I will join you" I sent the second mail to Sally and asked her to go back herself.

I took the internal shuttle to Central to see Lisa. This time it's a different kind of feeling. A feeling that was quite opposite of the last time I went to Central to see her.

"So what's your problem?" she asked.
"People think I am 'living off' my new girl."
"How did you know that?"
"I overheard yesterday. What they said was quite true too."
"What do you mean living off?"
"I mean she paid for all our expenses. I volunteered but she wanted to. She is quite rich actually. I did not think of that until those remarks I heard yesterday woke me up."
"Well, if both of you are sincere then it's ok. Don't give up so easily."
"The problem is that I myself don't know if I really like her or the money she spent on us. Tell me, what would you do?"
"Actually I am not much better. Roger's friends seem to think that I am with him for his money. I felt hurt too but I didn't care. I love him and he loves me. That's all I care."
"That's because both of you are quite sure of yourselves. For me, I am not quite sure. Since you left me, I have not been able to love another person as fully as I should. I have really lost my ability to love again. I really feel bad."

I did not mean to say those words but they just blurted out. Lisa was visibly shocked. She looked at me with teary eyes and then looked down onto the table again.

I clasped her hands in mine and said sorry softly, "You don't have to be sorry. I am the one who should say sorry. I was the one who gave you so much trouble."

She only realized this too late. She took my hands and kissed them. She was still so sweet, so gentle. Her eyes spoke volumes of sorrows and regret. I really wanted to tell her to come back to me. I still love her more than Sally. Just then, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked at and saw Sally heading towards our position. Lisa pushed my hands from her lips and withdrew them but Sally saw it all. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stood there staring in disbelief.

"I tried to look for you when I received your first mail. I wanted to say that I accept your apology personally but when located your where you are, I saw you leaving the IBM room in a hurry. I followed. I suspected you are going to see Lisa. I was right." I was quite shock by her revelation.
"I hid behind the book shelf and watch two of you. I really don't mind if two of you just talk. But she kissed your hands..." she sobbed.

At this time we were attracting quite an attention. I felt uneasy. Lisa was embarrassed and regretted her action. Both of us sat there feeling remorseful and guilty. Both of us did not say any word. "Min, do you love her or do you love me?" Sally asked painfully.

"I..." I did not know how to reply. On one hand I am afraid to disappoint Sally. On the other hand I wanted to use the situation to tell Lisa that I still love her sincerely.

Sally stood there expecting a reply. I just stared at the table. Lisa was looking at me, half afraid of the reply. I knew she would want me to go back to Sally but I wanted to tell her I love her. Sally closed her eyes and said, "I know your reply. I know. I can only say that I was wrong about your feelings. I was wrong in my judgment. I was just too hopeful."

She tried to stop her sobbing but failed. "Min, I love you but you love her right?" she asked. She tried to fake a smile but it was futile. "Why am I still standing here? I ... I got to go." she said tearfully and ran upstairs. Lisa was quite shocked. She stared at the shadows of Sally and looked at me again.

"Min, I really don't know what to say to you. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have."

She need not say sorry. Her kiss was worth it in my eyes. I realized now that I love her much more than Sally. But then, will it help? It was too late anyway. Just then Roger came along. He was more controlled than before. He saw us and walked over. He still looks as good as before.

"Am I disturbing both of you? Hey, how come there are people looking at both of you?"
"No. Min had some problems that we were trying to solve."
"Oh! I just wanted to remind Lisa that the show will start soon and we must hurry."
"Min, I think need to go now. I am sorry. Talk to me again if you have any problem that I can help. See you."

Roger wanted to hold her hand but she withdrew her's. I stared at their images as they walked up the staircase.I did not know how long I stared at the staircase. I only found myself weeping silently sometime later. It was quite unbelievable.

At one moment I was with two girls that I like very much. The next and both of them left me. It was a strange feeling. Strange thoughts began to cross my mind. Perhaps I was meant to be single. Perhaps I was meant to have only temporary girlfriends only.

Perhaps all girls are not meant to stay long with me. “Perhaps”.