She is really sobbing now. When I first knew her she was a fierce and strong' type of woman. But now under such emotional strain she just broke down. Girls are still girls after all.
"One day I couldn't get through to him. I thought his phone is damaged so I went over to visit him unannounced. I was at the foot of his block when I saw that girl with him again. I was so angry. I ran over and stopped them right in their tracks. Both of them were quite shock to see me."
"She winced when she saw me raising my hand to slap him. He just stood there without moving. Then she said smugly,'David does not want you because you are too hot tempered. You are just not feminine enough. You cannot give him what I can. You are not fit to be his girlfriend.'"
"I was so angry that I slapped her as well. She looked so shock and then she broke down and cried. David slapped me back in retaliation. I was so humiliated, angry and sad. I stood there and cried too. No one has ever slapped me before. David stood there and looked at both of us. Both of us were crying. But he eventually went to her and pacify her, holding her in his arms. I felt so neglected, so unwanted and so unloved. I ran away from the place, from both of them. It was quite obvious that he has chosen her over me. From then on, I never hear from David or her again, even until now."
"If he wants to leave me because he does not like my temper, he could have told me. I could have changed. I am still thinking of what that girl said when she said that I cannot give him something that she could. I just don't know the real reason why he left me for her." So that was how she broke of with her boyfriend. She was quite right when she said that she does not know why her ex-boyfriend wanted to 'leave' her by going out with the second girl because she still cannot control her own temper. She also does not know that her temper can really make her lose out in this world. She is also quite independent person, a threat to some guys.
"I tried to change myself as much as I can but it was too hard. I want to learn how to tolerate others. I tried hard. The other day when you came over and played a prank on me, I was quite angry. The next day I tried to show you that I am 'forgave' you by accepting you treat. Please don't be angry. I think I have lost my first boyfriend this way. Believe me, I really want to change but...."
It was quite sad to see her crying. I did not know how to console her. I am not good with words. I just held her in my arms. She said later that she want to learn how to control her temper before she wants to control a relationship. There was once when we went to a hawker centre after lesson. She asked me more about Lisa. I told her how we met and why we were not together. I also told her about Roger.
"So she preferred you to Roger?" she asked.
"Must be. If not she would be with me."
"You have not really shown or showered her with concern. Roger did. Roger is willing to hunger himself for her and willing to change for her. Will you?"
That question really stumped me. I have never thought of that. I searched my mind and could not find any thing 'sacrificial' that I did for Lisa that I can boast about. I only realized this too late.
"If you really love her, then you should not mind her past mistakes. You should forgive her. You should even sacrifice your precious time and many efforts for her. You had been too stubborn. When you decided to put everything on hold, she must really felt unwanted and hunger for love. She hopes you will say yes but you did not."
"How would you know?" I asked.
I was half-regretting what I did not do then.
"Min, I am a girl. I understand how a girl feels. You...you are quite insensitive. You should have said yes if you really love her then." I regretted my action. I only realized that I really love her later but of course, all is too late then. And of course, there is no hope now.
"Roger came along and filled the void. Lisa is human too. As you said, she the emotional and passionate type. Someone who gives easily and receives easily. Such people are easy prey for others who make use of them." I nodded in agreement.
"She needs love, care and concern during that period. Roger came along and showed her he is sincere and she accepted it. You are just too slow in actions and realizing your true feelings."
I looked at Yve's eyes. They were sincere and true. I was grateful for her lesson in love but it was all too late.
"You can forget about everything now and start over a new leaf. Find a new person if you want."
"No, not now. Lisa is still very much alive in me. I still love her."
"If I could do it all over again I would change history. I really would. I still love her." I thought to myself.
The first year result was released. She did quite well. Ken passed well. I had a re-paper. I was actually quite happy considering my state of mental condition and the amount of work I put in. We went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate. It was quite expensive but we had earned ourselves a tidy sum and also this occasion really called for a celebration. Just when we were about to eat.
I saw Roger coming into the restaurant with Lisa tailing behind. Lisa saw me but Roger did not. We smiled at each other when they passed the sector where we were seated. They found themselves a place at another corner of the restaurant. I observed them but I did not tell Yve. I saw them talking with animated gestures. Lisa seemed to be angry with him but Roger did not seem to care.
At one point Lisa stood up and Roger motioned her to sit down fiercely. She obeyed and seemed to be sobbing inside her. I continued talking to Yve about how I intend to spend the rest of my holidays. I told her I would spend my second last week in Indonesia with Ken.
Suddenly I heard Lisa shouting "Then why do you lie to me again?". A few of those patrons of the restaurants looked at them for a while. Roger was embarrassed and he said something to Lisa, perhaps trying to cool her down. They talked for a while.
"You liar! You liar! You said that the last time. I would not believe you again. And I am going to leave you! You hear me? I am going to leave you and you are going to regret this." Lisa shouted again.
This time Roger stood up and left the table without even saying a word to Lisa. He was quite embarrassed. She was left crying alone behind at the table. It was quite a scene. I looked at Yve and told her
"Yve, that's Lisa over there. I think Roger and her had quarreled. Roger left already and Lisa is crying. I am going over to take a look."
"I'll come along."
We walked over to her table, ignoring all those curious stares around us.
"Lisa, what happened?" I asked. She looked up and shook her head.
"Tell me. Tell me what happened. Did Roger make you angry?" I asked. She nodded her head. Amidst her sobbing she said "He is seeing the rich girl again. I asked him to stop but he refused. He said it was only once but I actually had friends who saw them together a few times. He even said that it was his and the rich girl's business, not mine and that he is at liberty to do anything he likes."
Yve touched my hand and whispered "Now is your chance Min. Take it."
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