NUS LOVE STORY - PART 6

After our lessons were over, we would go to her place to spend the rest of the afternoon to study. Dinner at her place is solid. Her servant is good at Indian food. I really wonder how she kept her figure. Sometimes we would go to a park or a good eating place. There are times when she would drive her father's car out to a reservoir and she would let me drive the car.

My driving license saw some good use at last. Her dad co-owned a chain of restaurants with her uncles. No wonder she is good with food. Whenever we go out, she never allow me to pay for bill. She always say that her Dad gave a lot of money and if she did not use them, she will also waste it on compact discs, clothes and jewelry. Because she said that, I felt much better.

One Saturday we went to her home as usual. I noticed that she was particularly happier than normal.

"Why are you so happy? Anything up?" I asked.

"A little pre-Christmas surprise for you. You will know later." When we reached her place, she asked me to wait in her room. I noticed that her house was very quiet. I can only hear her pekinese barking at me in the next door.

"Well what's up?" I asked when she returned to her room.

She put down a tray of glasses and vodka and held up my hands and said softly, “Parents went to Indonesia for some business. They took my little sis along. My brother went for some ICT. I gave the maid two days off in return for a promise not to breathe a word about everything. Such chance doesn’t come easily. We can..."

"Wait...why vodka?" I interrupted.

"Vodka makes you feel higher." she breathed those words sexily.

Two of us were alone in a large house. She went over to her personal mini-hifi and repeat-played the theme from Dying Young. I smiled and poured the vodka for ourselves. We drank the crystal clear liquid and felt good and excited. She walked towards me and put her arms around my shoulders. I responded and put mine around her waist. We moved in rhythm to the sentimental music. It felt so wonderful. The music was good. The partner was better and the drink solid. The mood was fantastic. I felt tipsy quite quickly and wanted to stop dancing. She seemed to keep quite a cool head.

I moved my hands to the button of her jean skirt and unbutton it, dropping the skirt onto the floor. She stepped aside and unbuckle my belt, unbuttoning it at the same time. She is a smooth operator. It wasn't long before there was nothing to take off. She led me to her queen size bed. The music was still playing. We were still tipsy. Our mood was even higher and the heat was on... Music was playing. Vodka was working. Passion was flying. And...everything else did not matter. Only ourselves.

I just could not forget that memorable weekend. We had the whole house to ourselves. We had lots of fun and tried many things we normally would not have. Sally also proved to be a great cook. She had planned it the week before when her parents told her they would be going away for a three day business cum sightseeing trip to Indonesia. She is certainly cool. I like that.

One day while waiting for Sally, I decided to log onto VM in IBM room to do my Cobol tutorial.

I was doing halfway when I overheard, "You mean the one who is going out with a guy from first year is it?"

"Ya lor. The one who was driving the car one."

"So what did you see?"

"I saw them at the Ship last Friday. She pay for the bill one you know"

"Wah...so good one. I envy the guy man! He is living off her!"

"May be not lah. May be she is just returning him a treat."

"Aiyah! Whether true or not, if I am the guy I sure very happy one" I was quite hurt at those comments.

I slipped out of the room quietly and went home. I asked myself why I have to suffer such criticism behind my back. Don't they understand that she wants to pay herself? Surely I could afford to pay half of them but since she will waste the money anyway, why worry?

Sally called that night and she was quite furious that I did not wait for her. I gave a lame excuse and hung up. I tried hard to forget what I heard that day.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 5

"Hi! I am Sally" I looked up and saw her. I have never seen her before.
She is tall and looked quite sophisticated too. She has quite a good figure. Her short hair looked very good with her face. She wears expensive clothes too. I was puzzled and surprised.

"Are you sure you are Sally? I've never seen you before."

"Why do you always assume I am a first year? Can't I be second year?"
I was so surprised. People always said that I had luck but I did not believe until now. Yes, I do have luck. But then, even luck also needs effort to work with it. I decided not to let that night slip by. I wanted to turn the night into a memorable night. The first night with Sally.

Sally observed that we were the only Comp Science people there. Good, we did not have to think of computers for a while. The organizer of the tour was a second year Bizad student. She tried hard to get everybody together and mix around. Of course, then two of us clicked immediately and mixing with other people was not important at all. As it was only about a month since Lisa left me, I still felt dejected and lost then. I wanted someone to talk to and someone to listen to my troubles and worries. I poured out my heart to her and she listened well. Perhaps it was also because of the sudden relieved from loneliness that I was feeling; I felt that I could talk to her like a good old friend. I told her about Lisa; about Ken; about how my studies suffered and about my army days. She was an interested listener. She was very patient and quite cultured too I think. Her actions were refined art. The way she smiled, the way she drank her cola, the way she walked, the way she laughed, the way she talked, the way she looked at me, the way she brushed her hair; they all spoke of someone with good etiquette and charged with feminism. Her voice was clear and interesting. I just love watching her and listening to her.

Like two lovers on honeymoon, we were oblivion to the outside world. We only talked to ourselves and 'took care' of our own selves. It was like a small world of our own; sitting on the coach and raveling from place to place. Each time the coach stops; we would be the last one to alight. Each time we leave a place, we would be among the first to get up the coach to look for the back seats. We had more privacy that way.

One of the places we visited was a discotheque. I was there that I discovered that she was a good dancer. It was also there that I discovered that she come from rich family; she frequented high class eating and leisure place quite often with another of her 'high' society girlfriend. She told of me of how guys at those places always wanted to know them and tried dating them too. Her girlfriend was quite game and even went out with some of them. She was a bit more conservative she said. She only went out with an engineer who was six years her senior to pub, or so she said.

The second last place we visited was the fish market. As early as three am, people already started selling and buying fresh vegetables, meat and fish there. We were led to a floating walkway across the warehouse because the whole place can be observed from there. The floating walkway was high and slippery. When the 'guide' stopped at the middle of it to explain to us the various functioning of the place, Sally held onto my elbow as if she was afraid of heights. I seized the chance too hold her hands and led her all the way until we went back to the coach. The feeling was different. With Lisa there was always a fear to be seen by her cousin and her friends. But with Sally, things were quite opposite. We ignored other undergrads who said we were 'fast'. Who cares!

The last place visited was Mount Faber. Some of the people were sleeping; some were talking; but most were buayaing I suppose. We walked to a quiet place away from the rest and settled down onto a lookout bench on a slope. It was quite far from the rest of the group. None of them can see or hear us, but we can see and hear them. Sally sat down beside me and we started talking about our childhood days. She told me about how tomboyish she was; I told her about how girlie I was too. She even told me of how once she urinated onto her flower pot when she learnt that urine can 'help' a plant to grow.

"Do you have any boyfriend before?" I asked.

She looked at me and said, "What do you think?"

"Well you certainly look good and I think you have a lot of suitors."

"Do I look that good? Anyway, there aren't many. Only a few." she replied.

"Hey, tell me why did you break up with Lisa?" I debated whether I should tell her the truth. Knowing that it was quite useless to keep the truth from her, I decided to tell her bits of it.

"I did not break up with her. She left me. She left me for her ex. That's why. “I said curtly. I was a bit angry and a bit sad.

"I just cannot comprehend why she left me so suddenly. I just could not bring her back." "If she ever come back to you, will you still want her?"

I was not so sure myself. I stared out into the horizon. The blinking lights of the ships did not tell me any answer. Neither did the blinking stars above that littered the heaven. I was confused about my own feelings towards Lisa. I was angry with her for changing and dumping me. But then I still love her. I did not know the answer to the question Sally asked.

"I suppose she would not ask me back. I still like her. But I think if she ever comes back to me, I might say 'yes'. It depends on when and why she comes back to me."

"If...say tomorrow?"

"I might."

"What if it's because her ex dump her again?"

"Then I would not."

"But what if she found out she did not love him as much as she loves you?" I was surprised at that question. I really hoped it is true. But will she? In her own words she said that she was falling in love with him again. Will she do the same for me? I did not think I can hold a candle to him at all. I 'lost' him in many ways. "Min, is the question too sensitive. You know you needn't have to answer."

"It's a case I never thought before. I don't know."

I can sense that she was a bit disappointed. I can see in her eyes that she hoped that I would say I will never go back to Lisa. But then did not want to lie to her. What else can I say? The cold morning breeze made our casual wear defenseless against the coldness. Sally folded her arms and rubbed her own elbows. She did not want to look at me. Through the sunlight that was trying to break through the horizon, I can see a sparkle in her eye. My heart just melted. I could sense that she needed someone to hold her; to prop up her lost confidence and hope. I put my arms around her shoulders, trying to shield her away from the cold breeze. She was a bit surprised; she just moved closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

We were silent for about a few minutes. Both of us needed one another for warmth, both kinds of warmth.
"Min, I want to tell you I like you. You don't have to feel the same."

"I...I like you too. It's just that I still cannot forget Lisa. I mean I enjoy talking to you. I enjoy being with you. I like your company. I really hope we can be better friends and perhaps, special friends."

"Really?" her face lit up.

"Yes, I want to give us a try. Will you..." She does not need words to communicate her answer and feelings. She turned around and gave me a 'side' hug with a quick peck on the cheek. I was elated. I felt so wonderful. Never has anyone kissed me so suddenly. I felt safe and secured too. She semi-snuggled on the bench and rested her head on my lap. I looked at her contented look and was very happy. I played with her short hair and also fingered with her bracelet. We did not need any words to communicate feelings. Our touches were electrified and deliberated.

Morning has just broken. A new day, a new chapter waited us.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 4

I just couldn't believe people can change so fast. I did not blame her either. I couldn't forget my first love either. And I dare say I still have special feelings for her though I know I would never want her back. I closed my world to everything other than eat, sleep, and study; the three Ss of NUS life. Ken was busy himself when his Arts girlfriend demanded he spend more time with her than me. Ken relented and he spent most of him time after lessons with her.

I did not tell anybody other than Ken what had happened. Ken wanted to help but he was busy himself. I led a semi-recluse life. I skipped some lectures and tutorial. Lisa herself was busy as she will disappear right after the last lesson to heaven knows where with Roger. Ken would do the same with his Arts girl. I was left all alone to lead my life. Some of my classmates teased me saying I had become a lone ranger but I didn't care. How would they know the plight I am in? Would they understand? So what if they could? Can they help?

Even my family noticed my weird behavior. Mom asked me if things are alright in school. How can I tell her the truth? It will only break her heart. Life became intolerable. I became a zombie-like creature. People would ask me why I didn't understand or remember what they said. Lectures also became so boring. Tutorial seems to come two at a time. Things just didn't go right.

The one-month break came. It was such a timely break for me to catch up my undone tutorial. Like what Aaron said, the undergrad's life revolves around the 4 Ls : Lecture, Loo, Lunch and Love. For me, it's
minus the last L and plus another one, Loneliness. Our project group for Pascal assignment wanted to meet almost every week to do it. I was naturally given the simplest part when Ken told the rest that I had some family problem. He is still a good friend after all. Afraid that I would hold up the group, Ken did quite some of my parts as I just couldn't solve the algo bugs.

"Now, let's see if you can solve the last bit yourself. It shouldn't be too difficult if you had read on those functions Min" Ken challenged me.

"Ok, I'll give it a shot" I replied

"That's my man. Seize the day and make more out of it!" Ken encouraged.

I stayed later than the rest to debug my part. The rest of my teammates had gone back an hour ago. I really wanted to do this final part myself. Ken had helped me a lot but then I need to learn this myself or else I would not know how to do it later in the exams. I stayed at the terminal until eight plus. I tried quite hard until at around eight thirty when I finally solved the last problem and my part ran through smoothly. I was so happy that I shouted hooray as if I had just reached a huge mountaintop.

But really, it was on top of the world feeling. Suddenly a message flashed across the screen.

"Hi, still working at this hour?"

"Yes. Doing Pascal assignment" I replied using the talk facility to reply Karen.

"Oh! I just want to say you let out a great smile just now" I stood up immediately and looked around the big vax room. Karen is not in sight.

"Hey where are you? How come you can see me and I cannot see you?"

"I can see you but you cannot see me :)"I spied at the other ten plus users in big vax room but none of them resemble Karen in any way.

“You seem very gloomy these days. Your smile just now was simply fantastic"

"Karen, where are you"

"Please don't ask me where I am. I won't tell you" I was puzzled by the message.

Karen normally does not talk on vax. She was those mugger type who do not stay until so late too.

"You don't sound like Karen. Who are you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Karen does not stay so late and she does not use talk anyway"

"You are right. I am not Karen. I am a friend of her"

"Why are you using her acct?"

"Because I want to talk to you and..."

"And what?"

"And I do not want you to know who am I"

"huh? Why?" "Because..."

"Because?" "Because I like you." That message came like a bolt out of the blue. I took quite some time to register what happened.

"Excuse me, if you are playing a prank, I advise you to stop. This is not funny"

"I am serious. I had observed you for a long time. I even know that you and Lisa are no longer together" I was shocked. No one except Ken and Lisa's friends knew about our relationship let alone that we broke off. I also knew that this mysterious girl was quite serious.

"Why do you use her acct? You can use yours to talk to me"

"No. I rather not reveal myself. I am quite contented. Do you know that when you are gloomy you are not the only one?"

"How come?"

"The one who like you feel the same as you do. Do you know?" I was pleasantly surprised. I had never imagined myself to be observed let alone like by a girl. I am neither handsome, rich nor good in studies. Perhaps this girl sees something in me?

"Hey, why don't you tell me who are you?"

"No. I can't. And please don't ask Karen too. And please please don't use qt80" "

what qt80?"

"Oh never mind. as I expected" At that time I did not know what was qt80 as I seldom use vax other than read those mails of tutorial assignments, talk to Lisa some time ago and do this Pascal assignment..

The next day when I saw Karen came back to do her Pascal assignment I observed her and even talked to her. She was either a superb actress or she really did not know what happened. I did not tell anyone this mysterious person. The second time the mysterious person talked to me was late at night while I was using modem to do the documentation for my part.

"Hi...Pascal again?"

"Yes." "I am NOT Karen"

"Yes I know. Karen does not own a modem. I found out that she does not own a pc"

"Quite clever of you. Hey, can I ask you some questions?"

"Sure. Go ahead"

"why do you and Lisa break up?"

"Sorry, I think it's too personal. I am very sorry"

"it's ok. I am just curious. Hey, tell me, when is your birthday?"

"It's over two months ago. What about yours?"

"Mine is at the middle of the year. May 19"

"Oh mine is 2/9. What name shall I call you?" There was a pause before she continued.

"Just call me Sally"

"Is that you real name?"

"No. It's just a name that I like. Btw, how many people are there in your family?"

"You doing a family survey? Joking"

"No. Just like to know. You mind?"

"Surely not. I have a younger sister and my parents of course. What about you?"

"Oh I have an elder brother and a younger sister."

"I see." Our conversations lasted until quite late in the morning.

I found out a lot more about Sally now. I tried to bait her to tell me more about her name and class but she was quite careful. I gave up quickly and concentrated on trying to find out more about her. She was from an ordinary JC and had formally taken Comp Science there. No wonder she is quite good with computers. Her father is technician and her mother is a housewife. Sally was a free thinker but she still prays to those Chinese deities. Her hobbies included playing piano and making cross-stitch.

I also found out that she is a kind and sensitive person from the wide range of topics we talked about. One day I was using vax when Sally talked to me again. She asked me if I would be interested to go for a Raffles Affiliates outing.

"So when is the night tour?" I asked.

"On 29 Nov, after school re-opens. The night tour is over Sat night till Sunday."

"Are you going yourself?" "I might...if you go. Then you will know who I am"

"sure, I'll be interested to go and find out who you are"

"Then welcome! See u there!" I was quite curious who this Sally was.

I signed alone because I am afraid Ken's presence might make Sally feel awkward. Time passed quickly and Nov 29 came. We were to wait at YIH for the coach to pick us up. I waited apprehensively at the assigned location. I had never been to a night tour and I was pretty excited. I was even more excited as I was about to meet the mysterious Sally. I sat alone from the rest of the people attending the tour. It seems I was the only Comp Science student there.

Suddenly a girl's voice called out.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 3

I suddenly realized why she always wear white and black and I also realized why she did not want to be seen with me. She was just so unfortunate.

"I am truly sorry. I shouldn't have suspected you nor asked you things like that."

Both of us kept quiet for sometime. Her half an hour long narration shocked me and drove words out of my mind. She was silent too. She still sat upright beside me.

She looked at me and asked, "Do you still want me?"

Her eyes were blank. A sign of defeat and hopelessness was all I can sense. I stared into those blank eyes and think hard, not knowing what to think or what to say. Her background was complex and difficult to accept. I did not know if we can carry this through together too. I just did not know what to do.

I love her. But yet I was afraid of what had happened. I was afraid that the past would catch up with the present. I was afraid of what other people would say about us if we carry on. I was afraid of what her last boyfriend's stepsister would think and do. Will she accept the fact that her stepbrother's lover is in someone else's arms in just a mere four months?

Besides, I had hoped that my girlfriend would be a 'pure' girl. I do not mind about past relationships but she had already given herself to two other guys. I blamed her for being too liberal. But then, am I any better? I had sex before with my first love too although we were still virgins. I debated for a long time. I know she loved me very much as she had put her own future in my hands by telling me her deepest secrets. I am glad that she was frank with me. I really grateful that she did not hide anything from me.

So many odds were against us. The heavens seemed to be smiling on me just a few hours ago. They seemed to be spitting and cursing me then. Her gaze was still fixed on me. She was still waiting for my reply. I knew what I was about to say will change both of our future. I had planned to tell her I want her, I need her and I love her. I turned and met her gaze but she spoke first.

"Min, don't pity me. If you are going say 'yes' to make me feel better, please don't. Both of us will not be happy together. I think its better that we put everything on hold first and see how things will work out. Let time be a test of our real love for one another. But remember...I do love you. There is always a special place for you in my heart. You know my feelings towards you. You make the decision, sometime later."

My heart sank. How could she say that? She might have no confidence in the future but at least let us fight this battle together. On the other hand, this might seems be a better solution. I agreed to her suggestion. Perhaps time will be a better judge than ourselves.

Three weeks had passed since we last talked to one another. We still say 'Hi' but we neither talk face to face nor on vax. Schoolwork also became heavier and heavier. It was a strange feeling altogether to be alone again except for Ken's company during school hours. During that two weeks Ken was very supportive. He did not know why we decided to put everything on hold. He offered to help but can he help? He got himself a girl from Arts that he met in his CCA. She was quite good too. She also offered to help but Ken had asked her to join her friends because he wanted to be with me during this difficult time. I was very grateful to both of them.

She did not say how long we must wait. She just said we put everything on hold. I know I couldn't wait any longer. I just need her badly because I love her very much. Every now and then she would just pop up from my mind whenever my mind is wondering. I thought of her on bus. I thought of her in between the lecturer's pauses. I thought of her while brushing my teeth. I thought of her while trying to sleep at night. I just can't concentrate on my work or anything I was doing. Life became so unbearable without her.

I decided to talk to her face to face. I know where she usually goes after lesson, an obscure corner in the Central Library. I had made up my mind to tell her I need her and I love her. The internal shuttle service journey just did not seem fast enough. I hope the bus driver would just hurry up and get to Central quickly. Can't he understand I am going to tell her I love her and I want her? If only the driver knew. I alighted at Central and ran towards the Central Library.

I took two to three steps at a time up the spiral staircase. I just can't wait to tell her the good news. I saw her studying alone at the same old place that we used to study together. I walked quietly behind her and hugged her from the back. My lips moved just in time to stop her mouth from letting out a scream and stole a quick kiss.

"Lisa, I can't live without you. I want you. Please back come to me. I love you." Her shock statement puzzled me.

I thought she should be very happy to be with me. Before I can ask her anything a hand patted on my shoulders.

"Hey, why do you kiss my girlfriend?" I spun around and saw a big guy behind me.

He was half a head taller and quite muscular. He was quite tanned too. I was shocked. Why is he talking like that?

"Excuse me guys. Let me explain." Lisa said hurriedly.

"Min, this is Roger. Roger, meet Min. Min is the guy I was with for the past 3 months and Roger is my first boyfriend."

I was even shocked this time. What had happened? Is everything and everybody going crazy?

"Lisa, I demand to know what is happening. Would you mind explaining?" I asked angrily.

"Roger, please leave us for a moment. I'll join you...no, I'll meet you in your car later. Wait for me there." Roger went away but before he did he gave me the do-anything-funny-or-else-I'll-bash-you-up kind of look. That did not scare me at all until I recalled that he was a rugby player.

"Min. I hope you will forgive me. Yes I still love him. I had always loved him. I had given him my virginity. He is my first love, can't you see? My first love!"

My heart just shattered into a million pieces. I sat there not knowing what to do. Everything just did not look right. I just couldn't believe what was just said by someone I love so much.

"I love you too. I always will. I said you will always have a special place in my heart. You certainly will have." she consoled me.

" See, Roger came to me about a week after we stop seeing one another. He was a very shattered man. He changed into a sloppy and defeated person. He told me his girlfriend dumped him after both of them got into U. Her rich girlfriend went to NTI and got herself another boyfriend. Roger didn't have to serve NS as he is an Indonesian."

"So you are together with him because he is a rich Indonesian guy?"

"No! He pleaded with me to go back to him but I refused initially. He was so adamant that he followed me with his car all the way home. Dad persuaded me to tell him off when he stood outside our door. I knew I cannot talk or see him in the eyes because I know still love him. I know what first words to him will be. He just didn't leave until way past dinner at ten pm plus. Mom gave him some food but he refused to eat. He just sat outside our door saying he wanted to see me and talk to me."

"So what? I can do just that!" I retorted.

"Just listen Min. Our neighbor kept looking at him and us. Upon Dad's urging, I finally brought him some cold food and he ate so heartily. His eyes lit up and his face so radiant. I was so touched. I mean, he did that all for me. I can see straight away that his love for me has not died yet. He still loves me after all. I just felt that I can forgive everything that he did to me. After all, those were history already. No point finger pointing and accusing one another anymore." Lisa eyes were quite excited now.

She was oblivion to my sorrow and anger.

"I invited him in that night. Dad and mom were touched too. Little sis even said he is in love with me. I was so happy then. I never felt so supported by my family before. Dad invited him to stay overnight which he did. I don't know why but Dad suddenly became so approving of Roger. Perhaps Dad remembered that Roger was my first love and Dad didn't know about you. Anyway, I thought I might just let everything go step by step."

"You mean you forgot about me and all those you said just three weeks ago?" I asked accusingly.

"Remember what you said to me?"

"No I did not forget. But you must see Min. Do you know that in that two weeks I experienced love that I never felt before? Do you know that I felt like we are both falling in love again just like two years ago? I can never forget that feeling. It cannot be relived. Roger changed completely. He became neat and tidy again. He started exercising again. But most of all he became a very happy man again. He changed because me of. Do you see?"

I knew I lost her forever. Nothing I can say or do canbring her back. I just lost my love. In a short three months plus, I had loved and lost love.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 2

When it finally did about ten minutes later she said, "My first boyfriend went after me when we were in college and after he got me, he broke off with his girlfriend. I felt bad about it all. He was very good looking, intelligent and popular. He was the vice-captain of the school rugger team."

"That was 2 years ago, first year in JC. We loved one another very much until one day he changed. He found another girlfriend; a rich man's daughter. He just left me without any word. I called him many times and pleaded with him to come back but to no avail. The worse thing is that I had already given him my virginity. I resigned to my fate and very sad after that. I could not come to terms with reality then. We were so in love and suddenly he changed so fast."

"I was miserable for a long time. I cried myself to sleep many nights and whenever I dreamt of him, I would pick up the phone and call him, only to put down the receiver when I realized that it's only a dream. I could not eat proper meals and my studies suffered. I was even more jealous whenever I saw him with his new girl. They walked past me without even saying 'Hi'. I was very troubled and sad. I almost failed my promos because of that. "I winced at these words.

They hit me like a stone out of the blue. I didn't imagine all this could have happened. She went on.

"The second one came around February; just before Chinese New Year He is different. He was not handsome nor the active type. He is a mugger but he has a heart of gold. He didn't know much about my previous relationship with my first boyfriend. He only knew that we broke off. I didn't want to tell him much about my previous relationship. I didn't like him at first."

"He sent me back from school almost everyday. He brought me my first flowers we ignored all the gossips that was going on about us. We were very happy together. We would spend the day doing tutorial or go to the nearby park. He would then send me home just in time for dinner. Life was simple and sweet. I loved him very much."

"One day he came to me at the beginning of first lesson and asked me this question: Did you give your virginity to him? I was shocked beyond words. I wondered how he knew. He told me later that the rumor said it. I didn't want to keep him in the dark anymore. I told him the truth after lessons. He only said these three words: You cheated me. I can sense the burning anger and sadness inside him. He never speaks to me after that. My world just collapse into pieces. I don't blame him at all. I didn't know what to do. After so long of learning to love him I just lost him like that. I blame myself for being so stupid and for covering up the truth. I had thought that everything would be fine and happy. But who knows? Had I told him earlier things might be different. I almost thought of committing suicide until a friend stopped me and talked to me for almost 3 hours on top of the school building." I pitied her.

Tears formed in my eyes. I did not know what to do. I just hope that all these were not real. I just hope that this would not happen to the girl I love... She continued, with eyes staring straight into the sea while she narrated.

"Prelims came and I fared badly. I worked very hard for the next one and a half months luckily I did ok for A levels."

"While waiting for results, I worked in an accounting firm. The office boy there took fancy on me. He was awaiting his time to be enlisted. He was 1 year my junior. He was only a O level holder but he was quite handsome with his boyish look. I like him but I know that there is no future with us. I did not let him know I was working temporary there. I also did not let him know I am waiting for A level result because I am afraid to make him feel inferior nor that I am showing off."

"He bought lunch for me although I refused. He would say that he had already bought it and asked me not to waste his hard earned money. He sent me flowers every week to my house and occasionally small presents he made himself. Dad was furious when he knew but he couldn't do anything. The boy was persistent. I began to like him slowly. I only went out with him a month just before his March enlistment."

"He would take me to those bowling alleys and ice skating ring. He used his hard earned money to make me happy. I appreciated that and asked him not to do it but he said it's his money and it's up to him how he spends it. He was a bit stubborn."

"Enlistment day came and I was the only one to send him to in. Before he left he said: Wait for me. When I come out I will marry you."

"My heart was overjoyed. For the first time in my life a guy had proposed to me. I felt so assured of the future and for the first time felt confident about relationship. After his 3 weeks confinement we went out every weekend. I would tease him about his botak head and he would tease me saying I look prettier and prettier. We would go to his house and spend hours relating about my work and his army stories."

"When I received the letter from NUS that I was given a place in Comp Science, I was overjoyed. I told him the Tuesday night he called me. His tone changed immediately. I can sense something was wrong. He was very quiet after that and we didn't speak much. Before we hanged up he said: "Wait for me". I was puzzled but I didn't have the chance to ask him."

"That night, about three AM someone came and knocked on our door. Dad opened it. I can hear some argument and my name were mentioned. I got up and was shocked to see him at the door. I asked him why he had come. He just said that his PC gave permission for everyone to have a night off. I pleaded with dad to let us go down to the playground to talk. Dad took pity on us and relented."

"He held my hand firmly all the way. He kept saying that he love me. I already knew that though. I assured him I love him too but he seems not convinced. I decided to make love to him that night in the large and dark playground at three plus am. I did all I can to assure him of my love for him. The whole neighborhood was deserted. About half an hour after we made love, the chilling breeze blew and he held me in his arms.. I felt safe and sleepy."

"I slept in his arms in the playground. Suddenly I was awaken by shouting. I saw a few soldiers running towards him. He looked worried and said: "Sorry Lisa, I have to go. I know we cannot be together after you go to university but I know I did is worth it. Tonight is worth it all the trouble. I will not forget tonight."

"I wasn't before long I knew he had AWOLed to see me. He had beaten up the guards at his camp and stole a military vehicle out. I did not know how he does it. I only know why. One of the guard was seriously injured when he refused to let my boyfriend come out. Because of the multiple charges, he was sentenced to three years confinement in detention barracks. I was so moved by his stupidity and sincerity. "

"I decided to give up my university education for him. I visited him to tell him my decision. He was happy but he said that education to me is more important than him. He wanted to me to continue study but I told him I wanted to earn money and wait for him to get out and we will then get married. His last word to me was: "Always remember me"."

"He died the next day. He had committed suicide in the detention barracks. I cried for many days. His parents blamed me for their son's death. I felt remorse but I did not know how to pay them back their only son. I visited them every week as they are well into their pension age. I cleaned their house and kept them company. I wore black and white since then. It was also then that I learnt they had a stepdaughter studying in science too."

"Min, it's not that I do not like you. I love you very much. I just feel so insecure and I have no confidence in relationship anymore. Three failed relationships in a mere two years just make me afraid to go into the fourth one. Can't you see I have no more confidence? I was cheated by the first one."

"The second one was cheated by me. And the third one died for me. Tell me, what will you do if the fourth one comes? I had told myself never to enter into another relationship until I graduate. My friends advised me that too. But you came along. I was so reluctant but I am a human being as well. I feel love, I need to beloved, I need to love too. Can you see? I pity easily, and I love easily too."

By now her words are broken with sobbing.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 1

Second year will soon come to a close. Soon we would all be going to third year. Might be promoting should be more appropriate. My almost two years in DISCS really have memories that I will always keep in my mind. So many things had happened; so many lessons were learnt; so many things had changed. I had changed. She changed too. So had the peoples who are after her. The life in Comp Science was really tough. There are only a few more months to plough through before the final year. As I look back at my almost two short years here, I felt a sense of remorse and regret. I did not make full use of my time here. I had done many wrong things and did not do other things that I should have. And I am not going to let the third year just slip past like that. Perhaps if I can change history I would. I really hope I could.

First day in campus was chaotic. I found an army friend who took Comp Science too. We 'buddied' up and took the new challenge of navigating out life in NUS together. He was a very playful person and is always full of life and vigor. He pulled me to attend the NUSSU Hop and Jam. We really let our hair loose and danced crazily. I enjoyed myself at the hop. That was where I met her. She had gone to the hop with a group of friends too. I saw her during the jam and eyed her when the hop started. She is different from the girl I had before from my last failed relationship. She is jovial, sexy, playful and looked good too.

“Hey, that chick you are eyeing is not bad. Go for it man!”, Ken supported.

I danced and moved myself towards her group of friends with Ken tailing behind. I moved towards her slowly as by chance.

"Hi, can I dance with you?", I asked.

She just smiled and her friends looked on. I felt so embarrassed that I hope the ground would just open up and swallow me. Of course, the more experienced Ken came to my rescue.

“Hi everybody! Ken is my name and dancing is my game. My buddy is Min. Can we join in?”

The other girls just giggled. She looked at me and I took the cue. We joined them and danced in a circle. My eyes were fixed on her most of the time. She looked better in the flashing lights. Her hair is silky soft, her skin fair and unblemished. Her smile is gorgeous. Her eyes are hypnotizing. Her figure is sexy as can be seen by her skin cladding black one-piece. Who would not like her?

Amidst the loud blaring of the speakers, I managed to find out a few things about her. She is from Comp Science too and like me, a freshie. She stayed in Bukit Merah, quite close to NUS. She was from a good college and had chosen to study Law but could not make it and was posted to her second choice instead. We danced until almost eleven when the girls decided to go back. I seized the chance to send her back. She was reluctant at first but I insisted.

The other girls looked on with suspicious eyes but who cares! Ken was careful to make sure I go back with her alone by treating the other girls to a drink at Clementi. I still have not paid Ken the $7+ that he spent that night with the 3 girls. The journey to her place was awkward but memorable. My heart was beating very fast and I hope she could not hear my nervousness. My speech was slurred and not coherent. She giggled at my nervousness and stupidity. I guess that was why she like about meat first. I asked her many questions on the way. She was careful not to reveal too many details and worse, she just would not give me her telephone number.

I sent her back to her door.

She turned around and said, "You are the first guy who send me back on the first date. The others were so..... so ungentlemanly." My heart soared.

She smiled sweetly and opened her door. Needless to say, her family was all asleep. Before closed the wooden door.

She whispered, "You are very cute. See you tomorrow!" Having said that, she smiled her thousand dollar smile and closed the door gently.

It took me quite sometime to register what she said. I felt giddy and very very happy. I do not even mind the $8+ that I spent on taxi fare back to Hougang.

One day we went to Marina Bay on a Saturday afternoon after the lectures. We stayed there until late into the evening seven plus. The gentle breeze blew against our face, stinging our eyes with the sea salt it brought along. She sat beside me and laid her head on my chest. I held her soft body and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I toyed with her hair and combed them off her forehead and tried many different hair styles with her beautiful face.

"That felt very nice." She whispered softly and looked into my eyes.

I stared into her big beautiful eyes. My heart began to pound quickly and loudly. She smiled and closed her eyes, her lips parting slightly. I moved my lips to meet hers and savored the succulent and reddish pink lips. Her welcoming tongue was the more curious tongue. Both of us can tell that the other one was experienced in this act of love. Perhaps she is more experienced. After a minute or so, both of us were breathless. We stopped our first kiss. She closed her eyes for a while as if saying a prayer. She opened them and looked at me straight into my eyes.

I held her closer and asked,"What are you thinking of?"

"Nothing. Just hold me now". She closed her eyes again and cuddled into my arms.

I felt happy but strange.

I asked her, "Do you love me?" She was startled.

She stared at my eyes as and searched for words to say. After a while she got up from her reclining position and sat upright, pushing her hair back and looked out into the sea..

"You are the not first one I ever love. But I love you very much. Please know and remember that." Tears streamed down her cheeks like strings of pearls against the park lamps.

"Lisa, why do you cry? Have I said something wrong today?"

"No. It's just that I am overwhelmed by feelings. I hate to lie to you but I feel that I couldn't hide it from you either"

"Hide what? Is there something you want to tell me? Is it about your secretiveness? " I asked expectantly.

I know this day would happen. She would tell me her story and her secretiveness. "I actually had three relationships before." She said weakly. I had expected her to have a relationship before but not three!

"Are you shock? Hello?"

"No... I... I just... I am just surprised" She closed her eyes and more silent tears flowed.

I knew she was crying silently inside. I held her close and felt the warmth that spreads through her body to mine. I was at lost what to say. I just held her and waited for her sobbing to stop.