The next day I decided to apologies to Sally. I sent her a mail saying I was sorry. I was quite confused as whether to carry on the relationship. I also began to wonder whether I was 'living off' my girlfriend and whether I really love her or her money. Quite absentmindedly I talk to Lisa although I did not know if she was logged on. To my surprise she replied quite quickly.
"I am fine. How are you?" she asked.
"Sad. Very sad."
"How come? I thought you are happy with your new girlfriend?"
"That's the problem. It’s the relationship that's the problem"
"Tell you what....wait for me at the usual central place half an hour later. I will join you" I sent the second mail to Sally and asked her to go back herself.
I took the internal shuttle to Central to see Lisa. This time it's a different kind of feeling. A feeling that was quite opposite of the last time I went to Central to see her.
"So what's your problem?" she asked.
"People think I am 'living off' my new girl."
"How did you know that?"
"I overheard yesterday. What they said was quite true too."
"What do you mean living off?"
"I mean she paid for all our expenses. I volunteered but she wanted to. She is quite rich actually. I did not think of that until those remarks I heard yesterday woke me up."
"Well, if both of you are sincere then it's ok. Don't give up so easily."
"The problem is that I myself don't know if I really like her or the money she spent on us. Tell me, what would you do?"
"Actually I am not much better. Roger's friends seem to think that I am with him for his money. I felt hurt too but I didn't care. I love him and he loves me. That's all I care."
"That's because both of you are quite sure of yourselves. For me, I am not quite sure. Since you left me, I have not been able to love another person as fully as I should. I have really lost my ability to love again. I really feel bad."
I did not mean to say those words but they just blurted out. Lisa was visibly shocked. She looked at me with teary eyes and then looked down onto the table again.
I clasped her hands in mine and said sorry softly, "You don't have to be sorry. I am the one who should say sorry. I was the one who gave you so much trouble."
She only realized this too late. She took my hands and kissed them. She was still so sweet, so gentle. Her eyes spoke volumes of sorrows and regret. I really wanted to tell her to come back to me. I still love her more than Sally. Just then, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked at and saw Sally heading towards our position. Lisa pushed my hands from her lips and withdrew them but Sally saw it all. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stood there staring in disbelief.
"I tried to look for you when I received your first mail. I wanted to say that I accept your apology personally but when located your where you are, I saw you leaving the IBM room in a hurry. I followed. I suspected you are going to see Lisa. I was right." I was quite shock by her revelation.
"I hid behind the book shelf and watch two of you. I really don't mind if two of you just talk. But she kissed your hands..." she sobbed.
At this time we were attracting quite an attention. I felt uneasy. Lisa was embarrassed and regretted her action. Both of us sat there feeling remorseful and guilty. Both of us did not say any word. "Min, do you love her or do you love me?" Sally asked painfully.
"I..." I did not know how to reply. On one hand I am afraid to disappoint Sally. On the other hand I wanted to use the situation to tell Lisa that I still love her sincerely.
Sally stood there expecting a reply. I just stared at the table. Lisa was looking at me, half afraid of the reply. I knew she would want me to go back to Sally but I wanted to tell her I love her. Sally closed her eyes and said, "I know your reply. I know. I can only say that I was wrong about your feelings. I was wrong in my judgment. I was just too hopeful."
She tried to stop her sobbing but failed. "Min, I love you but you love her right?" she asked. She tried to fake a smile but it was futile. "Why am I still standing here? I ... I got to go." she said tearfully and ran upstairs. Lisa was quite shocked. She stared at the shadows of Sally and looked at me again.
"Min, I really don't know what to say to you. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have."
She need not say sorry. Her kiss was worth it in my eyes. I realized now that I love her much more than Sally. But then, will it help? It was too late anyway. Just then Roger came along. He was more controlled than before. He saw us and walked over. He still looks as good as before.
"Am I disturbing both of you? Hey, how come there are people looking at both of you?"
"No. Min had some problems that we were trying to solve."
"Oh! I just wanted to remind Lisa that the show will start soon and we must hurry."
"Min, I think need to go now. I am sorry. Talk to me again if you have any problem that I can help. See you."
Roger wanted to hold her hand but she withdrew her's. I stared at their images as they walked up the staircase.I did not know how long I stared at the staircase. I only found myself weeping silently sometime later. It was quite unbelievable.
At one moment I was with two girls that I like very much. The next and both of them left me. It was a strange feeling. Strange thoughts began to cross my mind. Perhaps I was meant to be single. Perhaps I was meant to have only temporary girlfriends only.
Perhaps all girls are not meant to stay long with me. “Perhaps”.
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