I just couldn't believe people can change so fast. I did not blame her either. I couldn't forget my first love either. And I dare say I still have special feelings for her though I know I would never want her back. I closed my world to everything other than eat, sleep, and study; the three Ss of NUS life. Ken was busy himself when his Arts girlfriend demanded he spend more time with her than me. Ken relented and he spent most of him time after lessons with her.
I did not tell anybody other than Ken what had happened. Ken wanted to help but he was busy himself. I led a semi-recluse life. I skipped some lectures and tutorial. Lisa herself was busy as she will disappear right after the last lesson to heaven knows where with Roger. Ken would do the same with his Arts girl. I was left all alone to lead my life. Some of my classmates teased me saying I had become a lone ranger but I didn't care. How would they know the plight I am in? Would they understand? So what if they could? Can they help?
Even my family noticed my weird behavior. Mom asked me if things are alright in school. How can I tell her the truth? It will only break her heart. Life became intolerable. I became a zombie-like creature. People would ask me why I didn't understand or remember what they said. Lectures also became so boring. Tutorial seems to come two at a time. Things just didn't go right.
The one-month break came. It was such a timely break for me to catch up my undone tutorial. Like what Aaron said, the undergrad's life revolves around the 4 Ls : Lecture, Loo, Lunch and Love. For me, it's
minus the last L and plus another one, Loneliness. Our project group for Pascal assignment wanted to meet almost every week to do it. I was naturally given the simplest part when Ken told the rest that I had some family problem. He is still a good friend after all. Afraid that I would hold up the group, Ken did quite some of my parts as I just couldn't solve the algo bugs.
"Now, let's see if you can solve the last bit yourself. It shouldn't be too difficult if you had read on those functions Min" Ken challenged me.
"Ok, I'll give it a shot" I replied
"That's my man. Seize the day and make more out of it!" Ken encouraged.
I stayed later than the rest to debug my part. The rest of my teammates had gone back an hour ago. I really wanted to do this final part myself. Ken had helped me a lot but then I need to learn this myself or else I would not know how to do it later in the exams. I stayed at the terminal until eight plus. I tried quite hard until at around eight thirty when I finally solved the last problem and my part ran through smoothly. I was so happy that I shouted hooray as if I had just reached a huge mountaintop.
But really, it was on top of the world feeling. Suddenly a message flashed across the screen.
"Hi, still working at this hour?"
"Yes. Doing Pascal assignment" I replied using the talk facility to reply Karen.
"Oh! I just want to say you let out a great smile just now" I stood up immediately and looked around the big vax room. Karen is not in sight.
"Hey where are you? How come you can see me and I cannot see you?"
"I can see you but you cannot see me :)"I spied at the other ten plus users in big vax room but none of them resemble Karen in any way.
“You seem very gloomy these days. Your smile just now was simply fantastic"
"Karen, where are you"
"Please don't ask me where I am. I won't tell you" I was puzzled by the message.
Karen normally does not talk on vax. She was those mugger type who do not stay until so late too.
"You don't sound like Karen. Who are you?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Karen does not stay so late and she does not use talk anyway"
"You are right. I am not Karen. I am a friend of her"
"Why are you using her acct?"
"Because I want to talk to you and..."
"And what?"
"And I do not want you to know who am I"
"huh? Why?" "Because..."
"Because?" "Because I like you." That message came like a bolt out of the blue. I took quite some time to register what happened.
"Excuse me, if you are playing a prank, I advise you to stop. This is not funny"
"I am serious. I had observed you for a long time. I even know that you and Lisa are no longer together" I was shocked. No one except Ken and Lisa's friends knew about our relationship let alone that we broke off. I also knew that this mysterious girl was quite serious.
"Why do you use her acct? You can use yours to talk to me"
"No. I rather not reveal myself. I am quite contented. Do you know that when you are gloomy you are not the only one?"
"How come?"
"The one who like you feel the same as you do. Do you know?" I was pleasantly surprised. I had never imagined myself to be observed let alone like by a girl. I am neither handsome, rich nor good in studies. Perhaps this girl sees something in me?
"Hey, why don't you tell me who are you?"
"No. I can't. And please don't ask Karen too. And please please don't use qt80" "
what qt80?"
"Oh never mind. as I expected" At that time I did not know what was qt80 as I seldom use vax other than read those mails of tutorial assignments, talk to Lisa some time ago and do this Pascal assignment..
The next day when I saw Karen came back to do her Pascal assignment I observed her and even talked to her. She was either a superb actress or she really did not know what happened. I did not tell anyone this mysterious person. The second time the mysterious person talked to me was late at night while I was using modem to do the documentation for my part.
"Hi...Pascal again?"
"Yes." "I am NOT Karen"
"Yes I know. Karen does not own a modem. I found out that she does not own a pc"
"Quite clever of you. Hey, can I ask you some questions?"
"Sure. Go ahead"
"why do you and Lisa break up?"
"Sorry, I think it's too personal. I am very sorry"
"it's ok. I am just curious. Hey, tell me, when is your birthday?"
"It's over two months ago. What about yours?"
"Mine is at the middle of the year. May 19"
"Oh mine is 2/9. What name shall I call you?" There was a pause before she continued.
"Just call me Sally"
"Is that you real name?"
"No. It's just a name that I like. Btw, how many people are there in your family?"
"You doing a family survey? Joking"
"No. Just like to know. You mind?"
"Surely not. I have a younger sister and my parents of course. What about you?"
"Oh I have an elder brother and a younger sister."
"I see." Our conversations lasted until quite late in the morning.
I found out a lot more about Sally now. I tried to bait her to tell me more about her name and class but she was quite careful. I gave up quickly and concentrated on trying to find out more about her. She was from an ordinary JC and had formally taken Comp Science there. No wonder she is quite good with computers. Her father is technician and her mother is a housewife. Sally was a free thinker but she still prays to those Chinese deities. Her hobbies included playing piano and making cross-stitch.
I also found out that she is a kind and sensitive person from the wide range of topics we talked about. One day I was using vax when Sally talked to me again. She asked me if I would be interested to go for a Raffles Affiliates outing.
"So when is the night tour?" I asked.
"On 29 Nov, after school re-opens. The night tour is over Sat night till Sunday."
"Are you going yourself?" "I might...if you go. Then you will know who I am"
"sure, I'll be interested to go and find out who you are"
"Then welcome! See u there!" I was quite curious who this Sally was.
I signed alone because I am afraid Ken's presence might make Sally feel awkward. Time passed quickly and Nov 29 came. We were to wait at YIH for the coach to pick us up. I waited apprehensively at the assigned location. I had never been to a night tour and I was pretty excited. I was even more excited as I was about to meet the mysterious Sally. I sat alone from the rest of the people attending the tour. It seems I was the only Comp Science student there.
Suddenly a girl's voice called out.
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