Stories That Touch My Heart

Love from a mother

2009-12-08T08:39:00.000+08:00

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to
Say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only
Has one eye!'

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear.
I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only goanna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?'

My mom did not respond...I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.

So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her Grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my Children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'

And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have Gotten the wrong address,' And she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

'My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,
Your mother.

Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own.

Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings Peace...

'I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?'
God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!''

Opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself

2009-12-08T08:29:00.000+08:00

At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: 'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe, that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!' Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

The Smell of Rain

2009-05-06T09:12:00.018+08:00

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.

Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.
That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Cesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.

At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.
Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs.

'I don't think she's going to make it' he said, as kindly as he could.

'There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one'

Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.

She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.

'No! No!' was all Diana could say.

She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.

Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away

But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the
All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl.

There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.

But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.

At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.

And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.

Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.

She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.

One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving , Texas , Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing.

As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent . Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, 'Yes, it smells like rain.'

Dana closed her eyes and again asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Once again, her mother replied, 'Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain.'

Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced,

'No, it smells like Him.It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.'

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children.

Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.

During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

曾經感動了千萬人的漫畫

2009-04-15T14:26:00.006+08:00

等愛 - Part 5(End)

2009-04-03T15:02:00.002+08:00

「阿爸，孩子有什麼錯要你這麼用力的打她？」玉萍問著父親。
「她上次偷妳妹妹的錢，這次偷妳媽的金子。」父親憤怒的訴說打佩姍的原因。

玉萍蹲下身，將佩姍抱到懷裡，溫柔的問著她：「佩姍，妳有沒有偷阿嬤的金子？」
佩姍從來沒看到母親這麼對待自己，她立即放下手中的娃娃，緊緊地用雙手環抱在母親。

「媽媽，什麼是金子？我不知道，我沒拿。」根本沒看過黃金的佩姍委屈的說著。
「嗯，媽媽相信妳，不要怕。」玉萍望著佩姍純淨的眼睛，她決定相信自己的女兒。
「阿爸，孩子要偷也偷錢，偷金子幹什麼？」她看著發怒的父親，訴說常理。
「自從她來之後，家裡就少東少西的，不是她會是誰？」父親沒有證據，無理的一口咬定是佩姍所為。

玉萍看著無理的父親，不想跟他辯解，抱著佩姍到房裡，將她的衣服脫了下來，只剩一條小內褲，玉萍不敢相信佩姍的身體，傷痕遍遍，有新有舊，有的已經結疤，有的還在淌血，而佩姍的哭聲在耳邊迴盪，她的心就疼了起來。看到佩姍身上的傷痕，她開始責備自己，佩姍年紀還小，不能選擇自己想過的生活，她怎麼把自己的女兒放在這樣的環境裡？想到這裡，心裡就難過的揪了起來。玉萍的父親不打算放過可憐的佩姍，他找來玉萍的母親，愛看戲的阿邦也跟了過來，二老憤怒的敲打著門。

「阿萍，那些金子是妳媽辛苦存錢去打的，妳快叫她拿出來。」
「阿爸，我相信佩姍沒拿，您們再找找，看看是不是放在別的地方。」

玉萍極力袒護佩姍。你言一語的爭吵中，跟過來看戲的阿邦，看到佩姍的身體的傷痕，他嚇了一跳，心裡有愧疚的感覺，他的心自責著，從口袋裡拿出紅色繡花小布袋，拿到大家的面前，且說：「是我拿的。」大家不敢置信的看著阿邦，最為難過的是一直疼他、愛他的奶奶。

「阿邦，你為什麼這麼做？」阿嬤不相信一直都很乖的內孫做小偷。
「因為，佩姍的媽媽都會回來看她，我媽媽死了，我爸爸也都不理我，不回來看我。」
簡單的言語說明「等愛」以及忌妒佩姍的心情。阿邦的母親在二年前一次交通意外喪生，丟下只有五歲的阿邦，從那個時候開始他的父親就藉由工作來麻痺自己，根本沒回來看過他。

「上次，姑姑的錢包也是我拿的，佩姍咬我也是因為我要搶她的娃娃。」
他低下頭慚愧的說，「還有一些小事，都是我故意害她的。」這時的阿邦良心發現，替佩姍澄清一切。
「阿邦，奶奶不是一直都很疼你嗎？難道不夠嗎？」阿嬤不了解，她不都是一直很愛阿邦嗎？難道不夠？
「嗚！我想媽媽，我只要媽媽。」阿邦哭著說，言語之間透露著奶奶的愛比不上天生的情感。

善良的佩姍能懂表哥心裡的思念，多濃、多苦，因為她也在等待母親的愛。她拿起了放在床上的娃娃走到他的面前，將娃娃交到他的手上，說：「給你！」阿邦哭泣著，不敢相信佩姍竟然會把對她那麼重要的東西給他，倔強的不肯說一聲謝謝，害羞的拿著娃娃跑開了。

站在原地的二老，既慚愧又尷尬，玉萍看二人不說話，也不想再追究，畢竟自己的錯比較多，因為自己的女兒長的像打她的前夫，就對她感到厭惡，從來不聽佩姍的聲音，常常自哀自憐，回到家就只懂得抱怨，說丈夫的不是，說女兒的不是。比起自己女兒的堅強，她更覺得自己的無能和軟弱，即使離開了丈夫，還是離不開過去。
她看了一下從不對她訴苦，又默默的愛自己的女兒，心裡有無限的心疼。

「阿爸，過去的事就別再提了，我要帶佩姍去台北，不會再離開她。」她決定要佩姍跟自己生活。
「阿萍，我跟妳媽覺得很不好意思。」父親低下了頭。
「阿爸，別說了。」玉萍再次阻止父親往下說，轉頭對佩姍說：「媽媽，帶妳去洗澡。」

清洗過後，玉萍幫佩姍塗上藥膏，精心打扮一番的佩姍像個小公主，跟之前那個寒酸樣有著天壤之別。
「媽,我真的可以跟您住在一起嗎？」她不安的問著母親，深怕一轉頭母親又不見了。
「小傻瓜，媽媽什麼時候騙過你啊？」玉萍疼惜的摸著佩姍的臉。
「媽媽，我好愛您，我不要離開您。」佩姍邊說邊親了玉萍一下，二人相視而笑了。

玉萍牽著佩姍走到客廳，看到二老在泡茶，於是走向前對他們道別。
「阿爸、阿母，您們不要打阿邦，好好的教他，他會聽的。」玉萍不放心阿邦。
「我跟妳媽就是在討論這件事。」「他的本性不壞只是比較倔，要有點耐心。」玉萍說著。
「妳放心，我們知道該怎麼做，只是……」二老欲言又止，玉萍知道他們要說什麼，其實玉萍並沒怪他們。
「阿爸，別再說了，我跟佩姍不會放在心上，我們要走了。」說完就牽著佩姍往門口走去，佩姍轉頭看了一下表哥深鎖的房門，她希望有一天他能打開他心裡的那道門，接納別人。

二老送母女二人到門外，夕陽的餘輝，映在二人臉上，玉萍昔日的溫柔又回來了，佩姍落寞的神情不見了。二人揮著手向二老道別，佩姍的臉上有著抹不去的幸福洋溢著。

很長的一篇故事對吧…不要讓仇恨的雙眼…矇蔽了我們自已的眼睛…
因為….每個小天使都是我們的寶物…請好好的珍惜愛護他們…讓我們一起共勉…

等愛 - Part 4

2009-01-19T10:53:00.001+08:00

在吃晚飯的時候，阿邦將今天佩姍偷錢的事告訴了自己的爺爺、奶奶。家裡出個小偷是多麼丟臉的事，但由於女兒已經處罰過，於是二老決定讓佩姍跪在院子裡，反省自己犯下的錯，晚飯也不給她吃。跪在院子裡的佩姍，沒吃飯的肚子餓得咕咕叫，她摸著肚皮，看著屋裡的人，她深深的感覺到，自己是一個「外人」，她無奈的看著滿天的星斗，她的手無意識的摸著胸前的娃娃，心裡想著心愛的母親。

幼小的身軀在淒涼的黑夜裡，顯得形影孤單。日子已經過了三個月，佩姍的母親還是沒來接她。佩姍的外公、外婆只疼他們的內孫，對於佩姍說的話都當成是理由、藉口，這樣的相處方式，漸漸地讓她的心麻木，失去掙扎的力氣，也漸漸地越來越不愛說話，她將聲音放在心底，只說給象徵母親的娃娃聽。

風和日麗的下午時分，佩姍還是坐在院子裡的板凳上，像是在等待著什麼，一手摸著娃娃的頭發著呆，二眼無神，直到她看到一個熟悉的身影，從遠處慢慢的走過來，恍惚的腦子頓然清醒，為了確定是不是母親，她更仔細的看著越來越近的人影，果然是她朝思慕想的母親。
好久不曾開口笑的臉龐，竟然洋溢了幸福的笑臉，跳下了板凳，大聲叫著：「媽媽！」「媽媽，我好想你唷。」看到自己的母親終於回來，佩姍高興的一吐思念之情。

「嗯！」玉萍的回應很冷淡，她刻意的跟佩姍保持一點距離。母親的態度，令年紀還小的佩姍感到奇怪，但她沒有問，她靜靜的跟在母親的身邊走著，只要看到母親，她的心裡就很滿足了，笑容也就不消失。「阿萍，怎麼回來了？」阿嬤訝異的問著她。「最近工作太累，身體吃不消，回來靜養半個月。」她一邊進門，一邊說著。「自己的身體自己要會照顧，不要太累。」叮嚀過玉萍，阿嬤就到隔壁去了。「媽媽，我幫妳拿。」看著外婆走後，佩姍巴結的拿起地上的小型行李，面對佩姍的貼心，玉萍雖冷淡但並沒有阻止。

夜漸漸的深了，坐在客廳的玉萍和父母一邊泡茶一邊閒話家常，玉萍怕佩姍給父母添麻煩，於是急著問她在這裡的情形。「沒想到她跟她爸爸一個樣，會偷錢、又會打人、還愛說謊。」二老爭著說佩姍的不是，將她在這裡三個月所發生的情形一五一十的都說給玉萍聽。玉萍靜靜的聽，腦子裡又想起了前夫無情的凌虐，一方面又覺得佩姍讓自己蒙羞，她的心裡已經將佩姍和她的前夫畫上等號，讓她覺得身為她的母親而丟臉。

夜裡玉萍不適的身體在咳嗽，睡夢之中她感覺到有人在輕輕拍著自己的背，讓她漸漸感到舒服，再度昏昏沉沉的進入夢鄉。這些日子佩姍總是找機會接近母親，看到母親拿? X藥包準備吃藥的時候，就會主動倒杯水給母親。母親睡午覺時，她也會小心翼翼的將被子蓋在母親的身上。雖然玉萍對佩姍的態度很冷淡也很不友善，但佩姍總是盡最大的力量來讓母親感到舒服。

玉萍的心也是人肉做的，佩姍的付出，她都看在眼裡，放在心裡，好幾次她都忍不住想抱抱佩姍，但內心的深處，總有二種情緒在翻騰，一方面被她的體貼感動，一方面還是沒有辦法接受，會打人、愛說謊、會偷東西，讓她蒙羞的小孩。所以玉萍壓抑自己的情感，用著冷漠的態度，一而再，再而三地對應著百般討好的女兒。

這天夜裡，睡不著的玉萍一個人在客聽裡，看著無聲的電視，過了一會，她倒一杯水吃下一顆安眠藥，關了電視，關了燈，小聲的走到房門口，正要轉開房門，聽到佩姍在裡面說話的聲音，她好奇的將耳朵貼在房門上。「媽媽，妳回來都不跟我說話，佩佩是不是做錯了什麼事？」「妳不在的日子，我好想你唷！」「媽媽，我好愛、好愛妳。」

原來佩姍再對著娃娃說著思母之情，站在門外的玉萍不敢相信自己的耳朵，自己如此冷淡的對待，佩姍應該是恨自己的，怎麼還會愛自己呢？！她故意將門轉的很大聲，佩姍一聽到便急忙的裝睡，玉萍爬上了床睡在她身邊，半夢半醒之間，玉萍感覺到有人爬在她的身上，最後在她的臉上輕輕親一下。半個月的時間，很快地過去。

佩姍站在房門口，看著母親收拾衣物，她的心裡明白，母親又要離開自己了。她想開口請母親帶她一起離開或是跟她一起留下來，但是話就是卡在喉嚨裡，說不出來，她不想看到母親為難的臉色。體貼的佩姍走到床沿邊坐了下來，拿起母親的衣物，用著不熟練的手法在摺著衣服，母女二人，沉默的摺著衣服。「媽媽，您什麼時候會再來看我？」佩姍打破沈默，希望母親能給自己承諾，讓自己能有期待的希望。

「妳乖乖的住在阿嬤家。」玉萍不看佩姍，低著頭回答著。得不到母親的承諾，佩姍像洩了氣的汽球，眼角裡閃爍著失望的淚光，二人再度陷入沈默。玉萍將收拾好的行李提起，走出了房門，佩姍靜靜的跟在她的後面，絕大部分在母親的身邊都是靜靜的，這次她也只能靜靜跟在她的身後，直到母親不要自己。一直跟到庭院佩姍才停止腳步，目送母親的離開。

「媽媽，再見！」哽咽的喊叫聲，一隻手在空中揮舞著，玉萍並沒有回過頭來看她，她怕看到佩姍眼中的失望和落寞。一路上，玉萍腦海回憶這段時間佩姍的一切言行，就這樣失神的走到車站。當她要買票的時候，才發覺自己的錢包還放在床上，她急忙的返回。到家門外，玉萍就聽到孩童淒慘、又哭又叫的聲音，她站在門口往內看。

「小偷，快拿出來。」玉萍的父親拿著細竹子，正用一隻手抓住佩姍，無情的鞭打著，佩姍因為痛，手又被抓住，於是只能繞著外公的身邊，來躲避無情的鞭打。「阿公，我沒有拿，嗚！嗚！」佩姍哭到聲音有點沙啞。「別裝了，快拿來。」已經習慣將佩姍說的話當是說謊、狡辯的一家人根本不理會她說什麼。站在一邊的玉萍，酷似前夫的臉龐在哭泣，她竟然有一種出氣快感，絲毫沒有意識到是自己的女兒被打。「不要、不要再打我，我沒有拿。」佩姍極力的掙扎著抓住她的那一隻手。

看到佩姍掙扎的模樣，玉萍又想起自己當初被打，無法掙脫的可悲，二種情緒在內心裡反覆，讓她忘了阻止父親野蠻的行為。終於，佩姍掙脫了外公的手，快速得跑到客廳的一個角落，捲曲的身體因害怕而在發抖，她拿起掛在胸口的娃娃。「媽媽，我不要在這裡，我要跟您在一起，嗚！嗚！」佩姍無助的叫喊著，淒涼的聲音讓在沈思的玉萍頓然清醒，她放下手上的行李，跑到佩姍的身邊，阻止父親即將打下的竹子。

等愛 - Part 3

2009-01-14T09:15:00.000+08:00

第一天過的很悽慘而痛苦的佩姍，夜裡躺在床上，她手裡抱著娃娃，心裡有一種寂寞的感覺，小小的心靈不明白，同樣是孫子，外婆對她和對表哥，竟然有著天壤之別的待遇，她小聲的哭? F起來，想起自己的母親，心裡有著極大的失落感。在多少寂寞的夜裡，因想起母親，而哭泣的臉，留過多少思念的淚水，也都只有母親親手做的娃娃陪她一起度過，也因為在它的身上，佩姍才能感受到母親對她的愛，支持著她，讓她堅強的等待母親的到來。

轉身看著床頭櫃上，母親未出嫁前的相片，她爬了起來將相片拿到自己的面前，仔細的看著影中人。相片裡的母親溫柔而開心的笑著，感覺不出有什麼煩惱，這樣的母親是自己所沒有見過的，也許是相片裡的玉萍，充滿柔情，溫暖了佩姍受傷的心靈，她收起了哭泣的臉，臉上掛著幸福的笑容再度躺回床上，拿起放在枕頭邊的布娃娃。「媽媽，你好漂亮唷！」佩姍對著娃娃真心的讚美著母親。「媽媽，今天阿嬤打了我二次，剛開始好痛喔！」她開時述說自己的委屈，臉上有著無辜的表情。「但是現在已經不痛了，媽媽別為佩姍擔心。」無辜的表情，一瞬間又轉為微笑。

「媽媽，要賺錢好辛苦，佩姍會乖乖的，不會讓媽媽傷心。」貼心的佩姍，像是能察覺母親的辛苦，常在心裡默默的感到心疼。佩姍用她的小嘴親在娃娃有點髒的臉頰上，充滿對母親的愛，安心的閉上了眼睛，帶著笑甜甜的進入夢鄉。接近中午的太陽有點熱，佩姍在庭院裡用著小石子，在地上隨便的畫著，阿邦在客廳裡無聊的看著卡通，一個開門的聲音吸引阿邦的目光，他往聲音的方向望去，原來是回來渡假的小姑姑，正從房裡帶著睡眼惺忪的臉色，迷迷糊湖的走進廁所裡。

無心看卡通的阿邦，腦子裡快速閃過一個念頭，嘴角帶著邪惡的笑容，站起了身，躡手躡腳走進姑姑的房間裡，快速的拿起放在化妝台上的黑色錢包，又快速的跑到佩姍的房裡，將錢包放在化妝台的櫃子裡，回到自己的位子，想到等一下會發生的事，他就得意的摀著嘴偷笑了起來。「哼！誰叫妳敢咬我，敢違抗我的命令。」阿邦斜眼看著無知的佩姍，心裡這樣想著。

過了一會，佩姍的阿姨，梳洗過後從廁所走回房間裡，在一番打扮之後，她整理自己的衣物，準備回到自己的工作崗位，當她準備就緒要出門的時候，驚覺自己的錢包不見了，她緊張地找了老半天，翻遍整個房間，越找脾氣就越上來，終於她放棄了沒有目標的尋找。「阿邦，剛剛誰進去我的房間？」小姑姑問著阿邦。「佩姍啊！」阿邦表現的很自然，繼續的看著電視。聽到阿邦的回答，小姑姑逕自找著佩姍，阿邦立即偷偷地跟著前去。

「拿出來?」阿姨的手伸到佩姍的面前。佩姍抬起了頭，她不知道阿姨要什麼，難道是自己手上的石頭嗎？「阿姨，給你。」單純的佩姍，真的把石頭放在阿姨的手上。「妳少在那邊給我裝傻。」阿姨將石頭丟在地上，左手插在腰上，右手舉起食指指著佩姍的鼻子，一副潑婦的模樣。
「妳剛剛進去我的房間，妳以為沒人看到嗎？本來還以為妳跟妳爸爸不一樣，現在終於知道有什麼樣的父親，就真的有什麼樣的女兒，妳爸爸愛偷錢，妳也一樣，快把我的錢包還來。」

阿姨一下子念了一大串，佩姍聽在耳裡並不是很懂，但隱約知道阿姨的意思。「阿姨，我沒進妳的房間，也沒偷妳的錢。」莫名其妙的佩姍很正經的回答她。「妳再不拿出來，就是討皮癢。」錢包不見的她心急p焚，不聽佩姍的解釋，開時搜著她的身，找不著便又親自走到佩姍的房間裡，翻箱倒櫃的找，終於在化妝櫃裡找到自己遺失的錢包。「佩姍，妳給我過來。」極為憤怒的聲音從屋裡，傳到院子裡，佩姍帶著忐忑不安的心，走到客廳，她看了一下阿姨的臉因為生氣而極為扭曲著，她的心裡就莫名的害怕了起來。

「家裡出個小偷還得了。」阿姨再也克制不了憤怒的情緒，她開始瘋狂的用手打在佩姍的臉上、手上、大腿上。「嗚！嗚！我不是小偷，我沒有，我沒有。」佩姍放聲大哭，她真的不知道自己是做錯了什麼，為什麼大家都找理由打她。「小偷，小偷，妳跟你爸爸都是小偷。」瘋狂的聲音，歇斯底里的打法，佩姍越哭越叫越替自己辯護，阿姨的手就越停不下手，心裡就越不能原諒佩姍。

過了好一段時? ﹛A阿姨打累了，看了一下手錶，想到自己還要去趕火車，於是對著坐在椅子上，置身事外的阿邦說著：「阿邦，阿公、阿嬤回來要跟他們說佩姍會偷東西，叫他們要小心。」 ;阿姨看著還在哭泣的佩姍說；「再偷東西就把你的手剁掉。」威脅佩姍後，走進房裡，提著自己的行李，匆忙的離去。

「嗚！嗚！」佩姍低著頭，衣服歪了一邊，頭髮亂的像鳥窩，身上被打過的地方，佈滿著五指手印的紅斑。「哈哈，活該，誰叫妳不把娃娃給我，還咬我。」看著小姑姑走遠之後，阿邦開心地取笑佩姍，為自己的傑作感到自傲。「嘿，等阿嬤他們回來妳就知道了，哈哈！」一想到佩姍晚一點還要被修理一次，阿邦臉上得笑容就難以消除。「我沒有偷錢，我不是小偷。」佩姍看著一直取笑自己的表哥，不想理會他，含淚丟下這句話，便跑回房間裡。

等愛 - Part 2

2009-01-12T10:01:00.003+08:00

「阿邦，阿嬤帶你去雜貨店，你想吃什麼？阿嬤買給你。」外婆轉頭對著在旁邊偷笑的表哥說著，臉上的表情早已從剛剛的惡狠轉為慈祥。「阿嬤，我要買上次我跟您說的那個玩具好不好？」阿邦一聽到奶奶要帶他去買東西，他高興的跑過來牽著奶奶的手，巴結的說著。「好！好！好！你要買，我就買給你，你在這裡等一下我去拿錢。」

對於失去母親的阿邦，阿嬤總是有求必應，給他最多的愛。看著奶奶走進房裡，阿邦靠在佩姍的身邊小聲的說：「活該！」，然後得意的跑到奶奶房裡，過了一會阿邦和外婆從房裡出來，手牽著手出門。滿是傷痕的佩姍在原地哭泣著，清秀的臉龐掛滿淚水和鼻水，糊成一團，
她不明白為什麼，自己明明沒有錯，外婆卻要如此的對她，長的像父親也不是她所能選擇，「媽媽！」佩姍想起了母親難過的大哭起來，雙手發抖拿起胸前的娃娃，深深的聞了一下感覺媽媽的味道。

「媽媽，妳跟我都好可憐，爸爸會打妳，阿嬤，也會打我。」這樣的情形令她想起爸爸總是在半夜打媽媽的情形，有一種同病相憐的感覺，她摸著玉萍親手做給她的娃娃，一邊說著，一邊哭泣著。玉萍再怎麼不喜歡自己的女兒，也不曾對她下過如此重的手，佩姍看著掛在身上的傷痕，瘀青中帶著血絲，此時她為自己也為母親的遭遇而心痛。

呆了半天，佩姍想起外婆的話，立即低下了身用手將盤子的碎片一一撿乾淨，就連被碎片割到了，她也都沒知覺了。終於清乾淨，佩姍來到庭院，坐在一個木板凳上，她看著天空，想著自己的媽媽在何處，她又拿起了娃娃。「媽媽，您要快點來接我唷，我會乖乖的。」她總是對著娃娃訴說著她的希望、她的苦，說過之後她的心情就能夠豁然開朗。

「媽媽，爸爸上次打您的地方還痛不痛？」她溫柔的問著不說話的娃娃。「痛痛，佩佩幫媽媽『呼呼』。」她將一口氣吹在娃娃的腿上，「秀秀！」一隻手摸著它的腿，疼惜的說著。正當佩姍對著娃娃自言自語的時候，身邊走過一個黑影，她轉頭看了一眼，是手上拿著一袋玩具的阿邦。一路上奶奶一直灌輸大人錯誤的觀念給阿邦，因此他的心裡也如大人一般看不起佩姍，認為她是沒人要的小孩。

阿邦看到佩姍自言自語的行為丟下一句：「白癡！」便拿著奶奶買給他的玩具進了房間。過了一會，阿邦拿著遙控汽車放在庭院的地上玩了起來，不時的還會一邊回頭看著佩姍，佩姍並不理會他，繼續對著娃娃說話。「就是因為妳長的像妳爸爸，妳媽媽才不要妳。」阿邦看佩姍不理他，向來被寵成家裡的小霸王的他，挑釁地說。「哥哥，你看！」佩姍舉起掛在胸前的娃娃說：「媽媽沒有不要我，這是媽媽做給我的，我有? 你就沒有。」

她的笑容透露著幸福。這樣的言語、舉止，不管是聽在阿邦耳裡，或是看在眼裡，都覺得佩姍是在對自己炫耀，或是取笑自己沒有母親。他的心產生了嫉妒與羨慕二種感覺，心裡很不是滋味。雖然阿邦有一個疼他的阿嬤，總是比不過天生對母愛的渴望，他很不高興的走到臉上掛著笑容的佩姍身邊，冷不防的將她手裡的娃娃抓住並說：「拿來！」「不要！這是我媽媽做給我的。」佩姍著急的叫著，手抓得更緊了，臉上幸福的笑容被恐懼替代了。「叫你拿來就拿來。」阿邦不管佩姍是否會受傷，只顧著用力拉扯。

「不要搶我媽媽給我的東西。」佩姍被從椅子拉得跌下來，仍不肯放開娃娃，著急的流下眼淚，說什麼她都不能將象徵媽媽的娃娃被搶走，它是她的精神寄託、她的生命來源。阿邦看到佩姍不肯放的手，他更用力的拉扯著，掛住娃娃的繩子在佩姍的脖子上，摩擦出一條勒痕眼看著娃娃就要離開自己的手，佩姍不知從哪裡得來一股力量，她放開手上的娃娃，抓住阿邦的手，狠狠一口咬了下去。

「啊！」一聲慘叫聲從阿邦的喉嚨裡傳了出來，他張大了嘴巴，痛的眼淚流了出來，手終於鬆開了，佩姍看到她的娃娃又回來了，趕緊站起來，跑回自己的房裡，深怕一停留，阿邦會再度過來搶她的娃娃。阿邦一邊哭一邊往隔壁的方向走去，一看到奶奶便跟奶奶說：「阿嬤，佩姍咬我，你看！嗚！」「乖，金孫賣哭，阿嬤去幫你出氣。」阿嬤看著他手上的咬炕A心疼不已，牽著阿邦的手來到佩姍的房間裡。

「你這個小孩怎麼回事？」阿嬤一進房門，不問佩姍原因便開口責罵。「阿嬤，是哥哥要搶我的娃娃。」佩姍一看到自己的表哥又請出他的「護身符」她就知道大事不妙，她在床上緊抱著娃娃，訥訥地解釋。「妳那個破娃娃，阿邦怎麼會喜歡？你不但愛說謊，還跟你爸爸一樣愛打人。」阿嬤氣著罵。「是真的。」佩姍試圖為自己辯解，話還沒說完，就被外婆拉下了床，一巴掌打在她的左臉上，佩姍用手摀著臉，看著打她的阿嬤，她並沒有哭，臉上是不屈服的倔強，像是無聲的抗議。

外婆不甘心就這樣放過她，尤其佩姍看自己的眼神令她感到非常不舒服，她再次舉起她的手將佩姍的手拉開，以大拇指和食指掐住佩姍微微帶肉的臉頰，用力地掐下去。被捏帶轉的臉頰，佩姍痛的眼睛睜不開，嘴合不攏，說不出話，只能從喉嚨裡傳來「啊、啊、啊。」的疼痛聲。「嘴巴這麼壞，這麼小不學乖，妳再說謊試試看？」在警告聲中，外婆終於鬆開手了。「阿邦，來！阿嬤，帶你擦藥去，別理這麼沒教養的小孩。」阿嬤牽著阿邦的手離開了佩姍的房裡。

等愛 - Part 1

2009-01-08T14:08:00.002+08:00

婚姻夢碎的玉萍，趕著夜班的火車，帶著唯一的女兒回到位在南投山區的娘家，坐在客廳裡向自己的父親訴說她這段婚姻的悲慘經過。「當初說過會好好愛我、疼惜我，怎麼現在的他變這樣？」才說第一句話，玉萍的淚水早已不爭氣的在眼眶裡打轉。她不明白，她的前夫婚前是個人人稱讚的好情人，怎麼婚後短短的時間，能把一個好男人變成賭鬼、酒鬼、和擁有暴力傾向的魔鬼？前夫婚前溫柔的模樣，和婚後的天壤差別，每一想到這裡，玉萍受傷的靈魂就難以復原。

「他打我已經不是第一次了。」回想前夫打在她身上的傷，無法向人訴說的苦，到現在想起來都還會有心痛的感覺。玉萍的父親在旁邊聽了直搖頭，想不到自己疼愛的女兒嫁給這樣的雙面人，心裡就替她感到難受。「他變的越來越愛賭，只有沒錢才回家，一回來就翻箱倒櫃，連我的嫁妝也被他拿去一一典當。」一想到父母為他準備，帶著祝福的嫁妝也都難逃魔掌，玉萍的心就自責著。

「畜生！真是一個禽獸不如的東西。」父親越聽越生氣，忍不住咒罵了起出來。「家裡一點錢也沒有，他要我去工地做小工，賺點小錢來養佩姍。」她看了一下在旁邊玩著娃娃，天真無邪的女兒說著。「他的豬朋狗友，時常帶他到處喝，喝醉了，回到家裡就是亂發脾氣，罵不過癮就打出氣。」被朋友帶壞的前夫，酒品奇差，不勝酒力的他，時常在酒後痛毆妻子。

「阿爸，你看！」為了證明自己沒有說謊，她將袖子及褲管捲起來，讓父親看到皮膚上佈滿新舊夾陳的瘀青，以及斑斑的傷痕。「真夭壽！出手有必要那麼重嗎？」父親看到女兒的傷痕，心就痛了起來，隨手拿了放在桌上的跌打藥膏，幫女兒推開瘀青。看到父親的慈愛，此時的玉萍，早已泣不成聲。發洩過後的她接著說：「阿爸，我好不容易跟他離了婚，佩姍他也不要，現在看到她就會讓我想到他。」玉萍看著天真的女兒，眼神裡並沒有愛，而是一種濃厚的瞋怨。

「小孩長? 像誰都可以，但是她長得幾乎是那個沒有用的男人的翻版，看到她，唉！『顧人怨』。」佩姍因為長的極像自己的父親，每當玉萍看到自己的女兒，就會想到丈夫無情的凌虐，間接的她已經將佩姍當成半個仇人。「就是這樣，她真的長的『顧人怨』。」父親附和著，慈愛的眼神被怨恨所替代。此刻的佩姍，不知道自己的五官竟然會讓自己身陷在令人討厭的環境之中，還在無知的玩著掛在胸前的娃娃。

「阿爸，我朋友在台北幫我找到一份不錯的工作，我必須賺錢，這個孩子我無法照顧，寄放在這裡，每個月我會寄錢回來。」玉萍收起哭喪的臉，說了這趟回娘家的目的。「妳安心的去吧！孩子的事不用妳來操心。」父親了解一個女人要工作還要照顧小孩是辛苦的。得到父親的應允?，讓她的心總算安定了一點，於是帶著女兒來到未出嫁前所居住的房間，停留一晚。

一大早，佩姍不用別人喊便會自己起床，看不到母親在身邊，她也沒有哭；父母不在家，這樣的情形時常發生，懂事的她知道媽媽去賺錢養家，沒有辦法照顧她，也時常在出外的前一天便會帶著佩姍寄放回家。用過早餐後，外公到山上整理果樹，外婆正在掃著地，而她的表哥正在院子玩他的遙控汽車。「阿嬤，我幫你整理。」懂得做點家事來換取別人歡心的佩姍，這次也不例外，幫著外婆收拾桌面。

她將二個盤子疊在一起，小心地用二隻小小的手捧了起來，走到廚房，忽然一個黑影閃過，撞在她的肩膀上，捧在手上的盤子，應聲掉在地上。「匡噹！」盤子清脆的聲音傳到客廳正在掃地的外婆的耳裡，她嚇了一跳，趕到廚房一探究竟，看到滿地的碎片，鄉下人勤儉的個性就跑了出來，臉色逐漸變的難看。「發生什麼代誌？」外婆鐵青著臉問。「阿嬤，是表哥撞到我，盤子才會摔破，我不是故意的。」佩姍急忙的解釋。

「阿嬤，我來的時候就看到她把盤子丟在地上，我才沒有撞她，她在說謊。」站在一旁的阿邦聽到佩姍如此說，深怕疼他的奶奶會因為生氣而打他，於是緊張的狡辯。阿邦是三代單傳的內孫，外婆向來是「疼命命」，平時罵不出口、決不動手，即時阿邦說的謊是多麼荒謬，外婆直覺地相信阿邦，將錯全歸到「惹人嫌」的佩姍身上。

「討債鬼，這麼浪費，妳知不知道一個盤子也不便宜，妳一下子給我『故意』打破了二個。」外婆不分青紅皂白開口就罵。「我沒有浪費，我真的不是故意的。? 佩姍無辜的說著。「像妳這種只懂得浪費的小孩，就是欠人教訓。」外婆一手抓住佩姍的膀子，另一隻手不客氣的用著食指搓著佩姍的額頭。「阿嬤，她好愛說謊，明明是她故意的，又說沒有。」

阿邦深怕佩姍多說話，會讓阿嬤知道真相，在一邊盡力地火上加油。「我又沒有說謊，真的沒有。」佩姍一邊用手擋在額頭，一邊看著阿邦委屈的說著。「妳還有膽狡辯，阿邦，去客廳拿竹子過來。」外婆看著不但不認錯還一直辯解的佩姍，心裡就對她產生極大的厭惡感，惱怒地吩咐阿邦去拿「刑具」。「我去拿。」看著阿嬤相信自己，阿邦的心裡有一種勝利的快感，笑嘻嘻往客廳的方向跑過去。「阿嬤，我說的是真的。」深怕表哥真的拿來竹子，一頓痛打是難免的，於是她再次開口極力的替自己辯護，希望外婆能相信。

「真是有什麼樣的父親，就會教出什麼樣的女兒，妳爸爸愛說謊，沒想到妳也愛說謊。」外婆將她說的話，當成狡辯的藉口，看著她的長相就想起玉萍的丈夫，如何的虐待自己的女兒，心裡的氣憤就難以消除。「阿嬤，竹子來了。」阿邦好像唯恐天下不亂那般，真的把「刑具」交到外婆的手上，自己退到一邊看戲；外婆一接到竹子，便毫不留情狠狠的揮竹而下，嘴裡還一邊罵著：「討債鬼！」「哇！」佩姍忍不住外婆打在身上的痛，大哭出聲，一邊扭動著幼小的身軀，一隻手被外婆抓著，一隻手擋在竹子將下的地方，掛在胸前不離身的人型娃娃也在不停的晃動著，像是在掙扎著什麼那般。

「這麼愛哭，我讓妳一次哭的夠。」佩姍為疼痛而大哭大叫的聲音聽在外婆耳裡是多麼的刺耳，無理的外婆越打就越氣，越氣下的手就越重，揮動的細竹子在空氣之中，發出「咻咻」的聲音，讓人聽了心寒。這樣的刑求對一個年僅六歲的小女孩怎麼能承受，被寵壞的阿邦對佩姍沒有一點同情心，不但不阻止阿嬤的「處罰」，甚至還在旁邊看的不亦樂乎，她哭得越大聲，阿邦的心裡就莫名的越高興。「把地上的碎片清乾淨。」外婆打累了，指著地上的碎片對她下命令。

A story to live life

2008-12-29T13:30:00.001+08:00

A story to live life by

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.He then asked the students if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.He then asked the students again if the jar was full.They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.He asked once more if the jar was full.The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else—the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are really critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked.""The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

2008-12-22T08:52:00.004+08:00

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F*** YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Love that started online - Part 7 (END)

2008-12-04T09:55:00.003+08:00

I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised she won be alone anymore, because I will always be there. After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance.

"Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie."
"You....You..."

She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous shock.

"I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you leave this place..."

Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she can even swim in it. I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my room....

"Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time..."
"Had a good night's rest?..."
"Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know you won't wake me up when your here."
"Then you should take a rest now."
"Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."

I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged. I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face. It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS.

What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE... But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover, what a butterfly if it can't fly?

"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"

I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I had a bad feeling about this.

"Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"

I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again...

"Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?"
"Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."

MOVIE? LIFE?....

"But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for you?"
"Ultimate Ice Blended!!"

This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time.

"Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?
"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut down on your intake also, ok?"

I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized that she just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future. My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.

This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her. I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets.

"Ok, I promise, I'll try my best."
"And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast..."
"It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes you look troubled and....."

This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before she. I can't bear to let her continue.

"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away."
"Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it anymore."

From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes. Not very far.

"Quite near."
"Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I hate that feeling."

I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....

****************************************************************************************************

"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me again.
"Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."

Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths. I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes.

Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world. Even Tye has given up on me...

"She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"

Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being alone. I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....

After that... I can't remember... I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my face. I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...

Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life. Did I cry?.. NO WAY!.. I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions.

Whenever I had the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes. So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago. Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But I stopped taking coffee and beer.

"Xing ah, is this for you?"

My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning. I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope. That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope.

Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before.

When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it. So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.

Best wishes,
Xiao Wen

The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:

'To:slorr...'

Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance. I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?

I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside. Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.

Something was written at the back of it....

Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean? Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling! :P

FlyNDance

I smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:

If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day?
No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this life.

If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you. Do I have wings?
No. Sadly. I can never see you again.

If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off?
Can. So yes. I LOVE YOU.

FlyNDance

My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy. As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness that on the whole of my face anymore. She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....

-=~@~=-
Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture. Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality, should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'

Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'

~THE END~

Love that started online - Part 6

2008-12-03T09:05:00.001+08:00

This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged. But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.

Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow. Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.

Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen. Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream? McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.

I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room. But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.

I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....

"Slorr, you are here!"
"Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?"
"Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."

SKY VERY CHIO...

I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings. But she didn't realize that it's raining today.

"Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."

Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing.

"Slorr, you lost weight."

ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?

"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you.."

"Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"

WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually. Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what in the case of a movie. But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...

Movies are fiction.
Life isn't.

Love that started online - Part 5

2008-12-02T09:55:00.001+08:00

Finally it’s 12 p.m., excited as I was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But there's a mail from her:

Dear Slorr,
At first I thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness.. recollecting memories we have shared... but all I felt was loneliness..... Can you feel it too?... I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... you don't blame me right?...:P... you weren’t there... should I feel glad for your obedience?....

You said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type...maybe you are right!... 'COs I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when you said that I am leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person... BUT CAN I ?

FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the first meeting with you at Mac... I started to realize that you are not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality you are strong, gentle and sensitive.... I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I am defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way...

I want you to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't you ask for my real name? ..that’s why I never asked for urs... I am a girl mah..:P... do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but I am really sorry. ??.I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye.....

Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it. Maybe its what you said... 'Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts right away... but not my tears... It’s about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive this mail... I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....

Good Bye

With lotsa love,
FlyNDance

After reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive. For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world.

I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life. But I failed. I found out that its not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time.

Its like I cannot breathe, it’s just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years. I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever. I have to find her!

"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance...."
"HUH??..."

'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her. She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.

Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.

"You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425."

Love that started online - Part 4

2008-12-01T17:02:00.001+08:00

"Slorr, you are early."

While I was idling, a girl tapped my shoulders from my back. Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's going to appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this girl who stood in front of me now. If not for the coffee theme and that 'Slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions. She is one of those 'chio bu' that can only be found on Orchard Road, which I usually see while crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm.

"Had your dinner right? I think we shall go inside the Mac first."
"You are pretty smart huh? A good way to save money indeed."

AIYA! She knows me so well, I can only give her an innocent smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries.

"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat."

I am not falling for that, miss. But I am glad she mentioned 'next time'.

"Slorr, are you disappointed when you saw me just now?"

DISSAPPOINTED? Are you drunk?

"Why do you think I will be disappointed then?"
"Cos I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite dissappointed when you saw me"

She is making zero-sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute.

"Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?"
"Slorr. I said I am not cute. I didn't say I am not pretty."

#$%$##%^*&%$@!!!

"But you are also quite decent looking what it's not like what you described to me too."

'DECENT'? A very vague word. To many gals, decent=boring. One good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday. It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her first 3 mths in AJ. Sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. From her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies.

BTW, she had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless She appears to be an attractive girl, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty. It's like a dream. We left the Mac at around 10 pm. Since it's still early, I decided to send her home and fortunately, it's just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine. I would have second thoughts if she's staying at Pasir Ris.

"Slorr, congratulations! You are officially permitted to date me from now on."

She said this before the lift door closed. Back at home, I realized that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe it's the influence of that stupid Tye. Tye told me: Never ask a pretty girl her name the first time you meet her, cos there are already too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if you act bochap. Then why didn't she ask for mine? Don't tell me there's a female version of Tye telling her not to? It's again 1 am. Time to meet her in ajcrr.

"Hi! Slorr you tired?"

Of course I am tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would go straight for my bed if not for her. But why is she here also? Isn't she tired too?

"Long time no see how are you?"

"Slorr you siao ah? 2 hours only leh... miss me?"
A)Yes B)Of Course C)Abuden D)Dying to see you E)All of above. Answer is E. Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me right now.

"You wanna go for a movie tomorrow?"

Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'.

"Should be no problem. What show?."

HOOOOORAY!! I am cheering for her fatigue.

"We decide what show tomorrow. Anyway what's important is watch with who. Not the show."

Tye's favourite line, I am just borrowing it.

"You should go sleep now lah."
"Wait one little while. You haven't tell me you tired or not?"
"Ok lah, A bit. You leh?"
"I am exhausted but have to say good night to you first. Slorr, if not I can't sleep."
"Me too."

I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business right now.

"Ok I tell you what I count 1,2,3. Then we log off together."
"Ok good night Slorr."
"Same to you"
"1..."
"2..."
"3..."

I never talk whenever I am inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic. I am not a romantic person, so it's perfectly understandable if I can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for all those stunning special effects. But something struck me when Jack said to Rose before he sank into the deep.....

"Rose, listen to me... listen.... winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me... it brought me to you....and I am thankful, Rose.. .I am thankful...."

Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, because I don't have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night. But he's one lucky guy too, because he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasn't just about drawings or special effects.

I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand and just when Rose said: "I promise... I will never let go, Jack... i'll never let go.." She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, why on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON".

"Ok, movie ended. Let's go."

I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I breathe out might just crush onto her, and kill her. She continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim. After a while,

she said "Slorr, movie ended, but life goes on. Am I right?"

I nodded my head. But I just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street. Along the way, she seems unusually quiet. So I guess Tye was right about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and it's the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, that's why Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly.

Her eyes were focused on the path or the crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up. I just kept my mouth shut. I know I am not a good swimmer. We walked to Plaza Singapura. Suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter.

"Slorr, have you read a novel called 'Fragrance'?"
"Err..nope. Why do you ask?"
"Look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior. It's what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday. And he told her 'DOLCE VITA is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'"

She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle.

"Oh... is it?"
"Slorr, then do you consider today as 'sweet times'?"
"At first I do, but some points are deducted since you started crying."
"That means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, I'll buy the small bottle then."

I insisted to pay for the perfume as her birthday present from me since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kind of saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. Luckily it's just perfume, or I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar.

"Are you hungry? Wanna sit down and have something?"
"I don't have appetite, what about you?"
"You eat, I eat..."

Her eyes are red again. I am such a fool. Finally got away from the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets of AMK Ave 6. Contrastingly, it's so quiet now that I even can hear the rhythm of her heartbeat."

"Slorr, do you know what's the correct way of applying perfume?"

I shook my head. In fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before, medicated oil maybe.

"First you apply some behind your ears, then your neck and wrists. After that spray some onto the air, then walk through it."
"Sure or not?"
"In that case this little bottle won't even be able to last you for 3 days"
"Slorr, shall we try?"
"We? You go ahead. I am a MAN."

She opened up that DOLCE VITA, behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some and she really did spray some onto the air!! WABIANGZ!! Expensive leh! Finally she stretched out her hands, facing up like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face.

"Hahaha...."
"Slorr, this is so fun! Now its your turn."

She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness of her fingers. Maybe it's the perfume, I guess.

"Slorr, get ready, I am going to spray!!"

I imitated her. Face up and walked through my first perfume rain.

"Slorr let's have another round!!"
" WHAT!! Serious?"

My money isn't easy to come by leh!! Before I can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more excited this time, hoping around, likes her nickname. A flying and dancing butterfly. Late night of AMK, the street smells unusually nicer right now. Until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA.

"DOLCE VITA is exhausted."
"I guess this sweet time shall end now too. Slorr, I'll go up now. Tonight 1 am, I won't be online, and you are not to do so too."
"Huh? But why?"
"Go online at 12pm tomorrow. You will know.... Remember, only 12pm..."

She turned and walked into the lift. At the same time, I saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck, which is visible only now because she tied her hair. I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up. I switched off the light in my room. Engulfed in the absolute darkness. I wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now. I realized in complete darkness, the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness.

She must be lonely right now, half asleep. I almost can see a beautiful butterfly, turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame. And that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red. Then burgundy. Slowly, it swallowed me was it the cause of that can of beer just now? Suddenly I felt cold and shaky. And that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart, the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1 am.

USE A DIFFERENT NICK!! Checked.. She isn't there; my heart was beating fast. But the temperature remained below healthy level....

Love that started online - Part 3

2008-11-28T15:55:00.001+08:00

I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning.

"You moron. Told her you are not romantic, you siao ah? You have disgraced me man. How can you make such a big mistake?"
"....I...I..."

Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing.

"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a girl... One, don't forget to be romantic; Two, don't be too honest; Three, don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech. In mandarin, we say '男人不坏, 女人不爱', you should know this."
"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that, cheap"
"So why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me?"
"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic. Those 'nice guys' are usually, dumdums. So she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums. In math we call this 2C1, understand? dumdum."

Oh, Tye is talking about math! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf.

"In another words, gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall... if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts... can forget your stupidity... but they can never forgive if you are not romantic..."
"Come on, this is so exaggerating."
"Hey, most women have a 'knot' for romance, just like most men have a 'knot for virginity. To women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men. Same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance."
"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."
"The key word is 'knot', if you can untie it, fine. But how many had actually succeeded in that. Practically none."
"Ok, fine. Now I've done it. So what should I do to remedy the situation?"
"Face it. You are hopeless already. I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over."

You SON OF A BXXCH. Midnight. I am trying to concentrate on my physics notes... F=ma, v=u+at... It's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science. Then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitions? Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that it's unreal....

Close to 1 am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there.

"Slorr, you here."
"Finally, good night to you "

'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again.

"Yes, it is fate that brought me to you at this moment."

I am trying very hard to convince her that I am a bit romantic.

"Slorr, nothing to do with fate. I waited for you for one hour liaoz..."
"Sure or not? For what?"
"Talk to you mah or else I can't sleep."
"You sick is it? Go see doctor lah "
"Slorr, let's continue our topic. What do you think of relationships that began from the Internet?"

Oh my god, how should I answer her now?

"It's... it's very... romantic..."

Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.

"Slorr, you bluffing. You not romantic one mah."

GAME OVER. I am finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.

"Slorr, you lagging? Or just daoing me?"
"No, I am wondering why is the sky so chio tonight?"
"No no no. Don't try to shift the topic, Slorr."

Sigh. I give up. I asked for it myself.

"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, cos romance gives people an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."
"Slorr, that's interesting."
"Surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of people are produced in this way. The first type.... The first type are those who present themselves on net with their secondary personality'. Usually all of us consist of multiple personalities and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So Internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."
"Is it true? What about 2nd type?"
"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. There's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that you particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldn't be found in you. Cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."
"Slorr, you blowing cow, is it? Type 3 leh?"
"I am not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES magazine! Type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life. For example, if you are a girl, you may act as a man on net. You may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if you want."
"Hmmh.. That's pretty amazing."
"The first type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.
The 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others always forgets his own strong points.
The 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."
"Slorr, then you belong to what type? Me leh?"
"I don't wish to believe you are type 3, 'cos I am not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think you are special. Being able to attract you, I think I am at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2."
"Type 2, then who you wish to become? Slorr.."

I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are what I am lacking of.

"Slorr, what about me?"
"you? I don't know. you want to FLY and DANCE, probably that means you wish to fully enjoy your youth while you can. But if this is something you wish yet you can't achieve, then there's 2 possibilities: 1, you are aging, 2, you are leaving the world."

I think I said something wrong, cos she didn't sent me anymore message after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things? I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. Damn that TIMES magazine! Poisons my mind. Maybe she lagging. So I waited... and waited. Girl, its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start, until she sent me this message:

"Slorr... let's meet..."

Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'. I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of McDonalds the one beside YMCA. That's the best time and place to meet a girl you have never met before, according to Tye, 'cos they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mac and have some fries and coke.

She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification. She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not Brad-pitt either. Then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.

喜欢

2008-11-28T15:54:00.001+08:00

喜欢。。。。

不知道从什么时候开始，
开始之后渐渐变成习惯，
习惯之后慢慢变成等待！

Love that started online - Part 2

2008-11-27T10:38:00.001+08:00

Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message.

"Hey Slorr, so late liao haven't sleep ah?"

Now what? Now what? Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath. Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humor, which has gone stale.

"Slorr, me in a foul mood today. Can't sleep, you leh?"

MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what Slorr Slorr... Now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows, it might attract some innocent gals in talking to you."

"I am not feeling very good too. So let's sad together."

Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I am not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all. And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:

"Since you are feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"

I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHINESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP." And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her.

"Ok, but you haven't greet me leh."

DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me MR COURTEOUS' in school. If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lose all my female fans.

"Nice to meet you, miss long-hair."
"I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.

Tye said that: "FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn’t has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.."

"Eh? How you know I got long hair?"

BINGO! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yes!

"Not only that, I also know you seldom wear skirt."

I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever.

"Err... I guess you are right lor. But how you know one?"
"Just guess."
"Ok lor. Hey Slorr, tell you what, me tired liao, you coming online tomorrow morning?"
"Ya, why??"
"Please please please say the you coming too, if not I am going to kill myself for letting you go tonight. I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then. Good night."
"Er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too."

I just blurted out a last sentence ....Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now. But is the season of spring really arriving for me?? I wish...............

"Slorr, what a coincidence ahh"
"Yeh, I am not late."
"Ya lor, so qiao."

Girls are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not. They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life.

"Slorr, you talking nonsense lah."
"NONSENSE? Ok, let me tell you what is nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter. Then he will call out loud the name of the girl, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."
"Slorr, you siao liaoz ahh?"
"I siao? Ok, let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and you can see birds stop over at his side admiring his work. And there will be a girl whose the model, most probably naked."
"Slorr, but these all very romantic mah."
"ROMANTIC? Hello miss, romance only survive in novels and movies.

In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the girl may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles. Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the girl because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."

"Slorr, you hate romance?"
"I hate romance? Nope, I am just using my knowledge of statistics to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! Some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object, because I am not tall."
"?Slorr.... objection overruled..."

I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon.

"Slorr, are you hungry?"
"Ya, you leh?"
"Yes, guess its time for lunch...Slorr.."
"Then do you think we should?"
"Slorr, I am just asking. I don't intend to have lunch with you."
"Ok, good. I am not romantic, neither are you."

Love that started online - Part 1

2008-11-26T10:31:00.002+08:00

I met her on the net, how? I can't remember but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.

If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. do I have a million? No. That's why I don't have a house.
If I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly.
If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. That's why I don't love you.

That's me, a typical science student. First you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion. If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.

But she is an exception. she actually mailed me and said that I am an interesting' person. 'Interesting'? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this girl must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.

Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad -FLYNDANCE- that's quite a unique one. But I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.

Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise. The only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore but, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special. So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.

Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in AJCRR. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.

She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction. Actually what interested me the most is this paragraph she wrote in one of the mails....

'I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd. Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't going to stop my rhythm. Because it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'

I simply cannot relate this girl to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill. Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this.

"HELLO! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk?? Maybe she' is a guy!"

I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Secondary 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'. As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".

In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make them into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.

Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he has had. I went online that night, log onto channel AJCRR and yes!

She is there.

Say: "I Love You"

2008-11-24T09:19:00.001+08:00

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer, a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.

So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there. He said

"Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.

He nodded and she went to the back. She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...

!!!RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday...

" The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs.

She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one. Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

The mother opened another CD... Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"

Treasure what you had!

2008-11-19T10:03:00.002+08:00

Chinie is a typical college girl who enjoys life to the fullest. She loves her boyfriend so much and texts him every now and then.

JM is Chinie's boyfriend who works in a call center in Ortigas. He's always busy doing so many things. He only manages to reply to Chinie's texts when he got off from work.

One time JM receives a message from Chinie:
"Hi baby! how r u? miss u! call me when u come home k?! tc! love u!"

JM ignored the message because he always received the same message whenever it is time for him to go home from work.

"Baby,i miss u already! did u eat yet?! Take care when u go home! ill be w8ing 4 ur call. lov u!"
"Baby,where r u?! u're not replying to my msg. Well,ill b here w8ing for ur call! lovu!"

JM reaches home and lay on his bed. The last time he knew is tha he's reading Chinie's text. He was so tired he fall asleep and wasn't able to return Chinie's call. He can still hear his phone beeps but he's too tired to take a glimpse on the message.

When he woke up the next day, he remember that he needs to call Chinie. He ignored the messages and dialed Chinie's #. No one's answering in her house. He called up her cellphone and he was surprised that her father answered the call. In his voice you can feel his tears and hear his heart tearing apart.

"JM,why'd u call just now? Chinie's been waiting for u!"
"Dad sorry.i was tired so i fell asleep. I called at home but no one answered. Where are u now?."
"Just wait for us at home"

JM went to Chinie's house and much to his surprised he saw a lot of people inside. The house were so lighted but you can see the gloom on every person you'll meet there. He was greeted by Chinie's mom on tears. She hug him tight and cried on his shoulders.

"Chinie was waiting for u. she didnt go out with us coz she was waiting for ur call. she was
killed las night by some robbers who came in here. she's gone JM, she's gone"
"Ma,Chinie texted me last night..how could that have happened?!"

JM can't look who's inside the coffin. He can't move and it feels like his whole body is stucked on the chair his seating. He wanted to cry but it seems that something is blocking his tears to fall down. He turn to his phone and read the messages of Chinie.

"Baby, ill be w8ing for u to call. i wont go out with dad anymore!"
"Baby, im scared. i think theres som1 downstairs. pls call me already!"
"baby, theyre here. wut f they kill me. pls call me. baby where r u? i need you here now. please baby i can hear them come..."
"baby.... i love you!..."

He wanted to shout and cry so loud. It's true that Chinie is waiting for his call. Up to her last breath she only thinks about him. He stare at Chinie inside the coffin. Suddenly tears starts flowing down his cheeks. He can't say anything. The only words he uttered...

"My baby,i'm so sorry! I could have known, i could have fight for you! i'm really sorry! I love you so much!"

Treasure what you had!

Promises

2008-11-18T11:31:00.003+08:00

Long time ago..there was a princess who lived in the palace. She was a very beautiful and wise princess. Many prince has come to ask for her hand but all of the princes was rejected. Finally,she decided to get married, many competition was held to choose her husband.

Finally, only 5 prince was left, she thought of a plan, she hide her hand and stick out a finger. Each of the prince get to guess which finger it was.

The first princes show her his thumb.
The second prince show her his 2nd finger.
The third prince show her his index finger and was slap by the princess.
The fourth prince show her his marriage finger.
Finally...
The last prince show her his last finger.

The princess looked at the 5th prince and took out her hidden hand. The princess also pointed out her last finger. She hooked it with him and they got married. They are very very happy together until one day, the prince had to go to war. The princess was sad and worried, so the prince hook fingers with her saying that he will come back alive for her.

Days past by, and soon 1 year has past. The prince have not returned. Rumours was spreading everywhere that the prince had died, many other prince came to ask for her hand to remarry. Reluctant, she continue waiting for the prince. Years past by and she knew she had to marry again.

She decided to do the same thing. She stick out her last finger infront of the princes but none of them know what she meant. They thought she wanted a ring on her last finger, so she marry none of them..

One day, a beggar wearing a hat came and wanted to ask for the princess hand, at first,the soldiers stopped him but the princess thought that everybody had a chance, so she let him in. The princess did the same thing and to her surprise, the beggar stick his last finger and hook it on hers.

Later, the beggar took out his hat, looking at him, the princess found out that he was her lost husband She hugged him and they were together again happily. Days past until one night, the prince woke up and walk out of his bed, disturbed by the prince, the princess woke up too. She followed him but after he walked out of the gate he disappeared and the princess was sad.

Later,she found out that the prince had died when he was on his way back from the war but in order to honour his promise he came back as a ghost in the 7month (ghost festivval). So 7X7=49. He could only be with her for 49 days and later, he would vanshed forever.

Finally,the princess found the prince body. She lied beside him,hook her finger with his and drank poison..so,that is how it ends..

Now , you know how the last finger was said to be made as promises..

How strong love can be

2008-11-17T08:55:00.003+08:00

From the very begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her
voice.

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry, it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a
letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply and countless of phonecalls, all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying. The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy.

Oneday, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger.

The girl finally smiled.

Small theory about girls

2008-11-14T09:35:00.004+08:00

1.	If a girl cries in front of you, it means that she couldnt take it anymore. If you take her hand, she would stay with you for the rest of your life; If you let her go, she couldnt go back to being herself anymore.
2.	A girl wont cry easily, except in front of the person who she love the most, she becomes weak. A girl wont cry easily, only wen she love you the most, she put down her ego.
3.	Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly, she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life. Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you, please dont give her up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin her life.
4.	When she cry rite infront of you, when she cry bcoz of you, Look into her eyes, Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling? Think. Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity, Infront of you, And bcoz of you?
5.	She cry not because she is weak, She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity, She cry, because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain,hurt,n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.
6.	Guys, think about it, if a girl cry her heart out 2 you and all because of you, its time to look back on wat u have done, Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it, coz one day, It may be too late for regrets, It may be too late to say "I'm sorry". To my friends... Ponder this message seriously. Dont do dis to a girl, you may regret for the rest of your life. Maybe in your life, she's the onli one that love YOU the most. Remember this lesson.

什麼是愛，什麼是付出?

2008-11-13T11:45:00.002+08:00

我的家在一個偏僻的山村，父母都是面朝黃土背朝天的農民。我有一個小我三歲的弟弟。有一次我為了買女孩子們都有的花手絹，偷偷拿了父親抽屜裏5毛錢。父親當天就發現錢少了，就讓我們跪在牆邊，拿著一根竹竿，讓我們承認到底是誰偷的。我被當時的情景嚇傻了，低著頭不敢說話。父親見我們都不承認，說那兩個一起挨打。

說完就揚起手裏的竹竿，忽然弟弟抓住父親的手大聲說：

「爸，是我偷的，不是姐幹的，你打我吧！」

父親手裏的竹竿無情地落在弟弟的背上、肩上，父親氣得喘不過氣來，打完了坐在炕上罵道：

「你現在就知道偷家裏的，將來長大了還了得？我打死你這個不爭氣
的。」

當天晚上，我和母親摟著滿身是傷痕的弟弟，弟弟一滴眼淚都沒掉。半夜裏，我突然號啕大哭，弟弟用小手捂住我的嘴說，姐，你別哭，反正我也挨完打了。我一直在恨自己當時沒有勇氣承認，事過多年，弟弟替了我擋竹竿的樣子，我仍然記憶猶新。

那一年，弟弟8歲，我11歲。

弟弟中學畢業那年，考上了縣裏的重點高中。同時我也接到了省城大學的錄取通知書。那天晚上，父親蹲在院子裏一袋一袋地抽著旱煙，嘴裏還叨咕著，倆娃都這麼爭氣，真爭氣。
母親偷偷地抹著眼淚說爭氣有啥用啊，拿啥供啊？弟弟走到父親面前說，爸，我不想念了，反正也念夠了。

父親一巴掌打在弟弟的臉上，說：「你怎就這麼沒出息？」

我就是砸鍋賣鐵也要把你們姐倆供出來。說完轉身出去挨家借錢。我撫摸著弟弟紅腫的臉說，你得念下去，男娃不念書就一輩子走不出這窮山溝了。弟弟看著我，點點頭。當時我已經決定放棄上學的機會了。沒想到第二天天還沒亮，弟弟就偷偷帶著幾件破衣服和幾個乾巴饅頭走了，在我枕邊留下一個紙條：

「姐：
你別愁了，考上大學不容易，我出去打工供你。
弟。」

我握著那張字條，趴在炕上，失聲痛哭。

那一年，弟弟17歲，我20歲。
　
我用父親滿村子借的錢和弟弟在工地裏搬水泥掙的錢終於讀到了大三。一天我正在寢室裏看書，同學跑進來喊我：

「梅子，有個老鄉在找你。」

怎麼會有老鄉找我呢？我走出去，遠遠地看見弟弟，穿著滿身是水泥和沙子的工作服等我。

我說：「你怎和我同學說你是我老鄉啊？」

他笑著說：「你看我穿的這樣，說是你弟，你同學還不笑話你？」

我鼻子一酸，眼淚就落了下來。我給弟弟拍打身上的塵土，哽咽著說：

「你本來就是我弟，這輩子不管穿成啥樣，我都不怕別人笑話。」

他從兜裏小心翼翼地掏出一個用手絹包著的蝴蝶髮夾，在我頭上比量著說：

「我看城裏的姑娘都戴這個，就給你也買一個。」

我再也沒有忍住，在大街上就抱著弟弟哭起來。

那一年，弟弟20歲，我23歲。

我第一次領男朋友回家，看到家裏掉了多少年的玻璃安上了，屋子裏也收拾得一塵不染。男朋友走了以後我向母親撒嬌：

「我說媽，昨把家收拾得這麼乾淨啊？」

母親老了，笑起來臉上像一朵菊花，說：

「這是你弟提早回來收拾的，你看他手上的口子沒？是安玻璃時劃的。」

我進弟弟的小屋裏，看到弟弟日漸消瘦的臉，心裏很難過。

他還是笑著說：

「你第一次帶朋友回家，還是城裏的大學生，不能讓人家笑話咱家。」

我給他的傷口上藥，問他，疼不？他說不疼。我在工地上，石頭把腳砸得腫得穿不了鞋，還幹活兒呢……說到一半就把嘴閉上不說了。我把臉轉過去，哭了出來。

那一年，弟弟23歲，我26歲。

我結婚以後，住在城裏，幾次和丈夫要把父母接來一起住，他們都不肯，說離開那村子就不知道幹啥了。弟弟也不同意，說：

「姐，你就全心照顧姐夫的爸媽吧，咱爸媽有我呢。」

丈夫升上廠裏的廠長，我和他商量把弟弟調上來管理修理部，沒想到弟弟不肯，執意做了一個修理工。一次弟弟登梯子修理電線，讓電擊了住進醫院。我和丈夫去看他。

我撫著他打著石膏的腿埋怨他：

「早讓你當幹部你不幹，現在，摔成這樣，要是不當工人能讓你去幹那活兒嗎？」

他一臉嚴肅地說：

「你怎不替我姐夫著想著想呢？他剛上來，我又沒文化，直接就當官，給他造成啥影響啊？」

丈夫感動得熱淚盈眶，我也哭著說：

「弟啊，你沒文化都是姐給你耽誤了。」

他拉過我的手說：「都過去了，還提它幹啥？」

那一年，弟弟26歲，我29歲。
　
弟弟30歲那年，才和一個本分的農村姑娘結了婚。在婚禮上，主持人問他，你最敬愛的人是誰，他想都沒想就回答，我姐。

弟弟講起了一個我都記不得的故事：

『我剛上小學的時候，學校在鄰村，每天我和我姐都得走上一個小時才到家。有一天，我的手套丟了一隻，我姐就把她的給我一隻，她自己就戴一隻手套走了那麼遠的路。回家以後，我姐的那只手凍得都拿不起筷子了。從那時候，我就發誓我這輩子一定要對我姐好。』

台下一片掌聲，賓客們都把目光轉向我。

我說，我這一輩子最感謝的人是我弟。在我最應該高興的時刻，我卻止不
住淚流滿面......
　

葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。

2008-11-12T14:26:00.001+08:00

倘若你愛上一個人，
千萬別裝作無所謂毫不在乎..
錯過了，就沒有了..
愛情，玩不起心理戰的...

~~樹~~
高中三年交過五個女朋友，有一個女孩子，我很愛她，卻遲遲不敢追，她沒有美麗的面孔，沒有姣好的身材，沒有撩人的魅力，一個再平凡不過的女孩子。我喜歡她，真的真的很喜歡她，喜歡她的單純，她的直率，她的可愛，她的脆弱。

不追她的原因，也許是潛意識覺得平凡如她配不上我；也許是因為怕在一起後，一切好感都會消失；也許是怕外人的指指點點傷害了她；也許是覺得，她會是我的，不急著為了她而放棄一切。

最後這個原因，讓她陪了我三年，讓她看著我和別的女孩子廝混了三年，讓她心痛了三年。
她很想當一個好演員，但我卻像一個嚴苛的導演。我和第二個女朋友在廁所接吻，被她撞見，她尷尬的笑笑說：「Go on！」然後跑掉，第二天，她眼睛腫得像核桃一樣，我故意不去猜想是誰讓她哭成這樣，嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家後，在教室哭了起來，她不知道練球回來拿東西的我，看了她一個多小時。

我的第四個女朋友，一直很不喜歡她，有次她們兩個吵了起來，我知道依她的個性不會去惹事，但我還是護著女朋友，她被我吼了一下後，愣住，眼淚滑了下來，我無視她的眼淚，陪女友走出教室，第二天，她依舊嘻嘻哈哈的和我開玩笑，我知道她很難過，但她不會知道我的心不比她好受。

當我和第五個女朋友分手時，我約她出去玩，玩了一天，我對她說：「我有事要對妳說。」她說：「真巧，我也有事要對你說。」「我和她分手了。」「我和他在一起了。」我知道「他」是誰，他追她也有一陣子了，是個蠻可愛的男孩子，活潑有趣，充滿了熱情，追她追得滿城風雨。我不能表現自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但當我回到家，心中的痛楚強烈得令我無法承受，像有個千斤重的石頭壓在我胸口，我無法呼吸，想大叫卻叫不出來，眼淚竟然滑了下來，我掩面大哭，多少次，我也看著她為了那個不願承認的人掩面大哭。

畢業典禮時，我在手機上發現了一封簡訊，這是十天前，我掩面大哭時傳來的，只是我一直沒有去開過機。
「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」
　

~~葉子~~
高中時，喜歡蒐集葉子，why？因為我覺得，一片葉子要離開它長期依賴的樹好勇敢哩！高中三年，我和一個男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那種好，是好朋友那種好，但是，在他交第一個女朋友時，我學會了一種不該有的感覺，吃醋，心中的酸，不是一顆檸檬可以比喻，那就像是100顆臭酸的檸檬，酸到不行，他們只在一起兩個月，當他們分手，我還得掩飾自己心中強烈的喜悅，但是一個月後，他和另一個女孩子在一起。

我喜歡他，也知道他喜歡我，可是，他為什麼總是不追我呢？明明喜歡彼此，為什麼不行動？每當他交一個女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打擊，讓我不禁懷疑，是我一廂情願嗎？不愛我，為什麼要對我那麼好？他對我的好，已經不是普通朋友可以做到。喜歡一個人，好難過，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的習慣，唯獨他對我的感覺，我猜不透，難道要我這個女孩子去開口嗎？

儘管如此，我還是想在他身邊，關心他，陪他，愛他，也許算是一種等待的行為，等待他回來愛我，就像每天晚上等他的電話，等他的簡訊，我知道，就算他再忙，也會撥出一些時間給我。這樣的等待，陪了我三年，等待是難熬的，是令人想放棄的，但等到的那一剎那，讓人第二天會繼續等下去。這樣的煎熬，這樣的痛苦，這樣的幸福，這樣的矛盾，陪了我三~。

直到三年級下學期，高二一個學弟喜歡上我，每天的熱情追求，令我從一開始的拒絕，漸漸願意挪出我心房的一些位置給他。他像一陣溫柔而持久的風，撩撥我這片搖搖欲墜的葉子，到最後，我發現我已經不想只留一點點的位置給這陣風，我知道這陣風，會帶我這片傷痕累累的葉子，到更幸福的地方。

於是我離開了樹，樹只是笑笑，沒有挽留。
「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

~~風~~
因為我喜歡的女孩子叫葉子，因為她有一棵令她依戀的樹，所以我要當一陣風，一陣呵護她的風。

第一次看見她，是高二我轉來一個月後的事，個子小小的她坐在球場旁，一雙眼凝視著同和我在球場的學長，每天的社團時間，她總會坐在那裡，一個人，和朋友，她的眼光依舊凝視著他，當他和女孩子打打鬧鬧，她的眼中有淚，當他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的習慣，就像她愛看他。

有一天她沒來，我心中沒來由的焦慮與不安，我無法解釋那種感覺，除了不安，還是不安，而且那學長竟然也不在。我衝去他們教室，躲在外面，看著學長罵她，她的眼淚，他的離去。

第二天，她依舊坐在場邊，看著他，我走過去，對她笑一笑，拿了張紙條給她，她先是驚訝的看著我，然後笑笑地收下。

隔天，她拿著紙條出現在我面前，然後離開。
「葉子的心太沉重，風吹不動。」

不是葉子的心太沉重，是葉子根本就不想離開樹。」
我回給她這段話後，她漸漸會和我說話，收我的禮物，接我的電話。我知道她喜歡的不是我，但我還是有毅力一定要讓她喜歡上我，四個月內我告白了不下20次，每一次她都轉移話題，但我還是不會放棄，我決定要的人，我就一定會給它追過來！

一直到不知道第幾次的告白，出了口，雖然知道她一定會又說到別的事，但還是有一絲絲希望她的答應，沒想到她都不說話，「妳在幹嘛？怎麼不說話？」我對著話筒說。「我在點頭。」「啊？」我不敢相信自己的耳朵。
「我在點頭！」她大聲叫。
我甩掉電話，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了機車，衝去她們家按門鈴，當她開門的那一剎那，緊緊抱住她。

「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

一碗湯麵

2008-11-11T11:26:00.002+08:00

這個故事是十五年前的十二月三十一日，也就是除夕夜，發生在日本札幌街上一家「北海亭」的麵館裡。除夕夜吃拉麵條過年是日本人的傳統習俗，因此到了這一天，麵館的生意特別好，北海亭也不例外，這一天幾乎整天都客滿，不過到晚上十點以後幾乎就沒有客人了，平時到凌晨，街上都還很熱鬧的，這一天大家都早一點趕回家過年，因此街上也很快就安靜下來。

　　北海亭的老闆是個憨憨傻傻的老實人，老闆娘倒很古道熱腸，待人親切。

　　除夕夜，最後一個客人走出麵館，老闆娘正打算關店的時候，店門再一次輕輕地被拉開，一個女人帶著兩個小男孩走進來，兩個孩子大約是六歲和十歲左右，穿著全新的一模一樣的運動服，那女人卻穿著過時的格子舊大衣。

　　「請坐！」聽老闆這麼招呼，那個女人怯怯的說：「可不可以……來一碗……湯麵？」背後的兩個孩子不安地對望了一眼。

　　「當然……當然可以，請這邊坐！」

　　老闆娘帶著他們走到最靠邊的二號桌子，然後向廚臺那邊大聲喊著：「一碗湯麵！」

　　一人份只有一團麵，老板多丟了半團麵，煮了滿滿一大碗，老闆娘和客人都不知道。母子三人圍著一碗湯麵吃得津津有味，一邊吃，一邊悄悄地談著：「好好吃喲！」哥哥說。

　　「媽，您也吃吃看嘛！」弟弟說著，挾了一根麵條往母親嘴裡送。

　　不一會兒吃完了，付了一百五十元，母子三人同聲誇讚：「真好吃，謝謝！」並且微微了鞠了一躬，走出麵館。

　　「謝謝你們！新年快樂！」老闆和老闆娘同時這麼說。

　　每天忙著忙著，不知不覺很快地又過了一年。又到了十二月三十一日這一天；迎接新的一年，北海亭的生意仍然非常興旺。比去年除夕夜更忙碌的一天終於結束了，過了十點，老闆娘走向店門前，正想將門拉下的時候，店門又再度輕輕地被拉開，走進來了一位中年婦人另外帶著兩個小孩。老闆娘看到那件過時的格子舊大衣，馬上想起一年前除夕夜最後的客人。

　　「可以不可以……給我們煮碗……..湯麵?」

　　「當然，當然，請邊坐！」

　　老闆娘一邊帶他們到去年坐過的二號桌子，一邊大聲喊：「一碗湯麵！」

　　老闆一邊應聲，一邊點上剛剛熄掉的爐火。

　　「是的！一碗湯麵！」

　　老闆娘偷偷地在丈夫的耳朵旁說著。「喂，煮三碗給他們吃好不好?」

　　「不行，這樣做他們會不好意思的。」

　　丈夫一邊這麼回答，卻一邊多丟進半團麵條到滾燙的鍋子裡，站在旁邊一直微笑著看著他的妻子說：「你看起來挺呆板的，心地倒還不錯嘛！」

　　丈夫默默地盛好一大碗香噴噴的麵交給妻子端出去。

　　母子三人圍著那碗麵，邊吃邊談論著，那些對話也傳到了老闆和老闆娘的耳朵裡。

　　「好香……好棒……真好吃……！」

　　「今年還能吃到北海亭的麵，真不錯！」

　　「明年能夠再來吃，就好了……！」

　　吃完了付了一百五十元，母子三人又走出了北海亭。

　　「謝謝！祝你們新年快樂！」

　　望著這母子三人的背影，老闆夫婦倆反覆談論了些久。

　　這三年的除夕夜，北海亭的生意仍然非常的好，老闆夫婦彼此忙到甚麼都沒時間講話，但是過了九點半，兩個人開始都有點不安了起來。十點到了，店員們領了紅包也回去了，主人急忙將牆壁上的價目表一張一張往裡翻，把今年夏天漲價的：「湯麵一碗二百元」那張價目表，重新寫上一百五十元。二號桌上面，三十分鐘前老闆娘就先放上一張：「預約席」的卡片。

　　好像有意等客人都光了才進來似的，十點半的時候，這對母子三人終於又出現了。哥哥穿著國中的制服，弟弟穿著去年哥哥穿過的稍嫌大一點的夾克，兩個孩子都長大很多，母親仍然穿著那件褪了色的格子布舊大衣。

　　「請進！請進！」老闆娘熱情的招呼著。

　　望著笑臉相迎的老闆娘，母親戰戰兢地說：「麻煩……麻煩煮兩碗湯麵好不好？」

　　「好的，請這邊坐！」

　　老闆娘招待他們坐到二號桌，趕快若無其事的將那「預約席」的卡片藏起來，然後向裡面喊著：「兩碗湯麵！」

　　「是的！兩碗湯麵！馬上就好了呦！」

　　老闆一邊應聲，一邊丟進了三團麵進去。

　　母子三人一邊吃麵，一邊談著話，看起來很高興的樣子。

　　站在廚臺後面的老闆夫婦也跟著感受他們的喜悅，內心也跟著喜悅起來。

　　「小淳和哥哥；媽媽今天要謝謝你們兩個人啊！」

　　「謝謝！」

　　「為甚麼？」

　　是這樣的，你們過世的爸爸所造成八個人受傷的車禍，保險公司不能支付的部份，這幾年來每個月都必需繳五萬元。」

　　「欸，這個我們知道呀！」哥哥這麼回答。老闆娘一動也不動的靜靜聽著。

　　「本來應該繳到明年三月的，但是今天已全數繳完了！」

　　「哦，媽媽，真的呀？」

　　「欸，真的。因為哥哥認真的送報，小淳幫忙買菜做飯，使媽媽可以安心工作，公司發給我一份全勤的特別加給，因此今天就將剩下的部份就全部繳完了。」

　　「媽！哥哥！真是太好了，不過以後請讓小淳繼續做晚飯。」

　　「我也要繼續送報紙。小淳，加油！」

　　「謝謝你們弟兄倆，真的謝謝！」

　　「小淳和我有一個秘密，一直都沒有跟媽媽您說，那是……十一月的一個禮拜天，小淳的學校通知家長要去參觀教學課程，小淳的老師還特別附了一封信，說小淳的一篇文章被選為全北海道的代表，將參加全國的作文比賽。我聽小淳的同學說才知道的，因此；那一天我代表媽去參觀了。」

　　「真有這回事？後來呢?」

　　「老師出的題目是『我的志願』，小淳是以一碗湯麵為題寫的作文，還要當眾讀這篇作文。」

　　「作文是這樣寫的：爸爸車禍了，留下很多債務，為了還債，媽媽從早到晚拚命工作，連我每天早晚認真送報的事，弟弟也全部寫出來了。」

　　「還有，十二月三十一日晚上，我們母子三人共同吃一碗湯麵，非常好吃……三個人只叫一碗湯麵，麵店的伯伯和伯母竟然還向我們道謝，並且祝我們新年快樂！那聲音好像在鼓勵我們要堅強勇敢的活下去，趕緊把爸爸留下的債務還清！」

　　因此小淳決定長大以後要開麵館，當日本第一的麵館老闆，也要對每一個客人說加油！祝你幸福！謝謝你！」

　　一直站在廚臺裡聽他們對話的老闆夫婦突然失去蹤影，原來他們蹲下來，一條毛巾一人抓一頭，拼命擦著不斷湧出來的淚水。

　　「作文讀完了，老師說：小淳的哥哥今天代表媽媽來了，請上來說幾句話。」

　　「真的？那麼你怎麼辦？」

　　「因為太突然了，開始不知說甚麼好。我就說：謝謝大家平時對小淳的關愛，我弟弟每天必須買菜做晚飯，常常會在團體活動中急忙地回家，一定給大家添了許多麻煩，剛剛我弟弟讀一碗湯麵的時候，我曾感到很羞恥，但是看見弟弟挺胸大聲讀完一碗湯麵的時候，感到羞恥的那種心情才是真正的羞恥。」

　　「這些年來……媽媽只叫一碗湯麵的那種勇氣，我們兄弟絕對不會忘記…….我們兄弟一定會好好努力，好好的照顧母親，今後仍然拜託個位多多關照我弟弟。」

　　母子三個悄悄地握握手，拍拍肩，比往年都快樂地吃完過年的麵，付了三百元，說聲謝謝！並且鞠了躬走出麵館，望著母子三人的背影，老闆好像做個一年的總結束似地大聲說：

　　「謝謝！新年快樂！」

　　又過了一年。

　　北海亭麵館過了晚上九點，二號桌上又放了一塊「預約席」的卡片等待著，但是那母子三人並沒出現。

　　第二年、第三年、二號桌仍然空著，三個母子都再沒有出現北海亭的生意越來越好，店內全部都改裝過，桌椅都換了新的，只有那張二號桌仍然保留著。

　　「這究竟是怎麼一回事？」許多客人都覺得奇怪，這樣問。

　　老闆娘就講述關於一碗湯麵的故事給大家聽，那張舊桌子放在中央，對自己好像也是一種鼓勵，而且說不定那一天那三個客人還會再來，希望仍然用這張桌子來歡迎他們。

　　那張二號桌變成了「幸福的桌子」，客人一個個傳開去，有許多學生好奇，為了看那張桌子，專程從老遠的地方跑來吃麵，大家都特別指定要坐那桌子。

　　又過了很多年的十二月三十一日。

　　北海亭附近的商店主人，到了除夕這天打烊以後，都會帶著家眷集合到北海亭來吃麵，一邊吃，一邊等著聽除夕的鐘聲，然後大家一起到神社去拜拜，這是五六年來的習慣。

　　這一天過了九點半，先是魚店夫婦端來一大盤生魚片，接著又有人斷斷續續地帶酒菜來，經常都集合了三、四十個人，大家都很熱絡；每個人都知道二號桌的由來，大家嘴裡甚麼都不講，但是心裡卻想著那「除夕的預約席」今年可能又空空地迎接新年了。

　　有人吃麵，有人喝酒，有人忙進忙出準備菜餚，大家邊吃邊談，生意上的話。

　　連海水浴的事，最近了添了孫子……，無所不談，打成一片，像一家人，過了十點半，門突然再度被輕輕地被拉開。

　　所有的人都停止談話，視線一起朝向門口望去。

　　兩個青年穿著筆挺的西裝，手上拿著大衣走進來，大家鬆了一口氣，繼續恢復熱鬧的氣氛，老闆娘正準備說「抱歉，己經客滿了」拒絕客人的時候，有一個穿和服的女人走進來，站到兩個青年人的中間。

　　店內所有的客人都屏住呼吸，聽那穿和服的婦人慢慢地說：「麻煩…麻煩……湯麵.…三人份可以嗎？」

　　老闆娘的臉色馬上就變了，經過了十幾年的歲月，當時年輕母親和兩個小孩的形象，和眼前這三人，她瞬間努力想把畫面重疊在一起，廚臺後的老闆看傻了，手指交互的指著二個人，「你們….你們……」地說不出話來。

　　其中有一個青年望著不知措的老闆娘說：「我們母子三人，曾在十四年前的除夕夜叫了一份湯麵，受到那一碗湯麵的鼓勵，我們母子三人才能堅強的活下去。」

　　「後來我們搬到滋賀縣的外婆家住，我今年己通過醫師的檢定考試，在京都大學醫院的小兒科實習，明年四月將要來札幌的綜合醫院服務。」

　　「我們禮貌上先來拜訪這家醫院，順便去父親的墓前祭拜，和曾經想當麵店大老闆未成，現在在京都銀行就職的弟弟商量，有一個最奢侈的計劃…….就是今年除夕，母子三人要來拜訪札幌的北海亭，吃三人份的北海亭湯麵。」

　　一邊聽一邊微微點頭的老闆夫婦，眼眶裡溢滿淚水。

　　坐在門口的菜店老闆，把嘴裡含著的一口麵用力咯一聲整口吞了下去，然後站起來說：「喂、喂、老闆，怎麼啦？準備了十年一直等待這一天來臨，那個除夕十點過後的預約席呢？趕快招待他們啊！快呀！」

　　老闆娘終於恢復神志，拍了一下菜店老闆的肩膀，說：「歡迎，請……。喂！二號桌三碗湯麵」

　　那個傻愣愣的老闆擦了一下眼淚，應聲說：「是的，湯麵三碗！」

　

　　● 後記：

　　從現實的眼光來看，麵店老闆所付出的並不多，但是，即使那只是幾個麵團，和幾聲誠懇帶有勉勵，祝福之意的「謝謝，新年快樂！」卻使正受殘酷現實逼迫陷入困境的生命重獲生機，這個故事給我們一啟示：不要忽視自己對這個環境的影響力，也許你的一些真誠的關懷，就會給這個世界帶來無限的光明。因此，我們多麼熱切希望和企望。朋友，不要再吝嗇了，希望今後我們都能願意奉獻自己久藏的愛心，點亮它吧！即使那只是一點點的亮光而已，對寒冷的冬夜而言，卻也是真真實實溫暖和光明。

　　這個故事在日本發表時，感動了許多日本人，因此有了這麼一個說法：「看了這個故事的人，沒有一個不流淚的。」這個說法稍嫌誇大了些，但是看過這個故事的人的確有許多都為之感動落淚。然而他們流得不是感傷的淚，而是被那一份真誠的關愛，和那一片寬厚的心腸所感動的熱淚。
　

NUS Love Story - Part 12

2008-11-10T09:18:00.003+08:00

The supplementary examinations came and went. We went out many times after our re-papers. The four of us: Ken, Yve, Lisa and me. Each time we went out, I would be extra careful not to see her directly into her eyes or touch her. Ken and Yve noticed that too but they did not tease me about it. They understood me. They are wonderful friends.The supplementary examinations results was released just before the new academic year start again.

Both of us passed. We went out to celebrate that very day, the three of us and Ken of course. That day also coincide with Lisa's twentieth birthday. Ken and Yve had specially arranged a bowling session in Marina South for the four of us.It was first time bowling for all of us other than Ken, the playful one. I saw a jukebox machine there. I dedicated the song Nothing is going to change my love for you to Lisa, with Ken's and Yve's support of course.

I even sang with the song to Lisa. She was quite touched and happy. Later in the evening we went to the Korean restaurant for a seafood buffet dinner. The food is ok and we had a great time. After dinner Ken brought out a cake. I brought out my present too. It was a handmade card and a framed-up sketch of her that I had drawn. She was a bit shocked to see it.

"I am really impressed Min. It's not exactly like me but I like it very much. Thank you."
After she said this, I gave a bouquet of 20 pink roses in full bloom. She looked at me sweetly and said, "This is the first time you gave me flowers."

It was quite remarkable how she remembers when did someone did what. I did not know how she did it but I guess she treasure every happy moment she has and remembers them. Ken and Yve arranged for the cake to be brought there by another friend. The friend came and joined us for dinner. That night, after cutting the cake Lisa made a wish. Ken asked her what her wish was but she shyed away.

Upon further prodding by Yve, she said, "I wish Min and I can start all over again."
I was so happy. It was quite hard to believe that she had agreed to give our relationship another try. Finally she had agreed. Ken and Yve gave her a present each. Suddenly an idea struck my mind.

"Lisa, I have one more thing for you."
"Ohh..what is it?"

She looked around, trying to find what I have for her.

"What I have is what money cannot buy. For this twentieth birthday of yours, I am giving you my heart and myself. Do you want it?"

I see a role reversal here. It was her who asked me that question about barely nine months ago.
She smiled sweetly and gave me a hug and a kiss. That was the first time I touch her after so long. It is really a 'warmth' one. I will remember every moment of it. Ken, Yve and the friend who sent the cake went back in that friend's car, deliberately leaving us behind.

I appreciated that very much. Like two new lovers, we walked clumsily to the bus-stop. I would seize any opportunity to hold her hand and she would withdraw hers after the 'obstacles' are cleared. Like new lovers who do not know what to do, we stumbled with words and actions. It was like falling in love all over again.

When second year started, we went out to the hop and jams as like last year. This time it’s the three of us. Ken, Lisa and me. Yve had gone back to NTU. Second year is busier than first year. There are more projects and most of our times are spent on tutorial and projects. We are quite busy but we still take time out to go to see shows and stroll in the parks, just Lisa and me.

One day in October we went to our usual weekend haunt and I asked Lisa, "Lisa, how much do you love me?" She was surprised at the question. She thought for a while and replied.

"When I first fell in love, it was with Roger. He left me for another 'better' person. I do not know how he measure better. But he thought he would be better with her. I see that he is someone who goes to where he thinks is better for him, quite selfish."
"The second one is the mugger I told you about. We could actually strike it off but he left me after he knew I cheated him. I guessed he must be pretty angry with me. I really have nothing against against him at all. it was me who fouled up everything."
"The third one sacrificed so much for me. He cared a lot for me too. But he died in his foolishness I think. I owed him and his family a lot. He was the only son you know. I can never forget him. "
"The last one was actually you. You had are the only one who I like right from the beginning. I sort of grew to learn to love them over a period of time. You are different. And all of them left me. But you are the one whom I left. Yet you still want to come back to me after a year. I am quite touched. You had shown me your love to be true and persistent, and I have known you more and more. More importantly, I find myself falling in love with you again. This time it's stronger and more assured. I am more confident of myself now. It is also you that I missed the most when I am not with you. Do you know?"
"Also, when I was with you, I did not think of the other guys at all. Except the one who died for me but I guess that was because of guilt.When Roger came to me again, I was happy. But I guess that was because I thought I had found a lost love again. And at that time, I was so sad that you said you want to wait. Do you know that I was very sad that you said that?"

I winced at her words. They pierced me right through my heart. I regreted what I did not do then.

"Anyway, Roger did treat me well at first. But he sort of became overly possessive and selfish later. Do you know that once he did not turn up at an appointment because one of his friend delayed him at the earlier appointment. He could have called me since he is picking me up but then he did not. I mean, if he can do that once, he could also do that again sometime later. He put his other friends before me and also he did not allow me to see some of my friends whenever our appointments clashed."
"The last straw came when I found out he cheated me again, the second time.
You know what happened after that. He made me leave him because he wants to leave me."
"In all those previous relationship, it was them who left me. I did not leave any of them except may be you. I was one who is quite contented to be loved."
"But for you, it is different. It is only after so long, almost a year for me to see that your love for me is true. That there is an assurance that you will stay with me in the long run. The chemistry between us is strong. Tell me, won't you be happy? Won't you love someone who cares so much for you? Won't you love someone who sacrificed so much for you? Won't you love someone who loves you so much?"
"Yes I will. Very much."
"Tell me, how much you love me?"
"How much? I have waited for a long time for you to come back to me. I have been through many things that teach me how to love. And I did things that only true love will do."

I stared at her. I know that this time, she has found her real love, and I mine, because in her eyes, I see true love.

The End.

NUS Love Story - Part 11

2008-11-07T09:33:00.002+08:00

I took her cue and sat down beside Lisa. Yve was still standing beside us.

"Lisa, please don't cry. When you cry you made someone who still loves you very sad too."

Her sobbing reduced to sniffing immediately. She looked up at me with her wet eyes. They are even more beautiful this way. Those sparkling and penetrating eyes.

"You...I don't understand what you mean." she said weakly, trying to think clearly.

"Lisa, listen. After you left me, my heart almost went with you until Sally came along. She filled the void that you created. But still, I cannot forget you. I still think of you and that day when I wanted to discuss my relationship with Sally, she saw us and as you know, want me to choose between you and her. I chose you. I have always love you. I am bad in expressing my feelings and I want you to know now that I love you."

At this she seems to sober herself. She wipes her eyes dry and looked into my eyes. I fixed my gaze on her too. After a while she looked down. I am quite lost at what to say.

"Min, please excuse both of us. I want to have a talk with Lisa." Yve said.

I did not know what Yve wanted to say to Lisa but I went back to my table and sat there, eating the already cold food. I spied Lisa shaking her head a few times and Yve did most of the talking. Finally Yve came over and said

"Min, I tried my best. Go over to her now."
"What did both of you talk about?"
"Ask her. Go now. I'll be waiting here." I went over quickly.

Lisa did not want to look at me in the eyes. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact. She had become shy again.

"Lisa, what did Yve said?"
"She.....she told me about your true feelings towards me. I am quite grateful for that. I appreciate that. Thank you. She also asked me to consider loving you again. I..."

I was grateful to Yve too for communicating my feelings and helping me. I just hope Lisa would just say yes. I prayed silently inside me.

"I don't know what to do. Please give me some time. I need to think this all over again. I really need to. I am quite confused."
"Ok, I will wait for your reply. But remember this Lisa, I have never cheated you and my feelings for you did not change since the first day we met. It had waned a little here when you left but it is getting stronger and stronger. My heart will always follow you wherever you go. You know that."
"I...I know. But...." she cut herself short. We sent her back that night. Lisa was quite weak physically and emotionally. Yve supported her most of the time. I did not dare to hold her because I know if I did I would not let go.

The next day one of Lisa's friend called me.

"Min, Lisa tried to commit suicide. She had an over dosage of sleeping pills. The doctors are trying to cleanse her stomach in GH now. Hurry!"

I took a cab. It was eleven pm. When I reached there, I saw her parents and little sister with her friend that called me outside an emergency room. They looked worried. I went over and joined. I was very frightened the worst would happen. I prayed silently to the heavens to save her. She was just a victim of love. Ohh..please don't let her die.

After half an hour, a few hospital staff came out. One of them spoke to us.

"There is nothing to worry now. She is fine but quite weak. We had cleansed and flushed her stomach and removed the toxins already. By the way, who gave her those sleeping pills?"
"They are actually my wife's. Her doctor prescribed them to her when she complained of insomnia." Lisa's father replied.
"I see. Anyway, there is nothing to worry. She will have to stay inside the hospital for a few days to be observed. After that she can go home."

We were all so relieved. I advised her parents and Lisa's friend to go back home. Her parents were quite tired and old. I walked with her when the nurse pushed her roller bed to a ward. The nurse told me that I can go back too but I preferred to stay. I sat beside her. She was not conscious. I just want to stay a little while longer with her.

Just in case she needs someone there. Just in case I might never get to see her again if such things were to happen again. I realized that how precious time with another person you love is while we are still alive. A policeman came shortly. He was directed by the nurse to Lisa's bed.

"Is this the girl that tried to commit suicide?"
"Yes, but she is sleeping now. Can I help you?"
"I need to take a statement. What is your relation to this girl?"
"I..."

I pondered for a while. I had suddenly forgotten what my relation to her was. At the same time I do not want to make fun of myself in front of the policeman.

"I am her good friend." I replied.
"I see. Can you tell me exactly what you know about the facts of this
case? Wait...your name first, please"

After giving my statement, I stayed on. I spent the night with Lisa. She slept quite peacefully, except that she woke up once and asked for water. I gave it to her and she went back to sleep immediately. The duty nurse there was quite relief that she has one less patient to take care of.

The next day Lisa woke up at ten am. She looked a bit tired but after the nurse brought her to wash up, her face looked radiant again.

"The nurse told me you stayed here whole night." she said slowly and weakly.
"Yes. I just want to be with you."

She was silent for a while. She looked out of the window and stared at the buildings faraway. Suddenly she broke down and cried.

"Lisa, cry your heart out. I won't stop you. If you want to tell me anything, just say. I am here for you."

She sobbed louder. I sat on her bed and held her in my arms. She cried for quite some time. When her crying reduced to sobbing, I asked,

"Why do you do such a silly thing?"
"I just don't know. I just hate myself for being so naive to fall for him again he cheated me again. I just hate myself for being so worthless and stupid. I hate myself. I lost confidence in everything because it seems that it's always in a mess. I just wanted to die and let go of everything."
"No. You should not say that. Do you know if you leave there would be many people who will be very sad? Think about how your parents will react. Think about who will take care of them. Think about you little sister. Who is going to guide her?"
"I don't know"
"But most of all Lisa. If you leave, someone will be very sad because he loves you very much. Don't you see? Without Roger, you will still have me! And why do you make those who love you very much so sad? Your parents love you, and I love you too, very much."
"Isn't it too late that I know now?"
"No Lisa. We can start all over again."
"I....I need time to think over again. I can't answer you right now. I need to think carefully this time."
"I know. I also hope you don't foul up your next relationship. Whether with me or not. I will wait for you reply."

I don't know if what I said was correct. She started sobbing again. After a while, she stopped. She kept quiet for a long time. A short while later, her parents came to visit her. I had stopped my teaching temporary to be with her. Lisa also had a re-paper in a CS subject. We revised together in the hospital initially until she became fit enough to leave the place.

I went to her place to continue our preparation for our re-paper. Ken came to help once in a while. After every 'revision' day, I would stay for dinner. I think I had built a good rapport with her parents. Roger did not call her again. Perhaps Roger had made used of that night as a reason to dump her again. Yve was very supportive. She encouraged me and taught me how to win Lisa heart again, only this time it is harder.

NUS Love Story - Part 10

2008-11-06T11:06:00.002+08:00

She is really sobbing now. When I first knew her she was a fierce and strong' type of woman. But now under such emotional strain she just broke down. Girls are still girls after all.

"One day I couldn't get through to him. I thought his phone is damaged so I went over to visit him unannounced. I was at the foot of his block when I saw that girl with him again. I was so angry. I ran over and stopped them right in their tracks. Both of them were quite shock to see me."
"She winced when she saw me raising my hand to slap him. He just stood there without moving. Then she said smugly,'David does not want you because you are too hot tempered. You are just not feminine enough. You cannot give him what I can. You are not fit to be his girlfriend.'"
"I was so angry that I slapped her as well. She looked so shock and then she broke down and cried. David slapped me back in retaliation. I was so humiliated, angry and sad. I stood there and cried too. No one has ever slapped me before. David stood there and looked at both of us. Both of us were crying. But he eventually went to her and pacify her, holding her in his arms. I felt so neglected, so unwanted and so unloved. I ran away from the place, from both of them. It was quite obvious that he has chosen her over me. From then on, I never hear from David or her again, even until now."
"If he wants to leave me because he does not like my temper, he could have told me. I could have changed. I am still thinking of what that girl said when she said that I cannot give him something that she could. I just don't know the real reason why he left me for her." So that was how she broke of with her boyfriend. She was quite right when she said that she does not know why her ex-boyfriend wanted to 'leave' her by going out with the second girl because she still cannot control her own temper. She also does not know that her temper can really make her lose out in this world. She is also quite independent person, a threat to some guys.
"I tried to change myself as much as I can but it was too hard. I want to learn how to tolerate others. I tried hard. The other day when you came over and played a prank on me, I was quite angry. The next day I tried to show you that I am 'forgave' you by accepting you treat. Please don't be angry. I think I have lost my first boyfriend this way. Believe me, I really want to change but...."

It was quite sad to see her crying. I did not know how to console her. I am not good with words. I just held her in my arms. She said later that she want to learn how to control her temper before she wants to control a relationship. There was once when we went to a hawker centre after lesson. She asked me more about Lisa. I told her how we met and why we were not together. I also told her about Roger.

"So she preferred you to Roger?" she asked.
"Must be. If not she would be with me."
"You have not really shown or showered her with concern. Roger did. Roger is willing to hunger himself for her and willing to change for her. Will you?"

That question really stumped me. I have never thought of that. I searched my mind and could not find any thing 'sacrificial' that I did for Lisa that I can boast about. I only realized this too late.

"If you really love her, then you should not mind her past mistakes. You should forgive her. You should even sacrifice your precious time and many efforts for her. You had been too stubborn. When you decided to put everything on hold, she must really felt unwanted and hunger for love. She hopes you will say yes but you did not."
"How would you know?" I asked.

I was half-regretting what I did not do then.

"Min, I am a girl. I understand how a girl feels. You...you are quite insensitive. You should have said yes if you really love her then." I regretted my action. I only realized that I really love her later but of course, all is too late then. And of course, there is no hope now.

"Roger came along and filled the void. Lisa is human too. As you said, she the emotional and passionate type. Someone who gives easily and receives easily. Such people are easy prey for others who make use of them." I nodded in agreement.
"She needs love, care and concern during that period. Roger came along and showed her he is sincere and she accepted it. You are just too slow in actions and realizing your true feelings."

I looked at Yve's eyes. They were sincere and true. I was grateful for her lesson in love but it was all too late.

"You can forget about everything now and start over a new leaf. Find a new person if you want."
"No, not now. Lisa is still very much alive in me. I still love her."
"If I could do it all over again I would change history. I really would. I still love her." I thought to myself.

The first year result was released. She did quite well. Ken passed well. I had a re-paper. I was actually quite happy considering my state of mental condition and the amount of work I put in. We went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate. It was quite expensive but we had earned ourselves a tidy sum and also this occasion really called for a celebration. Just when we were about to eat.

I saw Roger coming into the restaurant with Lisa tailing behind. Lisa saw me but Roger did not. We smiled at each other when they passed the sector where we were seated. They found themselves a place at another corner of the restaurant. I observed them but I did not tell Yve. I saw them talking with animated gestures. Lisa seemed to be angry with him but Roger did not seem to care.

At one point Lisa stood up and Roger motioned her to sit down fiercely. She obeyed and seemed to be sobbing inside her. I continued talking to Yve about how I intend to spend the rest of my holidays. I told her I would spend my second last week in Indonesia with Ken.

Suddenly I heard Lisa shouting "Then why do you lie to me again?". A few of those patrons of the restaurants looked at them for a while. Roger was embarrassed and he said something to Lisa, perhaps trying to cool her down. They talked for a while.

"You liar! You liar! You said that the last time. I would not believe you again. And I am going to leave you! You hear me? I am going to leave you and you are going to regret this." Lisa shouted again.

This time Roger stood up and left the table without even saying a word to Lisa. He was quite embarrassed. She was left crying alone behind at the table. It was quite a scene. I looked at Yve and told her

"Yve, that's Lisa over there. I think Roger and her had quarreled. Roger left already and Lisa is crying. I am going over to take a look."
"I'll come along."

We walked over to her table, ignoring all those curious stares around us.
"Lisa, what happened?" I asked. She looked up and shook her head.
"Tell me. Tell me what happened. Did Roger make you angry?" I asked. She nodded her head. Amidst her sobbing she said "He is seeing the rich girl again. I asked him to stop but he refused. He said it was only once but I actually had friends who saw them together a few times. He even said that it was his and the rich girl's business, not mine and that he is at liberty to do anything he likes."

Yve touched my hand and whispered "Now is your chance Min. Take it."

NUS Love Story - Part 9

2008-11-05T09:34:00.002+08:00

I was quite pleasantly surprised.

"Do I have the honor to send you back?"

She smiled sweetly and we left the place together. I learnt that she really looked at my particulars and was satisfied that I come from a 'clean' background.

"So is this your permanent job?" I asked her.
"No. Like you I am waiting for my first year accountancy results."
"Oh, then we are on the same boat right?" She smiled.

We walked passed a hawker centre which is still bustling with life and vigour. The place is famous for many local foods.

"Hey, want to have supper or late dinner?" I asked.
"I had my dinner. Supper will do."

I treated her to one of the local delicacies. We talked on a wide range of topics and discussed many 'issues' at great length. I learnt that her father is deceased and her mother is supporting two children. Her elder brother is in Engineering in NUS. She needs to earn her own pocket money herself. She also has to pay part of her own NTU tuition fees. That was why she was working then. Quite a remarkable girl.

"Have you had any boyfriend?"
"Yes. Some time ago. We broke off one year ago."
"Oh I am sorry."

I was curious why they broke off. I asked her,

"Who initiated it?"
"Him." she said matter-of-factly.
"You are quite beautiful and nice too. Why does he want to break off from you?"
"I don't know. Ask him lor." I liked her reply.

Perhaps she does not want to reply me. Perhaps that guy really dump her for another girl, just like Lisa during her first relationship. Perhaps it was her who left him. After supper I volunteered to send her back. She agreed. We took a bus to her place. I also insisted to send her right to her door-step.

"Well, we have reached my door. Thank you for you treats."
"You are very welcome. I hope we can get together again. Can we?"

She did not say anything. She just smiled and opened her door and went inside. Before she closed the door she whispered,

"Tomorrow same time, same place. My treat. See you."

We went out a few times after my lessons. We got to know each other quite well. I learnt that Yve does not want to commit herself to another relationship. I also found out that my liking for her was quite superficial. It was a crush only. She was like a good colleague to me, a good confider, a good friend. A very good friend indeed as I learnt later on.

We would talk about our own experiences in love to one another. I told her about Lisa and Sally. She told me about her weakness. She said that one failure is enough for her. She does not want to experience another.

"Why are you so afraid to try again?"
"Because I do not want to fail again."

She was quite stubborn. She just refused to change. I tried to tell her not to shut herself out of this world.

"But if you don't try, you will never succeed!"
"But if I do not try, I will never fail!" she snapped back quickly.

Her eyes glaring at me. They were quite fierce and they burned deep into mine.

"You are stubborn and hot-tempered." I retorted.

I waited for her to cool down a bit before asking her

"How did you know him?"
"Who? Him?"

I nodded my head. I was really curious about him and her relationship.

"He was my JC classmate. We went steady in our JC first year. We were quite immature then. We believed in all the things that romance will bring when we don't even know what love is. Such were the days then. He was good to me. One day in the middle of our second year, a friend saw him going out with another girl. I questioned him about it and he admitted it. He lied to me earlier that he was going for his CCA. I forgave him. I was quite foolish to let him go like that."

Sometimes wisdom eludes me. I just do not understand why the guy would want to cheat her when I find her so wonderful and perfect.

"We went on as nothing happened. Then one day nearing the prelims, I discovered that he went out with the girl again. This time it was to a park near our JC. When I confronted him again, he said that the girl needed someone to help her in her school work as the exams are near. I was furious. I mean, she could have asked other guys for help, why must she ask him to help? I told him that we were finished and that he had used his only chance. We did not talk for many days after that."

I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she related the story. I pitied her for being cheated the second time.

"Just after the prelims, he asked me out. He said he wanted to give me back my things. I thought it was true and I agreed to meet him. We met at the park near our school and there he pleaded me to go back to him. He said 'I really can't live without you. I promise not to see her again'. At first I was not taken by his pleas. Then he went over to the middle road and stood at the bend. He said that unless I agree, he would not come back to the pavement. I thought he was joking. Just then, a truck really came by quite fast. I shouted to him to jump aside but he was too shock to react. Luckily the truck managed to stop in time and only knocked him gently. He was quite shaken. I was so touched by his sincerity to change that I forgave him immediately."

"We continued to be together as before and even grew closer after the 'A' levels. We indulged in light petting occasionally. Shortly he was due for enlistment. After his enlistment, I found work as a temporary relief teacher."

"Every weekend we would go out. Times were quite good, until after his posting to the NCO school. He would come back home and refuse to go out with me, saying that he is very tired. Sometimes I would go over to his house to see him. We would talk about his 'punishment' during training and about his unreasonable instructors. I would also help him to pack his 'barang barang' for his next book-in. Life was quite ok. Then one day..."

NUS Love Story - Part 8

2008-11-04T09:40:00.002+08:00

Life was back to 'normal'. It was a silent and 'uneventful' Christmas week for me. A friend had tried to ask me to go to his church but I was too sad even to consider. I only want to spend some time alone, sorting out my thoughts and feelings. It was a difficult week to pass through. I wanted to call Lisa, but I know she has better company. I wanted to call Sally too, but I suppose she does not want to talk to me, at least for that week.

Many people had New Year resolutions. So had I. But will it ever come true? Will it be realized? I prayed silently that it will. When terms resumes in the New Year, I was even more miserable. It was very sad to see Lisa so happy without me. It was even harder when I saw Sally sad and sorrowful. She seems to be avoiding me. I felt so close to them, yet so far. Just too far to even talk.

I decided to call her after the first week. She picked up the call herself.

"To what do I owe this honour?" she said curtly.
"Why do you say this? Can't I just call?"
"I do not wish to talk to you or anything about this. Please don't call me."
"Wait...I really want to say I was sorry. Yes I really do like Lisa but that doesn't mean I don't like you."
"So?"
"Nothing. I also want to tell you that I was very sad at that time so Lisa consoled me. We talked about our relationship. About some problems I was facing."
"Problems? What problems? Please explain."
"I was confused as to whether I like you or your money. I hate to like you for your money but that could be true. But I must say I was very happy with you."
"Huh? Why don't you tell me this? Why can't you discuss this with me before you discuss with her? Am I second in your eyes?"
"No...It’s just that I find that I am better in relating my problems to her. I think she understands me a lot. I just wanted to discuss our problems with her."
"So what? Does she have to kiss your hands?"
"Why are you so possessive?"
"Possessive? Would any girl like another girl to hold her boyfriend's hand, let alone kiss it?"
"She and I were very close once."
"But that does not give you any reason to do that. If you really love only me, then you would not allow that to happen."

She was right. I love Lisa too. And I know she still have some affection for me. It's just that she love Roger more than me. The conversation did not last more than ten minutes. I have explained to Sally what happened. I do not expect her to come back. Perhaps I really like her, not love her. I was miserable for a long time. Life was just so boring. Somehow I do not miss Sally. But I kept thinking of Lisa.

Somehow I just hope that Lisa would know that someone is thinking of her every every hour, every minute. Would the heaven tell her please? She ought to know how I felt for her. But then it was no use. She was happy the way she was.

The examination was approaching fast. I found it quite hard to concentrate on my studies. Ken tried to help me too but each time I would decline his help. I just want to spend my time alone. I would daydream of my own princess whom I will meet someday and we would be happily ever after. It was very silly but that's better than reality. It is only in my dream that I have someone I love and someone who love me too.

Reality is always harder to take, harder to accept. It is also harsher and cruel. Somehow I learnt to believe only in dreams and learnt not to trust reality.I focused my attention on my studies and my dream. The examinations came quickly and passed even quicker. It was not before long that I found myself with so much extra time. I do not need to go back to serve my remaining time in the army like some of my poor classmates. I have a lot of time to myself, too much in fact.

However, the extra time also began make me feel very lonely. My mind began to work out of control again. Images of Lisa and Sally came flashing. I felt so bad and unable to concentrate on anything I do. Luckily it was after the examinations or else I would be in trouble. I tried to get my mind off from such BGR things by looking for a job.

I looked up the newspaper and found a job as a part-time tutor at a famous overseas educational centre. I taught O-level maths and physics. Life began to get better as my mind is off from BGR problems. I taught 5 times a week to 3 classes. It was only at night and I get to have the day free. During the day I would either stay at home or go out with Ken and his girlfriend occasionally. Life was slowly getting better.

One day I reached the centre earlier than usual. The staff who worked during the day has not gone off work yet. I noticed a particular attractive girl. She has long hair and an almond shape face. Her eyes were quite beautiful. Her skin is fair and shiny. Her legs are long and slender. She looks quite good. I approached her and sat at the customer chair. She saw me and started to speak to me.

"Interested in signing for a course?" she asked.
"Ehh...yes." "What level are you in?"
"O-level."

She stared at me for a while. She must be thinking that I am too old to be a O-level student.

"What subjects are you interested to be tutored on?"
"Ehh..A Maths and E. Maths."
"Sorry. The classes are full already. What about other subjects like Physics and Geography?" "Physics please."
"Your name please?"

I told her my name, She looked at me with furrowed eyebrow. She stood up and went over to a filing cabinet and took out a file labelled 'Employee Particulars'. She flipped through and then stopped. She looked at me angrily and walked back to the reception desk.

"Are you trying to be funny? You are an employee aren't you?"
"Well, I am. I only want to talk to you."

She was furious when she heard this. She looked at me sternly and said,

"You want me to complain to the manager?" I was startled.

I did not expect her to be fierce. I apologized to her and left for my lesson quickly, full of embarrassment. The next day I went early like the day before. I wanted to catch a glimpse of her and perhaps say sorry again. She was there at her reception desk as usual. I sat down in front of her.

"Want to take up tuition again?" she asked naughtily.
"Well, this time is different. Now I want to ask give you an apology and I want to treat you to dinner or supper."
She smiled and replied "You have already said sorry yesterday. No, I do not go out with strangers. I am very sorry."

She looked so sweet when she smiled again. She was being diplomatic but then her smile was great. Somehow her reaction was quite different from yesterday.

"You can read my particulars from the employees file if you want. Then we would not be strangers right?" I asked cheekily.

She gave a half-smile and said "No. Thank you very much. I am very flattered. Perhaps some other time."

Her body language gestured me to get lost. I got up from the chair with a bruised ego. She was so nice. She declined me so with style though not so gently. I like her style. I went ahead with my teaching. When lessons is over at nine pm, I bade the students goodbye and packed up my stuff... When I pass the reception, I noticed her sitting there. I walked over to the waiting area.

"Hi, aren't you going back?" I asked.
"I am waiting for you."

NUS Love Story - Part 7

2008-11-03T15:42:00.000+08:00

The next day I decided to apologies to Sally. I sent her a mail saying I was sorry. I was quite confused as whether to carry on the relationship. I also began to wonder whether I was 'living off' my girlfriend and whether I really love her or her money. Quite absentmindedly I talk to Lisa although I did not know if she was logged on. To my surprise she replied quite quickly.

"I am fine. How are you?" she asked.
"Sad. Very sad."
"How come? I thought you are happy with your new girlfriend?"
"That's the problem. It’s the relationship that's the problem"
"Tell you what....wait for me at the usual central place half an hour later. I will join you" I sent the second mail to Sally and asked her to go back herself.

I took the internal shuttle to Central to see Lisa. This time it's a different kind of feeling. A feeling that was quite opposite of the last time I went to Central to see her.

"So what's your problem?" she asked.
"People think I am 'living off' my new girl."
"How did you know that?"
"I overheard yesterday. What they said was quite true too."
"What do you mean living off?"
"I mean she paid for all our expenses. I volunteered but she wanted to. She is quite rich actually. I did not think of that until those remarks I heard yesterday woke me up."
"Well, if both of you are sincere then it's ok. Don't give up so easily."
"The problem is that I myself don't know if I really like her or the money she spent on us. Tell me, what would you do?"
"Actually I am not much better. Roger's friends seem to think that I am with him for his money. I felt hurt too but I didn't care. I love him and he loves me. That's all I care."
"That's because both of you are quite sure of yourselves. For me, I am not quite sure. Since you left me, I have not been able to love another person as fully as I should. I have really lost my ability to love again. I really feel bad."

I did not mean to say those words but they just blurted out. Lisa was visibly shocked. She looked at me with teary eyes and then looked down onto the table again.

I clasped her hands in mine and said sorry softly, "You don't have to be sorry. I am the one who should say sorry. I was the one who gave you so much trouble."

She only realized this too late. She took my hands and kissed them. She was still so sweet, so gentle. Her eyes spoke volumes of sorrows and regret. I really wanted to tell her to come back to me. I still love her more than Sally. Just then, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked at and saw Sally heading towards our position. Lisa pushed my hands from her lips and withdrew them but Sally saw it all. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stood there staring in disbelief.

"I tried to look for you when I received your first mail. I wanted to say that I accept your apology personally but when located your where you are, I saw you leaving the IBM room in a hurry. I followed. I suspected you are going to see Lisa. I was right." I was quite shock by her revelation.
"I hid behind the book shelf and watch two of you. I really don't mind if two of you just talk. But she kissed your hands..." she sobbed.

At this time we were attracting quite an attention. I felt uneasy. Lisa was embarrassed and regretted her action. Both of us sat there feeling remorseful and guilty. Both of us did not say any word. "Min, do you love her or do you love me?" Sally asked painfully.

"I..." I did not know how to reply. On one hand I am afraid to disappoint Sally. On the other hand I wanted to use the situation to tell Lisa that I still love her sincerely.

Sally stood there expecting a reply. I just stared at the table. Lisa was looking at me, half afraid of the reply. I knew she would want me to go back to Sally but I wanted to tell her I love her. Sally closed her eyes and said, "I know your reply. I know. I can only say that I was wrong about your feelings. I was wrong in my judgment. I was just too hopeful."

She tried to stop her sobbing but failed. "Min, I love you but you love her right?" she asked. She tried to fake a smile but it was futile. "Why am I still standing here? I ... I got to go." she said tearfully and ran upstairs. Lisa was quite shocked. She stared at the shadows of Sally and looked at me again.

"Min, I really don't know what to say to you. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have."

She need not say sorry. Her kiss was worth it in my eyes. I realized now that I love her much more than Sally. But then, will it help? It was too late anyway. Just then Roger came along. He was more controlled than before. He saw us and walked over. He still looks as good as before.

"Am I disturbing both of you? Hey, how come there are people looking at both of you?"
"No. Min had some problems that we were trying to solve."
"Oh! I just wanted to remind Lisa that the show will start soon and we must hurry."
"Min, I think need to go now. I am sorry. Talk to me again if you have any problem that I can help. See you."

Roger wanted to hold her hand but she withdrew her's. I stared at their images as they walked up the staircase.I did not know how long I stared at the staircase. I only found myself weeping silently sometime later. It was quite unbelievable.

At one moment I was with two girls that I like very much. The next and both of them left me. It was a strange feeling. Strange thoughts began to cross my mind. Perhaps I was meant to be single. Perhaps I was meant to have only temporary girlfriends only.

Perhaps all girls are not meant to stay long with me. “Perhaps”.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 6

2008-10-29T14:38:00.003+08:00

After our lessons were over, we would go to her place to spend the rest of the afternoon to study. Dinner at her place is solid. Her servant is good at Indian food. I really wonder how she kept her figure. Sometimes we would go to a park or a good eating place. There are times when she would drive her father's car out to a reservoir and she would let me drive the car.

My driving license saw some good use at last. Her dad co-owned a chain of restaurants with her uncles. No wonder she is good with food. Whenever we go out, she never allow me to pay for bill. She always say that her Dad gave a lot of money and if she did not use them, she will also waste it on compact discs, clothes and jewelry. Because she said that, I felt much better.

One Saturday we went to her home as usual. I noticed that she was particularly happier than normal.

"Why are you so happy? Anything up?" I asked.

"A little pre-Christmas surprise for you. You will know later." When we reached her place, she asked me to wait in her room. I noticed that her house was very quiet. I can only hear her pekinese barking at me in the next door.

"Well what's up?" I asked when she returned to her room.

She put down a tray of glasses and vodka and held up my hands and said softly, “Parents went to Indonesia for some business. They took my little sis along. My brother went for some ICT. I gave the maid two days off in return for a promise not to breathe a word about everything. Such chance doesn’t come easily. We can..."

"Wait...why vodka?" I interrupted.

"Vodka makes you feel higher." she breathed those words sexily.

Two of us were alone in a large house. She went over to her personal mini-hifi and repeat-played the theme from Dying Young. I smiled and poured the vodka for ourselves. We drank the crystal clear liquid and felt good and excited. She walked towards me and put her arms around my shoulders. I responded and put mine around her waist. We moved in rhythm to the sentimental music. It felt so wonderful. The music was good. The partner was better and the drink solid. The mood was fantastic. I felt tipsy quite quickly and wanted to stop dancing. She seemed to keep quite a cool head.

I moved my hands to the button of her jean skirt and unbutton it, dropping the skirt onto the floor. She stepped aside and unbuckle my belt, unbuttoning it at the same time. She is a smooth operator. It wasn't long before there was nothing to take off. She led me to her queen size bed. The music was still playing. We were still tipsy. Our mood was even higher and the heat was on... Music was playing. Vodka was working. Passion was flying. And...everything else did not matter. Only ourselves.

I just could not forget that memorable weekend. We had the whole house to ourselves. We had lots of fun and tried many things we normally would not have. Sally also proved to be a great cook. She had planned it the week before when her parents told her they would be going away for a three day business cum sightseeing trip to Indonesia. She is certainly cool. I like that.

One day while waiting for Sally, I decided to log onto VM in IBM room to do my Cobol tutorial.

I was doing halfway when I overheard, "You mean the one who is going out with a guy from first year is it?"

"Ya lor. The one who was driving the car one."

"So what did you see?"

"I saw them at the Ship last Friday. She pay for the bill one you know"

"Wah...so good one. I envy the guy man! He is living off her!"

"May be not lah. May be she is just returning him a treat."

"Aiyah! Whether true or not, if I am the guy I sure very happy one" I was quite hurt at those comments.

I slipped out of the room quietly and went home. I asked myself why I have to suffer such criticism behind my back. Don't they understand that she wants to pay herself? Surely I could afford to pay half of them but since she will waste the money anyway, why worry?

Sally called that night and she was quite furious that I did not wait for her. I gave a lame excuse and hung up. I tried hard to forget what I heard that day.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 5

2008-10-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

"Hi! I am Sally" I looked up and saw her. I have never seen her before.
She is tall and looked quite sophisticated too. She has quite a good figure. Her short hair looked very good with her face. She wears expensive clothes too. I was puzzled and surprised.

"Are you sure you are Sally? I've never seen you before."

"Why do you always assume I am a first year? Can't I be second year?"
I was so surprised. People always said that I had luck but I did not believe until now. Yes, I do have luck. But then, even luck also needs effort to work with it. I decided not to let that night slip by. I wanted to turn the night into a memorable night. The first night with Sally.

Sally observed that we were the only Comp Science people there. Good, we did not have to think of computers for a while. The organizer of the tour was a second year Bizad student. She tried hard to get everybody together and mix around. Of course, then two of us clicked immediately and mixing with other people was not important at all. As it was only about a month since Lisa left me, I still felt dejected and lost then. I wanted someone to talk to and someone to listen to my troubles and worries. I poured out my heart to her and she listened well. Perhaps it was also because of the sudden relieved from loneliness that I was feeling; I felt that I could talk to her like a good old friend. I told her about Lisa; about Ken; about how my studies suffered and about my army days. She was an interested listener. She was very patient and quite cultured too I think. Her actions were refined art. The way she smiled, the way she drank her cola, the way she walked, the way she laughed, the way she talked, the way she looked at me, the way she brushed her hair; they all spoke of someone with good etiquette and charged with feminism. Her voice was clear and interesting. I just love watching her and listening to her.

Like two lovers on honeymoon, we were oblivion to the outside world. We only talked to ourselves and 'took care' of our own selves. It was like a small world of our own; sitting on the coach and raveling from place to place. Each time the coach stops; we would be the last one to alight. Each time we leave a place, we would be among the first to get up the coach to look for the back seats. We had more privacy that way.

One of the places we visited was a discotheque. I was there that I discovered that she was a good dancer. It was also there that I discovered that she come from rich family; she frequented high class eating and leisure place quite often with another of her 'high' society girlfriend. She told of me of how guys at those places always wanted to know them and tried dating them too. Her girlfriend was quite game and even went out with some of them. She was a bit more conservative she said. She only went out with an engineer who was six years her senior to pub, or so she said.

The second last place we visited was the fish market. As early as three am, people already started selling and buying fresh vegetables, meat and fish there. We were led to a floating walkway across the warehouse because the whole place can be observed from there. The floating walkway was high and slippery. When the 'guide' stopped at the middle of it to explain to us the various functioning of the place, Sally held onto my elbow as if she was afraid of heights. I seized the chance too hold her hands and led her all the way until we went back to the coach. The feeling was different. With Lisa there was always a fear to be seen by her cousin and her friends. But with Sally, things were quite opposite. We ignored other undergrads who said we were 'fast'. Who cares!

The last place visited was Mount Faber. Some of the people were sleeping; some were talking; but most were buayaing I suppose. We walked to a quiet place away from the rest and settled down onto a lookout bench on a slope. It was quite far from the rest of the group. None of them can see or hear us, but we can see and hear them. Sally sat down beside me and we started talking about our childhood days. She told me about how tomboyish she was; I told her about how girlie I was too. She even told me of how once she urinated onto her flower pot when she learnt that urine can 'help' a plant to grow.

"Do you have any boyfriend before?" I asked.

She looked at me and said, "What do you think?"

"Well you certainly look good and I think you have a lot of suitors."

"Do I look that good? Anyway, there aren't many. Only a few." she replied.

"Hey, tell me why did you break up with Lisa?" I debated whether I should tell her the truth. Knowing that it was quite useless to keep the truth from her, I decided to tell her bits of it.

"I did not break up with her. She left me. She left me for her ex. That's why. “I said curtly. I was a bit angry and a bit sad.

"I just cannot comprehend why she left me so suddenly. I just could not bring her back." "If she ever come back to you, will you still want her?"

I was not so sure myself. I stared out into the horizon. The blinking lights of the ships did not tell me any answer. Neither did the blinking stars above that littered the heaven. I was confused about my own feelings towards Lisa. I was angry with her for changing and dumping me. But then I still love her. I did not know the answer to the question Sally asked.

"I suppose she would not ask me back. I still like her. But I think if she ever comes back to me, I might say 'yes'. It depends on when and why she comes back to me."

"If...say tomorrow?"

"I might."

"What if it's because her ex dump her again?"

"Then I would not."

"But what if she found out she did not love him as much as she loves you?" I was surprised at that question. I really hoped it is true. But will she? In her own words she said that she was falling in love with him again. Will she do the same for me? I did not think I can hold a candle to him at all. I 'lost' him in many ways. "Min, is the question too sensitive. You know you needn't have to answer."

"It's a case I never thought before. I don't know."

I can sense that she was a bit disappointed. I can see in her eyes that she hoped that I would say I will never go back to Lisa. But then did not want to lie to her. What else can I say? The cold morning breeze made our casual wear defenseless against the coldness. Sally folded her arms and rubbed her own elbows. She did not want to look at me. Through the sunlight that was trying to break through the horizon, I can see a sparkle in her eye. My heart just melted. I could sense that she needed someone to hold her; to prop up her lost confidence and hope. I put my arms around her shoulders, trying to shield her away from the cold breeze. She was a bit surprised; she just moved closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

We were silent for about a few minutes. Both of us needed one another for warmth, both kinds of warmth.
"Min, I want to tell you I like you. You don't have to feel the same."

"I...I like you too. It's just that I still cannot forget Lisa. I mean I enjoy talking to you. I enjoy being with you. I like your company. I really hope we can be better friends and perhaps, special friends."

"Really?" her face lit up.

"Yes, I want to give us a try. Will you..." She does not need words to communicate her answer and feelings. She turned around and gave me a 'side' hug with a quick peck on the cheek. I was elated. I felt so wonderful. Never has anyone kissed me so suddenly. I felt safe and secured too. She semi-snuggled on the bench and rested her head on my lap. I looked at her contented look and was very happy. I played with her short hair and also fingered with her bracelet. We did not need any words to communicate feelings. Our touches were electrified and deliberated.

Morning has just broken. A new day, a new chapter waited us.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 4

2008-10-22T09:53:00.002+08:00

I just couldn't believe people can change so fast. I did not blame her either. I couldn't forget my first love either. And I dare say I still have special feelings for her though I know I would never want her back. I closed my world to everything other than eat, sleep, and study; the three Ss of NUS life. Ken was busy himself when his Arts girlfriend demanded he spend more time with her than me. Ken relented and he spent most of him time after lessons with her.

I did not tell anybody other than Ken what had happened. Ken wanted to help but he was busy himself. I led a semi-recluse life. I skipped some lectures and tutorial. Lisa herself was busy as she will disappear right after the last lesson to heaven knows where with Roger. Ken would do the same with his Arts girl. I was left all alone to lead my life. Some of my classmates teased me saying I had become a lone ranger but I didn't care. How would they know the plight I am in? Would they understand? So what if they could? Can they help?

Even my family noticed my weird behavior. Mom asked me if things are alright in school. How can I tell her the truth? It will only break her heart. Life became intolerable. I became a zombie-like creature. People would ask me why I didn't understand or remember what they said. Lectures also became so boring. Tutorial seems to come two at a time. Things just didn't go right.

The one-month break came. It was such a timely break for me to catch up my undone tutorial. Like what Aaron said, the undergrad's life revolves around the 4 Ls : Lecture, Loo, Lunch and Love. For me, it's
minus the last L and plus another one, Loneliness. Our project group for Pascal assignment wanted to meet almost every week to do it. I was naturally given the simplest part when Ken told the rest that I had some family problem. He is still a good friend after all. Afraid that I would hold up the group, Ken did quite some of my parts as I just couldn't solve the algo bugs.

"Now, let's see if you can solve the last bit yourself. It shouldn't be too difficult if you had read on those functions Min" Ken challenged me.

"Ok, I'll give it a shot" I replied

"That's my man. Seize the day and make more out of it!" Ken encouraged.

I stayed later than the rest to debug my part. The rest of my teammates had gone back an hour ago. I really wanted to do this final part myself. Ken had helped me a lot but then I need to learn this myself or else I would not know how to do it later in the exams. I stayed at the terminal until eight plus. I tried quite hard until at around eight thirty when I finally solved the last problem and my part ran through smoothly. I was so happy that I shouted hooray as if I had just reached a huge mountaintop.

But really, it was on top of the world feeling. Suddenly a message flashed across the screen.

"Hi, still working at this hour?"

"Yes. Doing Pascal assignment" I replied using the talk facility to reply Karen.

"Oh! I just want to say you let out a great smile just now" I stood up immediately and looked around the big vax room. Karen is not in sight.

"Hey where are you? How come you can see me and I cannot see you?"

"I can see you but you cannot see me :)"I spied at the other ten plus users in big vax room but none of them resemble Karen in any way.

“You seem very gloomy these days. Your smile just now was simply fantastic"

"Karen, where are you"

"Please don't ask me where I am. I won't tell you" I was puzzled by the message.

Karen normally does not talk on vax. She was those mugger type who do not stay until so late too.

"You don't sound like Karen. Who are you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Karen does not stay so late and she does not use talk anyway"

"You are right. I am not Karen. I am a friend of her"

"Why are you using her acct?"

"Because I want to talk to you and..."

"And what?"

"And I do not want you to know who am I"

"huh? Why?" "Because..."

"Because?" "Because I like you." That message came like a bolt out of the blue. I took quite some time to register what happened.

"Excuse me, if you are playing a prank, I advise you to stop. This is not funny"

"I am serious. I had observed you for a long time. I even know that you and Lisa are no longer together" I was shocked. No one except Ken and Lisa's friends knew about our relationship let alone that we broke off. I also knew that this mysterious girl was quite serious.

"Why do you use her acct? You can use yours to talk to me"

"No. I rather not reveal myself. I am quite contented. Do you know that when you are gloomy you are not the only one?"

"How come?"

"The one who like you feel the same as you do. Do you know?" I was pleasantly surprised. I had never imagined myself to be observed let alone like by a girl. I am neither handsome, rich nor good in studies. Perhaps this girl sees something in me?

"Hey, why don't you tell me who are you?"

"No. I can't. And please don't ask Karen too. And please please don't use qt80" "

what qt80?"

"Oh never mind. as I expected" At that time I did not know what was qt80 as I seldom use vax other than read those mails of tutorial assignments, talk to Lisa some time ago and do this Pascal assignment..

The next day when I saw Karen came back to do her Pascal assignment I observed her and even talked to her. She was either a superb actress or she really did not know what happened. I did not tell anyone this mysterious person. The second time the mysterious person talked to me was late at night while I was using modem to do the documentation for my part.

"Hi...Pascal again?"

"Yes." "I am NOT Karen"

"Yes I know. Karen does not own a modem. I found out that she does not own a pc"

"Quite clever of you. Hey, can I ask you some questions?"

"Sure. Go ahead"

"why do you and Lisa break up?"

"Sorry, I think it's too personal. I am very sorry"

"it's ok. I am just curious. Hey, tell me, when is your birthday?"

"It's over two months ago. What about yours?"

"Mine is at the middle of the year. May 19"

"Oh mine is 2/9. What name shall I call you?" There was a pause before she continued.

"Just call me Sally"

"Is that you real name?"

"No. It's just a name that I like. Btw, how many people are there in your family?"

"You doing a family survey? Joking"

"No. Just like to know. You mind?"

"Surely not. I have a younger sister and my parents of course. What about you?"

"Oh I have an elder brother and a younger sister."

"I see." Our conversations lasted until quite late in the morning.

I found out a lot more about Sally now. I tried to bait her to tell me more about her name and class but she was quite careful. I gave up quickly and concentrated on trying to find out more about her. She was from an ordinary JC and had formally taken Comp Science there. No wonder she is quite good with computers. Her father is technician and her mother is a housewife. Sally was a free thinker but she still prays to those Chinese deities. Her hobbies included playing piano and making cross-stitch.

I also found out that she is a kind and sensitive person from the wide range of topics we talked about. One day I was using vax when Sally talked to me again. She asked me if I would be interested to go for a Raffles Affiliates outing.

"So when is the night tour?" I asked.

"On 29 Nov, after school re-opens. The night tour is over Sat night till Sunday."

"Are you going yourself?" "I might...if you go. Then you will know who I am"

"sure, I'll be interested to go and find out who you are"

"Then welcome! See u there!" I was quite curious who this Sally was.

I signed alone because I am afraid Ken's presence might make Sally feel awkward. Time passed quickly and Nov 29 came. We were to wait at YIH for the coach to pick us up. I waited apprehensively at the assigned location. I had never been to a night tour and I was pretty excited. I was even more excited as I was about to meet the mysterious Sally. I sat alone from the rest of the people attending the tour. It seems I was the only Comp Science student there.

Suddenly a girl's voice called out.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 3

2008-10-22T09:52:00.001+08:00

I suddenly realized why she always wear white and black and I also realized why she did not want to be seen with me. She was just so unfortunate.

"I am truly sorry. I shouldn't have suspected you nor asked you things like that."

Both of us kept quiet for sometime. Her half an hour long narration shocked me and drove words out of my mind. She was silent too. She still sat upright beside me.

She looked at me and asked, "Do you still want me?"

Her eyes were blank. A sign of defeat and hopelessness was all I can sense. I stared into those blank eyes and think hard, not knowing what to think or what to say. Her background was complex and difficult to accept. I did not know if we can carry this through together too. I just did not know what to do.

I love her. But yet I was afraid of what had happened. I was afraid that the past would catch up with the present. I was afraid of what other people would say about us if we carry on. I was afraid of what her last boyfriend's stepsister would think and do. Will she accept the fact that her stepbrother's lover is in someone else's arms in just a mere four months?

Besides, I had hoped that my girlfriend would be a 'pure' girl. I do not mind about past relationships but she had already given herself to two other guys. I blamed her for being too liberal. But then, am I any better? I had sex before with my first love too although we were still virgins. I debated for a long time. I know she loved me very much as she had put her own future in my hands by telling me her deepest secrets. I am glad that she was frank with me. I really grateful that she did not hide anything from me.

So many odds were against us. The heavens seemed to be smiling on me just a few hours ago. They seemed to be spitting and cursing me then. Her gaze was still fixed on me. She was still waiting for my reply. I knew what I was about to say will change both of our future. I had planned to tell her I want her, I need her and I love her. I turned and met her gaze but she spoke first.

"Min, don't pity me. If you are going say 'yes' to make me feel better, please don't. Both of us will not be happy together. I think its better that we put everything on hold first and see how things will work out. Let time be a test of our real love for one another. But remember...I do love you. There is always a special place for you in my heart. You know my feelings towards you. You make the decision, sometime later."

My heart sank. How could she say that? She might have no confidence in the future but at least let us fight this battle together. On the other hand, this might seems be a better solution. I agreed to her suggestion. Perhaps time will be a better judge than ourselves.

Three weeks had passed since we last talked to one another. We still say 'Hi' but we neither talk face to face nor on vax. Schoolwork also became heavier and heavier. It was a strange feeling altogether to be alone again except for Ken's company during school hours. During that two weeks Ken was very supportive. He did not know why we decided to put everything on hold. He offered to help but can he help? He got himself a girl from Arts that he met in his CCA. She was quite good too. She also offered to help but Ken had asked her to join her friends because he wanted to be with me during this difficult time. I was very grateful to both of them.

She did not say how long we must wait. She just said we put everything on hold. I know I couldn't wait any longer. I just need her badly because I love her very much. Every now and then she would just pop up from my mind whenever my mind is wondering. I thought of her on bus. I thought of her in between the lecturer's pauses. I thought of her while brushing my teeth. I thought of her while trying to sleep at night. I just can't concentrate on my work or anything I was doing. Life became so unbearable without her.

I decided to talk to her face to face. I know where she usually goes after lesson, an obscure corner in the Central Library. I had made up my mind to tell her I need her and I love her. The internal shuttle service journey just did not seem fast enough. I hope the bus driver would just hurry up and get to Central quickly. Can't he understand I am going to tell her I love her and I want her? If only the driver knew. I alighted at Central and ran towards the Central Library.

I took two to three steps at a time up the spiral staircase. I just can't wait to tell her the good news. I saw her studying alone at the same old place that we used to study together. I walked quietly behind her and hugged her from the back. My lips moved just in time to stop her mouth from letting out a scream and stole a quick kiss.

"Lisa, I can't live without you. I want you. Please back come to me. I love you." Her shock statement puzzled me.

I thought she should be very happy to be with me. Before I can ask her anything a hand patted on my shoulders.

"Hey, why do you kiss my girlfriend?" I spun around and saw a big guy behind me.

He was half a head taller and quite muscular. He was quite tanned too. I was shocked. Why is he talking like that?

"Excuse me guys. Let me explain." Lisa said hurriedly.

"Min, this is Roger. Roger, meet Min. Min is the guy I was with for the past 3 months and Roger is my first boyfriend."

I was even shocked this time. What had happened? Is everything and everybody going crazy?

"Lisa, I demand to know what is happening. Would you mind explaining?" I asked angrily.

"Roger, please leave us for a moment. I'll join you...no, I'll meet you in your car later. Wait for me there." Roger went away but before he did he gave me the do-anything-funny-or-else-I'll-bash-you-up kind of look. That did not scare me at all until I recalled that he was a rugby player.

"Min. I hope you will forgive me. Yes I still love him. I had always loved him. I had given him my virginity. He is my first love, can't you see? My first love!"

My heart just shattered into a million pieces. I sat there not knowing what to do. Everything just did not look right. I just couldn't believe what was just said by someone I love so much.

"I love you too. I always will. I said you will always have a special place in my heart. You certainly will have." she consoled me.

" See, Roger came to me about a week after we stop seeing one another. He was a very shattered man. He changed into a sloppy and defeated person. He told me his girlfriend dumped him after both of them got into U. Her rich girlfriend went to NTI and got herself another boyfriend. Roger didn't have to serve NS as he is an Indonesian."

"So you are together with him because he is a rich Indonesian guy?"

"No! He pleaded with me to go back to him but I refused initially. He was so adamant that he followed me with his car all the way home. Dad persuaded me to tell him off when he stood outside our door. I knew I cannot talk or see him in the eyes because I know still love him. I know what first words to him will be. He just didn't leave until way past dinner at ten pm plus. Mom gave him some food but he refused to eat. He just sat outside our door saying he wanted to see me and talk to me."

"So what? I can do just that!" I retorted.

"Just listen Min. Our neighbor kept looking at him and us. Upon Dad's urging, I finally brought him some cold food and he ate so heartily. His eyes lit up and his face so radiant. I was so touched. I mean, he did that all for me. I can see straight away that his love for me has not died yet. He still loves me after all. I just felt that I can forgive everything that he did to me. After all, those were history already. No point finger pointing and accusing one another anymore." Lisa eyes were quite excited now.

She was oblivion to my sorrow and anger.

"I invited him in that night. Dad and mom were touched too. Little sis even said he is in love with me. I was so happy then. I never felt so supported by my family before. Dad invited him to stay overnight which he did. I don't know why but Dad suddenly became so approving of Roger. Perhaps Dad remembered that Roger was my first love and Dad didn't know about you. Anyway, I thought I might just let everything go step by step."

"You mean you forgot about me and all those you said just three weeks ago?" I asked accusingly.

"Remember what you said to me?"

"No I did not forget. But you must see Min. Do you know that in that two weeks I experienced love that I never felt before? Do you know that I felt like we are both falling in love again just like two years ago? I can never forget that feeling. It cannot be relived. Roger changed completely. He became neat and tidy again. He started exercising again. But most of all he became a very happy man again. He changed because me of. Do you see?"

I knew I lost her forever. Nothing I can say or do canbring her back. I just lost my love. In a short three months plus, I had loved and lost love.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 2

2008-10-22T09:51:00.001+08:00

When it finally did about ten minutes later she said, "My first boyfriend went after me when we were in college and after he got me, he broke off with his girlfriend. I felt bad about it all. He was very good looking, intelligent and popular. He was the vice-captain of the school rugger team."

"That was 2 years ago, first year in JC. We loved one another very much until one day he changed. He found another girlfriend; a rich man's daughter. He just left me without any word. I called him many times and pleaded with him to come back but to no avail. The worse thing is that I had already given him my virginity. I resigned to my fate and very sad after that. I could not come to terms with reality then. We were so in love and suddenly he changed so fast."

"I was miserable for a long time. I cried myself to sleep many nights and whenever I dreamt of him, I would pick up the phone and call him, only to put down the receiver when I realized that it's only a dream. I could not eat proper meals and my studies suffered. I was even more jealous whenever I saw him with his new girl. They walked past me without even saying 'Hi'. I was very troubled and sad. I almost failed my promos because of that. "I winced at these words.

They hit me like a stone out of the blue. I didn't imagine all this could have happened. She went on.

"The second one came around February; just before Chinese New Year He is different. He was not handsome nor the active type. He is a mugger but he has a heart of gold. He didn't know much about my previous relationship with my first boyfriend. He only knew that we broke off. I didn't want to tell him much about my previous relationship. I didn't like him at first."

"He sent me back from school almost everyday. He brought me my first flowers we ignored all the gossips that was going on about us. We were very happy together. We would spend the day doing tutorial or go to the nearby park. He would then send me home just in time for dinner. Life was simple and sweet. I loved him very much."

"One day he came to me at the beginning of first lesson and asked me this question: Did you give your virginity to him? I was shocked beyond words. I wondered how he knew. He told me later that the rumor said it. I didn't want to keep him in the dark anymore. I told him the truth after lessons. He only said these three words: You cheated me. I can sense the burning anger and sadness inside him. He never speaks to me after that. My world just collapse into pieces. I don't blame him at all. I didn't know what to do. After so long of learning to love him I just lost him like that. I blame myself for being so stupid and for covering up the truth. I had thought that everything would be fine and happy. But who knows? Had I told him earlier things might be different. I almost thought of committing suicide until a friend stopped me and talked to me for almost 3 hours on top of the school building." I pitied her.

Tears formed in my eyes. I did not know what to do. I just hope that all these were not real. I just hope that this would not happen to the girl I love... She continued, with eyes staring straight into the sea while she narrated.

"Prelims came and I fared badly. I worked very hard for the next one and a half months luckily I did ok for A levels."

"While waiting for results, I worked in an accounting firm. The office boy there took fancy on me. He was awaiting his time to be enlisted. He was 1 year my junior. He was only a O level holder but he was quite handsome with his boyish look. I like him but I know that there is no future with us. I did not let him know I was working temporary there. I also did not let him know I am waiting for A level result because I am afraid to make him feel inferior nor that I am showing off."

"He bought lunch for me although I refused. He would say that he had already bought it and asked me not to waste his hard earned money. He sent me flowers every week to my house and occasionally small presents he made himself. Dad was furious when he knew but he couldn't do anything. The boy was persistent. I began to like him slowly. I only went out with him a month just before his March enlistment."

"He would take me to those bowling alleys and ice skating ring. He used his hard earned money to make me happy. I appreciated that and asked him not to do it but he said it's his money and it's up to him how he spends it. He was a bit stubborn."

"Enlistment day came and I was the only one to send him to in. Before he left he said: Wait for me. When I come out I will marry you."

"My heart was overjoyed. For the first time in my life a guy had proposed to me. I felt so assured of the future and for the first time felt confident about relationship. After his 3 weeks confinement we went out every weekend. I would tease him about his botak head and he would tease me saying I look prettier and prettier. We would go to his house and spend hours relating about my work and his army stories."

"When I received the letter from NUS that I was given a place in Comp Science, I was overjoyed. I told him the Tuesday night he called me. His tone changed immediately. I can sense something was wrong. He was very quiet after that and we didn't speak much. Before we hanged up he said: "Wait for me". I was puzzled but I didn't have the chance to ask him."

"That night, about three AM someone came and knocked on our door. Dad opened it. I can hear some argument and my name were mentioned. I got up and was shocked to see him at the door. I asked him why he had come. He just said that his PC gave permission for everyone to have a night off. I pleaded with dad to let us go down to the playground to talk. Dad took pity on us and relented."

"He held my hand firmly all the way. He kept saying that he love me. I already knew that though. I assured him I love him too but he seems not convinced. I decided to make love to him that night in the large and dark playground at three plus am. I did all I can to assure him of my love for him. The whole neighborhood was deserted. About half an hour after we made love, the chilling breeze blew and he held me in his arms.. I felt safe and sleepy."

"I slept in his arms in the playground. Suddenly I was awaken by shouting. I saw a few soldiers running towards him. He looked worried and said: "Sorry Lisa, I have to go. I know we cannot be together after you go to university but I know I did is worth it. Tonight is worth it all the trouble. I will not forget tonight."

"I wasn't before long I knew he had AWOLed to see me. He had beaten up the guards at his camp and stole a military vehicle out. I did not know how he does it. I only know why. One of the guard was seriously injured when he refused to let my boyfriend come out. Because of the multiple charges, he was sentenced to three years confinement in detention barracks. I was so moved by his stupidity and sincerity. "

"I decided to give up my university education for him. I visited him to tell him my decision. He was happy but he said that education to me is more important than him. He wanted to me to continue study but I told him I wanted to earn money and wait for him to get out and we will then get married. His last word to me was: "Always remember me"."

"He died the next day. He had committed suicide in the detention barracks. I cried for many days. His parents blamed me for their son's death. I felt remorse but I did not know how to pay them back their only son. I visited them every week as they are well into their pension age. I cleaned their house and kept them company. I wore black and white since then. It was also then that I learnt they had a stepdaughter studying in science too."

"Min, it's not that I do not like you. I love you very much. I just feel so insecure and I have no confidence in relationship anymore. Three failed relationships in a mere two years just make me afraid to go into the fourth one. Can't you see I have no more confidence? I was cheated by the first one."

"The second one was cheated by me. And the third one died for me. Tell me, what will you do if the fourth one comes? I had told myself never to enter into another relationship until I graduate. My friends advised me that too. But you came along. I was so reluctant but I am a human being as well. I feel love, I need to beloved, I need to love too. Can you see? I pity easily, and I love easily too."

By now her words are broken with sobbing.

NUS LOVE STORY - PART 1

2008-10-22T09:48:00.002+08:00

Second year will soon come to a close. Soon we would all be going to third year. Might be promoting should be more appropriate. My almost two years in DISCS really have memories that I will always keep in my mind. So many things had happened; so many lessons were learnt; so many things had changed. I had changed. She changed too. So had the peoples who are after her. The life in Comp Science was really tough. There are only a few more months to plough through before the final year. As I look back at my almost two short years here, I felt a sense of remorse and regret. I did not make full use of my time here. I had done many wrong things and did not do other things that I should have. And I am not going to let the third year just slip past like that. Perhaps if I can change history I would. I really hope I could.

First day in campus was chaotic. I found an army friend who took Comp Science too. We 'buddied' up and took the new challenge of navigating out life in NUS together. He was a very playful person and is always full of life and vigor. He pulled me to attend the NUSSU Hop and

Jam.

We really let our hair loose and danced crazily. I enjoyed myself at the hop. That was where I met her. She had gone to the hop with a group of friends too. I saw her during the jam and eyed her when the hop started. She is different from the girl I had before from my last failed relationship. She is jovial, sexy, playful and looked good too.

“Hey, that chick you are eyeing is not bad. Go for it man!”, Ken supported.

I danced and moved myself towards her group of friends with Ken tailing behind. I moved towards her slowly as by chance.

"Hi, can I dance with you?", I asked.

She just smiled and her friends looked on. I felt so embarrassed that I hope the ground would just open up and swallow me. Of course, the more experienced Ken came to my rescue.

“Hi everybody! Ken is my name and dancing is my game. My buddy is Min. Can we join in?”

The other girls just giggled. She looked at me and I took the cue. We joined them and danced in a circle. My eyes were fixed on her most of the time. She looked better in the flashing lights. Her hair is silky soft, her skin fair and unblemished. Her smile is gorgeous. Her eyes are hypnotizing. Her figure is sexy as can be seen by her skin cladding black one-piece. Who would not like her?

Amidst the loud blaring of the speakers, I managed to find out a few things about her. She is from Comp Science too and like me, a freshie. She stayed in Bukit Merah, quite close to NUS. She was from a good college and had chosen to study Law but could not make it and was posted to her second choice instead. We danced until almost eleven when the girls decided to go back. I seized the chance to send her back. She was reluctant at first but I insisted.

The other girls looked on with suspicious eyes but who cares! Ken was careful to make sure I go back with her alone by treating the other girls to a drink at Clementi. I still have not paid Ken the $7+ that he spent that night with the 3 girls. The journey to her place was awkward but memorable. My heart was beating very fast and I hope she could not hear my nervousness. My speech was slurred and not coherent. She giggled at my nervousness and stupidity. I guess that was why she like about meat first. I asked her many questions on the way. She was careful not to reveal too many details and worse, she just would not give me her telephone number.

I sent her back to her door.

She turned around and said, "You are the first guy who send me back on the first date. The others were so..... so ungentlemanly." My heart soared.

She smiled sweetly and opened her door. Needless to say, her family was all asleep. Before closed the wooden door.

She whispered, "You are very cute. See you tomorrow!" Having said that, she smiled her thousand dollar smile and closed the door gently.

It took me quite sometime to register what she said. I felt giddy and very very happy. I do not even mind the $8+ that I spent on taxi fare back to Hougang.

One day we went to Marina Bay on a Saturday afternoon after the lectures. We stayed there until late into the evening seven plus. The gentle breeze blew against our face, stinging our eyes with the sea salt it brought along. She sat beside me and laid her head on my chest. I held her soft body and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I toyed with her hair and combed them off her forehead and tried many different hair styles with her beautiful face.

"That felt very nice." She whispered softly and looked into my eyes.

I stared into her big beautiful eyes. My heart began to pound quickly and loudly. She smiled and closed her eyes, her lips parting slightly. I moved my lips to meet hers and savored the succulent and reddish pink lips. Her welcoming tongue was the more curious tongue. Both of us can tell that the other one was experienced in this act of love. Perhaps she is more experienced. After a minute or so, both of us were breathless. We stopped our first kiss. She closed her eyes for a while as if saying a prayer. She opened them and looked at me straight into my eyes.

I held her closer and asked,"What are you thinking of?"

"Nothing. Just hold me now". She closed her eyes again and cuddled into my arms.

I felt happy but strange.

I asked her, "Do you love me?" She was startled.

She stared at my eyes as and searched for words to say. After a while she got up from her reclining position and sat upright, pushing her hair back and looked out into the sea..

"You are the not first one I ever love. But I love you very much. Please know and remember that." Tears streamed down her cheeks like strings of pearls against the park lamps.

"Lisa, why do you cry? Have I said something wrong today?"

"No. It's just that I am overwhelmed by feelings. I hate to lie to you but I feel that I couldn't hide it from you either"

"Hide what? Is there something you want to tell me? Is it about your secretiveness? " I asked expectantly.

I know this day would happen. She would tell me her story and her secretiveness. "I actually had three relationships before." She said weakly. I had expected her to have a relationship before but not three!

"Are you shock? Hello?"

"No... I... I just... I am just surprised" She closed her eyes and more silent tears flowed.

I knew she was crying silently inside. I held her close and felt the warmth that spreads through her body to mine. I was at lost what to say. I just held her and waited for her sobbing to stop.